


Sufficiently Familiar

by PoorQueequeg



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Angst, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-15
Updated: 2012-11-10
Packaged: 2017-11-16 08:37:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 46
Words: 47,819
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/537557
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PoorQueequeg/pseuds/PoorQueequeg
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He calls it a delicate situation. She doesn't call it anything at all. Pre-movie angstfest. Complete.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

The corridor was empty but for herself and the light above her head flickered as Nyota jabbed angrily at the button to call the elevator. The small red light on the console remained dark and she tapped her finger against several times in quick succession before letting out an irritated huff.

"God damn it," she cursed smacking her palm against the panel.

"The elevator is currently malfunctioning," a voice intoned behind her. Nyota turned to see Spock standing a few feet behind her, his face impassive.

"Perhaps you ought to report it to maintenance," she sneered, refusing to meet his eye. Steeling herself with a deep breath she began to walk in long, determined strides towards the door to his left that led to the stairs.

"I have already done so," Spock commented as she neared but Nyota did not acknowledge him. Reaching out with her hand, she pushed the door open intent on stepping through. As she did so Spock gripped her arm firmly.

"Excuse me," she snapped, attempting to pull her arm away but Spock's grip did not falter.

"Nyota..." he began, turning towards her but she was having none of it.

"Let me go!" she cried angrily, pulling against him but it was futile, he was too strong. "Stop it!"

She struggled against him as he drew her firmly against his body, his other hand wrapping around her body to clasp the back of her head. "Nyota," he gasped, leaning his forehead close to hers but she squirmed and turned her face away.

"Damn it, Spock! Let me go!" Nyota cried thumping at his chest ineffectually, blinking back tears. Spock closed his eyes and pressed his nose into her hair.

"I cannot," he breathed, pressing her to him in a tight embrace. Nyota buried her face into his chest and sobbed.


	2. Chapter 2

At her training officer's suggestion, Cadet Uhura spent her evenings working in the Long Range Sensor Lab listening to Klingon transmissions from deep space.

"Your command of the language is lacking," Spock had stated at the end of class one day. His condescending manner rankled but of course, as a Vulcan, Spock was not interested in sparing her pride.

"I know it's not my strong point but I'm still better than most," Uhura answered defensively. It was hard not to feel deficient in the presence of Starfleet's most esteemed graduate.

"Better than most is inadequate." Spock had replied. "If you are serious about gaining your desired posting, you may wish to dedicate some extra hours compensating for this shortfall."

"I will take it under advisement, sir," Uhura answered, unhappy that his opinion of her seemed to coincide with the impression she had formed. She could not help but resent him for it.

Later, when Cadet Uhura arrived at the lab, accompanied by her room mate, she was a little surprised to find Spock installed at one of the consoles. She hadn't realised he would be there.

"Good evening Sir," the Orion had said by way of greeting as she passed his station, glancing at him with the typically lurid expression her species often bore. Spock did not reply but as Uhura passed he raised one eyebrow at her.

"Sir," she said demurely.

Time passed. Spock was engaged in assisting another student when there was a loud squeal and he turned his head to see the Orion female leap out of her seat, arms flailing. Cadet Uhura seemed unamused.

"It's just a wasp, Gaila," she said, rising and leaning across her console to bat the offending creature away.

"A HUGE one! Kill it before it stings me!" Gaila cried, knocking into another student who stumbled forward across his own workstation.

"Will you just calm down!" Uhura uttered with some exasperation. "Sorry," she said contritely as Spock approached. His sharp Vulcan eyes followed the path of the wasp. It flew in circles around Gaila's head before crashing headlong into the surface of her console only to circle again and then repeat the same action. With one swift movement, Spock stepped forward and caught the offending creature under a small polymer container that he had picked up for the purpose.

"Oh thank you sir," Gaila gasped breathlessly, clutching her palm to her heaving chest melodramatically.

Gently he moved the container over the console onto the back of a PADD. Uhura leaned forward a little to peer at the wasp as it buzzed angrily around its prison.

"How can you stand to look at it?" Gaila gasped, her face twisted in disgust.

"This is the largest specimen of this species I have thus far encountered." Spock commented.

"See! Even he agrees it's huge!" Gaila uttered. Uhura rolled her eyes.

"Please. You think that's big?" Uhura said. "When I was at the Graphemics seminar in Kyoto, they found a Hornets' nest in the grounds. Seriously, one of those things is the size of your thumb." Spock quirked a brow.

"I believe you are exaggerating Cadet," he stated, turning toward the windows that lined one side of the room. Gaila curled her lip in revulsion as Uhura continued.

"I'm not kidding. We had to evacuate the building while they removed it," Uhura explained to a horrified Gaila, reaching up at the same time to push the window open wider so that Spock could get his arms through.

"A wise precaution. A swarm of Suzumabachi hornets would be deadly, even to a Vulcan," Spock said, shaking the wasp out of the cup and bringing his arms back inside the room.

"And how do you know so much about it?" Uhura asked, not sure if she was irritated or impressed.

"I have previously attended the Kyoto seminar " he replied, looking her right in the eye.

"Uh huh," Uhura said, regarding him with moderate interest. "I wasn't aware you had an interest in Graphemics."

"Why should you be?" Spock asked. Uhura opened her mouth to question him further when she became aware of Gaila's smirk. She pulled the window closed.

"Thank you for your assistance, sir," she told Spock politely, ignoring her friend as she resumed her seat.

"And for yours Cadet," he answered and gave a short bow before walking away.

"What?" Uhura snapped, glaring at Gaila fiercely. Gaila shrugged in phoney ignorance.


	3. Chapter 3

When it became apparent that she was one of his most gifted students, Spock volunteered to procure for Uhura a hard copy of an ancient Vulcan epic. She tried her hardest to appear indifferent.

"I believe you will find the dactylic hexameter challenging," Spock commented at her raised brow, not sure if she was mocking him with the gesture.

"I fail to see the logic, sir," Uhura drawled smoothly, attempting to appear as passive as a Vulcan. "Surely there is a copy available on the Starfleet database?"

Spock cleared his throat with a tiny cough and gave her a look that was as close to nonchalance as she supposed he could get. "As you wish. I thought merely that you might appreciate the classical calligraphy of an illuminated manuscript, since you have previous exposure to graphemics."

Uhura stared at the floor feeling conflicted and ever so slightly foolish. "I have to admit that does sound fascinating," she said, hoping she sounded not in the least bit like an emotional human. "Can I ask where you found it, sir?"

Spock raised a casual brow. "There are a number of such editions housed at the Vulcan consulate," he informed her. "It is merely a question of requesting a copy." Uhura pressed her lips together.

"Thank you," she said eventually. "I would be grateful for the opportunity." She gave him a small smile and wondered if in spite of his façade, he didn't get just the slightest bit of pleasure out of her grovelling.


	4. Chapter 4

"Good afternoon, Cadet," Spock said politely when she appeared at the door of his office one afternoon.

"Hi, I hope I'm not disturbing you," she replied, stepping forward.

"You are not." He met her timid smile with a nod of his head.

She twisted her bag around her body and began to dig inside. Carefully Uhura removed a cloth wrapped bundle and held it out to him. "Thank you so much, for allowing me to study such a beautiful text. The illuminations are amazing and the poetry was just...sublime. I can see now why it is considered a masterpiece. " She wore an expression of earnestness and Spock tilted his head to one side.

"'The Song of Seleya' is one of Vulcan's most notable pre-Surakian literary works," he commented, taking the outstretched bundle from her.

"I was very careful, I wore gloves," she told him.

"That was not necessary," he assured her.

"Still it must be quite valuable if it's kept in the archive at the Vulcan consulate." The cadet seemed uncharacteristically flustered. "I hope you won't be in any trouble for letting me have it."

"I shall omit to mention that information when I return it," he said. She met his eyes and smiled.

At that moment there was a rumbling sound and the ground began to shake. Uhura gasped and at the same time there was a vague crack as the fixture on the overhead light jarred. Spock made no sound but she could tell from the widening of his eyes that he was concerned.

"An earthquake," he stated. On the table a stack of PADDs rattled loudly and tumbled over to skitter across the desk. There was a hard jolt and Uhura staggered slightly, instinctively reaching out and clutching at Spock's arm. Surprised, his eyes fixed immediately to the spot where her hand touched his sleeve. "Do not be alarmed," Spock told her gently and just as soon as it had started, the tremor ceased.

Coming back to herself Uhura became suddenly aware that she was holding onto his arm and with a muffled gasp, quickly pulled her hand away. "I'm sorry," she uttered. Spock did not seem perturbed.

"I am not offended," he told her sincerely.


	5. Chapter 5

Vulcans appreciate beauty.

Spock did not understand why that should provoke such a broad smile from his companion as they sat side by side in the sensor lab. It was quiet, it was late and they were alone. It had been raining heavily all evening and Uhura had lingered in the hope that it would stop long enough for her to make it home without getting drenched. Several hours had passed and Spock was currently explaining the phenomena responsible for the Fire Plains of Vulcan. It was not the first time they had deviated from their stated purpose in the lab and Uhura knew from experience that if she could present her thoughts in an appropriately logical register, she could get Spock to engage in all manner of discussions that might otherwise seem irrelevant. The Cadet listened intently, chin in palm as he spoke.

"Fascinating," Uhura murmured. "I remember being awestruck when I first saw them."

"Yes, they are quite beautiful," Spock had commented sincerely. Uhura had regarded him with an expression he did not understand – she seemed to be smiling, almost...laughing. "Is something amusing?"

"No, no...," she said. Spock quirked a brow and gave her a serious look. "It's just...I always thought that beauty was considered very subjective. It seems somehow... at odds with logic."

Spock was not sure how to respond. "I disagree," he said eventually. "However I am not an expert on aesthetics. If you are interested, I am sure I could find some suitable reading material on the subject."

Uhura smiled again. "That sounds... nice," she told him sleepily. "I am afraid though, that we will have to save that discussion for another time."

"Perhaps tomorrow?"

Uhura paused and took in the implications of his statement. "I don't recall Vulcan aesthetics being part of the phonology curriculum," she said.

"It is not," Spock replied.

"Hmmm." Nyota was struggling to grasp the logic of his proposal. "So, we'd be meeting as..."

"Vulcans do not pursue friendships, if that is what you are suggesting" he told her, turning back to the console to close the tabs on the screen.

Cadet Uhura sucked on the inside of her cheek."No, of course not. I beg your pardon."

Spock's eyelids fluttered and his chin jerked ever so slightly as he met her questioning gaze but he said nothing.

"I admit, I find that hard to understand," Uhura said after a moment.

"In what respect?" The cadet straightened up and leant back in her chair, swivelling it a little as she answered.

"I mean, Vulcans are a social species right? How does your society function if you don't form attachments?" She hesitated. Spock was regarding her with interest despite the topic of conversation. Spock inhaled slowly through his nose and she could almost see his Vulcan brain ticking over.

"In my experience Vulcans do not place the same value on these types of bonds. The most significant relationships tend to be between family members." Cadet Uhura scrunched her nose up, dissatisfied by his reply but before she could respond he spoke again. "However, as I am half human and a member of Starfleet it is logical that I should acquaint myself with the complexities of human interaction. Therefore on this matter I am willing to be guided by you."

He looked her right in the eye and the cadet suppressed the urge to laugh, gnawing on her bottom lip as she took in the earnestness of his expression. "I suppose in the circumstances, it would be appropriate for you to call me Nyota, " she said. "I mean, when we're not discussing the curriculum," she teased.

"That is acceptable" he told her after a moment's consideration. "Nyota."

Outside, the wind gusted a sheet of rain against the window and showed no sign of abating. Nyota turned her head towards the sound."Ugh, I suppose I can't put it off any longer."

Spock glanced at the rain streaked windowpane. "It is very late," he replied as Uhura stood up out of her chair.

She smiled. "So I'll wait to hear from you then?"

"Very well."

She gave him a small nod and started towards the exit. "Nyota," he called gently after her. She stopped inside the door and turned.

"Yes sir?" Spock tilted his head to one side.

"Would it not be appropriate, given that we have established our acquaintance as sufficiently familiar, that you should refer to me by my name as you have instructed me to refer to you by yours?"

Nyota dropped her eyes to the carpet and let out a vague huff of amusement. "Yes, I suppose it would." When she looked at his face there was something in his eyes she could not quite make out. "Spock."


	6. Chapter 6

"You are ill," Spock stated.

"Yuhuh," Nyota mumbled good naturedly from her doorway, adjusting the blanket around her shoulders. Her nose was bright red and she clutched a ragged tissue in her hand. She did not look well.

"Have you sought medical attention?" he asked, stepping closer.

The cadet gave an embarrassed smile. "Yeah, I've been," she replied nasally. "I got a shot I just have to wait for it to kick in."

Spock nodded. "May I be of any assistance?"

"Thanks but I think I'm okay. Were we supposed to meet?" she asked with concern. Spock hesitated for a moment and looked her up and down.

"We had not made a firm arrangement," he replied with some difficulty. "When you did not respond to my attempts to make contact, I grew concerned."

Nyota turned and looked through the bedroom door at the flashing light on the console beyond. "Oh, sorry."

"There is no need to apologise. I am glad you are unharmed." The cadet may have blushed but it was invisible through the flush of her heavy cold. They stood in an awkward silence for a moment.

"Thank you for coming, sir..ah...Spock," she said eventually. "I...I would invite you in..." She wasn't sure but Spock's eyes seem to widen a little.

"I am not certain it is appropriate," he muttered dropping his gaze. Nyota licked her lips. No, it was probably not.

She let out an awkward laugh. "Well then it's fortunate that I'm too ashamed to let you. My room mate is a total slob."

Spock quirked a puzzled brow. If her reasoning appeared illogical to him, she was sure she could blame it on her illness. Nyota chuffed a breath of amusement and met his dark eyes. She found herself staring at him and realised they had not said a word for slightly longer than was comfortable.

"Well thank you for coming to see me," she said meekly. Spock bowed his head low.

"You are most welcome." He hesitated. "Goodbye."

"Goodbye," she replied. Time seemed to move very slowly but eventually Spock took a step backwards and turned briskly away down the hall. Nyota watched his back until he disappeared around the corner and when he was out of sight, she slouched against her door frame as her fevered brain tried to process what had just happened.


	7. Chapter 7

It was several days later that Spock, having just finished teaching a class, was making his way back to his office when he encountered a harried looking Nyota going the other way.

"Good morning," he said politely, stopping and turning towards her.

"Hi," Nyota replied a little breathlessly, shifting a stack of PADDs up and down in her arms. "How are you?"

"I am well." Spock hesitated, considering briefly how to continue. "It has been some time since our last conversation," he added by way of small talk.

"Yeah it has," she said with a smile. "I've been so busy lately, I feel like there aren't enough hours in a day."

"An interesting phrase," Spock commented mildly, looking her in the eye. "Our meeting is fortuitous. I have been intending to speak with you regarding an upcoming exposition of Klingon opera."

"UHURA!" A loud angry male voice interrupted and Spock turned his head to see a young male cadet hanging out of a doorway glaring at them.

"I'm afraid I really can't stop now," Nyota explained.

"I will not detain you," he assented. "Perhaps we could arrange a more suitable time."

"Sure," she answered although she seemed distracted.

"UHURA! COME ON!" her associate yelled from down the hall.

"I'm COMING!" she barked in response. "Sorry," she breathed contritely.

"There is no need to apologise," Spock said.

"I have to go," she uttered rapidly. "Ah, message me. About the...Klingon thing."

"Very well," Spock replied but she was already hurrying away down the hall.

Spock stood watching her back until she disappeared into the classroom, her companion muttering chastisements at her as the doors closed behind them.


	8. Chapter 8

Several days had passed since they had spoken in the hall. Nyota was surprised to find Spock hiding away in the corner of the lab one evening without having made her aware of his presence.

"Good evening," she said with a smile. "I didn't realise you were here."

"May I be of assistance?" Spock asked, without raising his head from the console.

"Er...no. I was just..." Nyota floundered, taken aback by his uncharacteristic lack of interest. Spock stared at his console intently, the light casting an odd greenish hue over his olive skin that made him seem very...Vulcan.

Nyota tucked her hands behind her back and took a step closer. "I followed your recommendation and acquired a copy of "Shevok'tah gish"," she ventured.

Spock did not look up from what he was doing. "I am afraid I cannot spare the time to discuss opera this evening."

Nyota's eyebrows went up in surprise at his blunt dismissal. "My apologies," she stated coolly. Spock was apparently focussed on the screen before him but she could not miss the brief glance out of the corner of his eye. Nyota watched him with arms folded.

They remained in an awkward silence for a few moments before she spoke again. "Have I done something to offend you Spock?"

"Since we have not spoken for some time I am unaware of any incident which may have lead you to such a conclusion," Spock replied a little too quickly. A light went on in her head.

"Are you sulking because I didn't reply to your message?" she asked with the slightest of smiles. Spock cocked an eyebrow and powered down his console. He rose from his chair and began to gather his things.

"Such a statement implies that I am capable of having an emotional response to your absence," he answered. "I am not."

Nyota's mouth fell open and she stared at him stunned. "Forgive my ignorance," she gasped.

"There is no need to apologise, Cadet," he told her. "It is a common human misconception." He sealed his bag and slung it over his shoulder.

"Aren't you half human?" Nyota gibed in response, feeling a malicious pleasure at the flicker of emotion that contorted his face.

"If you will excuse me Cadet, I have an appointment," he informed her with barely concealed irritation. He brushed past her and as she stared open mouthed at his retreating figure she would have sworn it was deliberate.


	9. Chapter 9

When Nyota arrived at her quarters, Gaila was there and Nyota let out a sigh of frustration at the music that was blaring from the bedroom. She dropped her bag in a chair and started to make a cup of tea to warm herself up.

"Oh hey, you're home early?!" Gaila said as she entered the kitchen clad only in a towel. Water dripped from her long hair across the tiled floor as she approached but Nyota had long since given up trying to change her ways.

"Yeah I...just had enough for today," she replied.

"What, no lab tonight? What about Spock? I thought he was er...teaching you to meditate?" Gaila teased. Nyota's expression turned sour.

"Oh shut up, Gaila," she snapped irritably, dumping her cup down heavily and marching into the bedroom.

"Oooh hit a nerve did I?" Gaila taunted, following her inside. "I knew it, you are so into him."

"Oh I am not!" Nyota replied exasperated. She sat down heavily on the bed and tugged off her boots.

"If you say so," her room mate said with a smile, sitting down on the bed opposite. "Anyway, so since you're free, you wanna come out with me and the boys?" Nyota pulled her sweater off and met Gaila's hopeful expression.

"I'm sorry Gaila," Nyota said apologetically. "I'm just...tired." Her friend eyed her sceptically.

"You sure? You seem like you could use cheering up." Nyota smiled but did not reply, just continued getting undressed. Gaila pursed her lips. "Come on! We'll have a few drinks, we'll dance, we'll discuss philosophy as if we know what we're talking about..." Nyota smiled.

"Thanks Gaila, maybe next time. I just want to take a shower and maybe a nap." Nyota stood up to go into the bathroom and gave her friend an affectionate squeeze on the shoulder as she passed.

"I'll have my comm if you change your mind!" Gaila shouted as Nyota entered the bathroom and closed the door behind her.

She stood under the hot spray for a long time. When she was finished she dressed casually and lay back on her bed for a while staring at the ceiling. Her mind swirled with unresolved emotions but unwilling to acknowledge them, Nyota grabbed her PADD and flicked it on.

Advanced Morphophonology, the text said as she began to read. Nyota let out a groan of disgust and dumped the PADD on the floor.

After waking up groggy from napping too long, Nyota stepped out into the evening air to clear her head. She made her way along the covered walkway that led from the residences towards the main campus of the Academy. She passed by the library, following a sloping path outside that led to the ornamental pond. She stood beside it for a while, kicking pebbles into the water and watching the perfect reflection distorted by ripples. Continuing along the path through the wooded copse that bordered the edge of the campus, she came out on the other side and found herself on the outskirts of the city. Eventually, she came to an open air market that she had frequented several times before and she meandered through at a leisurely pace, the air filled with a myriad of Human and alien languages.

Gaila was probably around here somewhere, she mused and briefly considered giving her a call when far above the sky rumbled and a light rain began to fall. In the distance she saw the bright neon of the underground transit system. It was cold, she had gone much further than she intended and she didn't have a decent coat.

Wrapping her arms about herself, she made her way along the street towards the station. Her shoulders were hunched and her eyes downcast, the rain starting to fall more heavily. She grumbled and pulled her jacket up to cover her hair. She increased her pace so that she would reach the shelter of the station more quickly and when she looked up to see how much further she had to go, she locked eyes with a tall, dark figure coming in the opposite direction.

Spock.


	10. Chapter 10

"Nyota," he stated, his voice betraying the merest hint of surprise.

"What are you doing here?" she demanded. Spock tilted his head to one side. She quickly tugged her jacket down off her head and smoothed down her hair.

"My quarters are located in this vicinity." Nyota dropped her eyes to the floor.

"Oh," she said by way of reply. They stood in silence for a few moments and when she raised her head he was regarding her expectantly. "What?"

"Your greeting was uncharacteristically curt," he told her.

"It wasn't intended as a greeting at all," she muttered. Spock's eyebrows went up.

"You are displeased, presumably as a result of our last encounter," he stated.

"Your statement supposes your presence is capable of provoking an emotional response in me," she mocked.

"Am I mistaken?" Spock asked, stepping closer.

"You may be my superior but your question is very personal. I would be within my rights to decline to answer," Nyota deflected.

"If you do so, I shall infer that you would have otherwise replied in the negative," Spock told her. Nyota shook her head, confused.

"How is that logical?" she complained, rubbing her temple absently. Spock dropped his gaze. Nyota could not miss the uncharacteristic swipe of his tongue across his lips.

"Forgive me. The complexities of human interaction are confusing to me," he explained. Nyota smiled bitterly.

"That much is clear," she said, wrinkling her nose and sniffing as the rain trickled down her face. "This is ridiculous," she huffed.

"Yes, it is illogical for us to continue this discussion in the rain," Spock stated, stepping closer. "This establishment offers adequate shelter." He gestured to a restaurant immediately to her left.

Nyota shook her head in disbelief. "Are you suggesting I wait out the weather? With you? In this restaurant?"

"It is not without precedent. You have remained in my company during inclement whether on many occasions," he said. She could not fault his logic.

Nyota did not reply, turning instead onto the covered patio at the front of the restaurant and seating herself at a free table. Spock's expression was as neutral as ever and she cursed him inwardly, peering into his eyes in search of even the vaguest hint of what was going through his mind. The sound of the rain was loud on the awning above them, the air was filled with the quiet murmurings of the other patrons and the general hubbub of the market. When the server approached Spock ordered tea and Rigellian dumplings.

"And for you miss?" the server inquired. Nyota swallowed hard.

"The same," she answered, fiddling with the corner of the table and avoiding Spock's stare. They sat in silence for a moment before she heaved an exasperated sigh. "This is ridiculous."

"I disagree," Spock answered. Nyota glared at him.

"I don't even know why I'm here!" she uttered.

"I find it to be a perfectly logical state of affairs," Spock told her.

"I don't see how it is logical for me to be at a restaurant with you," Nyota replied. His brow furrowed.

"It is no less logical than any other occasion in which we have been in each others company." Nyota scowled.

"Working together in a professional capacity is a little different from sharing a meal, Spock," she told him condescendingly.

"I understand eating together is an activity Humans often partake of together in a social context," Spock answered.

"That implies a certain level of familiarity," Nyota replied.

"You have previously led me to believe that our acquaintance was sufficiently familiar," Spock said.

"From the way you behaved today, Spock, you are lucky I am even talking to you. If you weren't my commanding officer..." she hissed. Spock's expression darkened.

"Professional ethics do not encourage fraternization between cadets and their training officers." Nyota became aware of an unpleasant knot in her stomach.

"Are we fraternizing?" she asked nervously. Before Spock could answer the server arrived bringing their food. She could have sworn he seemed relieved by the distraction. He clutched his fork in his hand and stared at his food.

"Happy Stomach," she said blankly in Rigellian. Spock's lips quirked.

"Happy Stomach," he replied.

The silence with which they began to eat was unbearable. Nyota stared out at the passers-by on the street and gave a little cough.

"I like Rigellian food," she ventured, not looking at Spock.

"It is agreeable," Spock replied eventually. Nyota turned and gave him an expectant look. He glanced from side to side. "There is a gratifying variety of vegetarian dishes," he added. Nyota nodded.

"Yes," she said. "There are."


	11. Chapter 11

When it came to paying the bill, Nyota felt torn between wanting to make him pay for acting like a jerk to her in the lab earlier and avoiding another awkward conversation with Spock on the symbolism of letting him pick up the tab.

"It is perfectly logical that I should pay half," she told him, proffering her thumb.

"Dining in this establishment was my suggestion," Spock said, holding his own thumb in a similar manner

"Spock I would prefer to pay for my own meal," she said with a sigh but he pressed his thumb against the scanner anyway.

"Arguing at this point would be illogical."

It had stopped raining and so it seemed logical for them to leave. Spock escorted her to the transit station. Standing together on the main concourse he turned to her abruptly.

"You seem displeased that I did not allow you to pay for your meal."

Nyota shifted from one foot to the other and exhaled a breath through her nose. "Spock I know these things are difficult for you to understand but women don't like to feel obligated," she told him without looking at him. Spock licked his lips and nodded.

"And my paying might cause me to believe you have an obligation to me?" Nyota swung her arms back and forth in the chilly evening air.

"It might," she coughed, still not looking at him. Spock was very confused.

"Nyota I have observed your conflicting emotional states recently," he said. Nyota's head snapped around suddenly. Now he had her attention. "I hypothesize that my presence is not always agreeable to you." Nyota felt...she wasn't quite sure.

"It...You..." she stammered, flushing with embarrassment. Spock seemed equally uncomfortable.

"I am unaccustomed to Human emotions. If my behaviour is...not correct, I apologize. I do not think I am able to interact with you in the manner which you require." Nyota's heart sank. He seemed...saddened.

"Spock," she breathed. "I'm sorry." He was staring at her shoes. "I was just...you were very cold today and...I guess it hurt my feelings," Nyota confessed. She glanced up to see a passer-by watching them and realized the absurdity of the situation, of standing in the middle of a busy concourse talking to a Vulcan about her feelings.

"I do not understand how my body temperature affects your emotional state," Spock said, his brow furrowed. Nyota smiled.

"It's an expression," she explained gently. "Meaning emotionally distant." He nodded.

"My behaviour this afternoon was...irrational," he said. "I have recently been...distracted. Clearly it is affecting my judgement." Nyota took a moment to process.

"Why wuh...would you be distracted, Spock?" she asked very quietly. Spock looked her right in the eye and opened his mouth to speak but he could not seem to get the words out. They stood in silence for a minute. The sound of the shuttle arriving at the platform sounded up from the below.

"That's my shuttle," Nyota said, blinking and after a moment's hesitation, she turned away from him towards the stairs.

"Nyota," Spock said, stepping after her and catching hold of her hand. She gasped in surprise and turned to stare at where his fingers gently circled her wrist.

"I...I thought Vulcans didn't like to be touched," she breathed.

"I am half Human," he reminded her gently and when she lifted her chin, her breath hitched at the intensity of his stare.


	12. Chapter 12

Spock's quarters were located in a tower block not far from the station. As they entered, Spock removed his jacket and placed it on a hook on the wall. Nyota looked around the room, nervously rubbing her bicep with her hand.

"Your jacket is damp, it would be logical to remove it," Spock told her and she nodded in agreement.

"It would." She peeled it from her shoulders and handed to him. While he placed it on the hook beside his own she took a few steps forward. "Do you want me to take off my shoes?"

"It is my custom," Spock told her. Nyota duly bent down to unzip her boots, well aware of his eyes on her as she did so. Stepping out of them, she picked her boots of the floor and as she handed them to him their fingers brushed together. Her mouth went dry.

Turning away from him, Nyota began to gently pace the room, taking in the sparse but elegant furnishings and standing for a moment beside the window. "Beautiful view," she commented, looking over her shoulder at him.

"Vulcans appreciate beauty," he reminded her and she huffed a breath of amusement to disguise her awkwardness.

"You are half human," she said, parroting his earlier words as she turned to face him.

"I am aware of this fact," Spock replied, watching her intently.

"I wonder..." she began but then fell silent.

"Yes?"

Nyota chewed her lip. "I wonder how often Vulcans take girls back to their quarters." Spock blinked slowly and stepped towards her, his feet silent on the carpeted floor.

"You wish to know if this is an activity I partake in regularly?" he said, reaching forward and taking her hand. Nyota watched as he raised it in front of his chest and with his other hand began to stroke across the back of her fingers as he had done in the elevator. Her mouth fell open and her tongue felt too big for her mouth, her breath was slow and deep.

"The thought...had...crossed...my mind," she gasped, desire washing through her at his touch. Spock regarded her through lazy, slitted eyes.

"It is not something I do often, although I confess it has happened before," he told her, reaching forward to tuck her hair behind her ear.

"I can't believe I'm doing this," she muttered, dropping her chin and staring at his chest. Spock went still and slowly lowered his hands.

"Perhaps I have misunderstood your intentions," he told her, releasing her and taking a step back.

"Oh Spock, Jesus!" she cursed, covering her face with her hands. She rubbed her palms across her face and when she pulled them away Spock had turned slightly away from her and was staring at the carpet, his hands clenched into fists at his sides. "I'm sorry, I just...I don't know what I'm doing!"

Spock's jaw was tense and he shook his head slowly from side to side. "I have allowed myself to be guided by my emotions," he rasped.

Nyota's mouth fell open and she stared at the ceiling. "You're my teacher for god's sake," she whispered. Spock's head snapped around and he stared at her with an expression she supposed was a Vulcan panic face .

"I have behaved improperly."

"I should leave," Nyota affirmed, looking around the room to avoid his eyes. Spock remained silent and so Nyota took a step towards the door, then another and another. Spock followed at a distance and watched as she picked up her boots.

"We should probably pretend this never happened," she said, holding her boots tightly in both hands.

"Vulcans are not accustomed to pretence," he murmured and she turned her head to see him staring at the floor.

"Well you'll have to rely on your human side won't you?" she said bitterly. He raised his head and glared at her. Nyota shook her head incredulously and stooped down to fumble with her boots.

"Nyota," he uttered. As she stood up and reached for her coat, Spock moved suddenly towards her and covered her outstretched hand with his own. "I have been dishonest."

She let out a ragged breath as his free hand came up and cupped her cheek. "Spock," she gasped, her eyes falling closed as he pressed her against the door and kissed her.


	13. Chapter 13

Nyota drifted in that place between waking and sleeping, her face pressed into the pillow and her legs tangled with his. Spock lay in the bed beside her, half covering her body with his own. His nose was buried in her hair and his breath was warm in her ear. His hand stroked up and down her bicep and she was aware of a strange sensation that seemed to seep through his skin and into her body. It was very pleasant.

Spock shifted in the bed behind her. She turned to see him sit upright on the edge of the bed, a very un-Vulcan slouch to his shoulders. She watched for a minute as he sat staring straight out of the window at the cityscape beyond.

"Spock," she murmured quietly, reaching out to touch him. His muscles twitched beneath her hand as she traced the marks she had made there earlier. Spock turned his head and looked at her, his expression was as neutral as ever if a little sleepy. His hair stuck up at odd angles and she could not resist from running her hand through it.

"Nyota," he replied softly, stroking down the side of her face with the back of his fingers. She smiled and turned to press her lips to his palm. Spock exhaled a ragged breath in response. If there was one thing she had learned tonight it was that Vulcans had very sensitive hands. "I must meditate," he rasped after while, pulling his hand away.

"Spock I...," she began, reaching her hand around his body and stroking down his chest. Spock leaned his head toward her and pressed his nose against hers as their hands entwined. Her heart thumped erratically inside her chest, her head swam with so many thoughts she felt dizzy. Nyota squeezed her eyes tightly shut and pressed her face against his bicep. She was terrified by the emotions that raged inside of her, unsure why she suddenly felt so shy after what they had done. Before she could say anything else, Spock raised his hand and stroked his palm across the back of her head. She held her breath as silently he withdrew his hand and slipped out of the bed.

Nyota sat silently while Spock dressed and when he left the room she hurriedly gathered her own clothes and slipped them on. When she stepped out of the bedroom she found Spock preparing tea in his small kitchen. As she entered he held out a small cup. "A ceremonial earth tea," he informed her. "I find it a useful aid to meditation."

"You think I need some clarity?" she asked, taking the cup from him. Spock considered this for a moment.

"I think perhaps we both do." Nyota stared into his eyes and felt totally lost by what she saw there. Standing in the half light he seemed like a totally different man to the one who had just taken her to bed. The silence in the room was oppressive. She drank her tea quickly and set the empty cup down.

"Thank you for the tea, Spock," she said, attempting to mirror the stillness he projected. "I'm going now."

She turned and made her way to the door, grabbing her coat and tugging it on. Spock followed her.

"I will escort you," he said, blocking her exit. Nyota pulled up her collar and met his eyes.

"Really, it's not necessary," she uttered breathlessly. He blinked in confusion.

"You seem eager to leave," he said finally. Nyota fiddled with her cuffs.

"I don't want to be in the way," she muttered and when she looked at him, his brow was furrowed.

"I will escort you," he told her again, taking her gently by the elbow and looking her right in the eye.

He held her hand all the way to the station and Nyota felt her anxiety wane. He waited with her on the empty platform.

"I don't think you should come all the way," Nyota said quietly, a chilly breeze blowing her hair across her face. Spock nodded and brushed it away.

"It would be indiscreet," he agreed. Nyota sucked on her lower lip pensively.

"Spock, before..." she ventured. "When you said you had been dishonest, what did you mean?" He swallowed and played with her fingers. In the distance she could hear the shuttle approaching. "Please tell me."

"I was dishonest when I led you to believe that your presence did not provoke an emotional response in me," he said as the shuttle pulled up at the platform and came to a halt beside them. Her mouth fell open in surprise. "You must go." He stroked his fingers down her cheek one more time and stepped back. Nyota did not reply, simply turned and boarded the train, watching his solitary figure on the platform as it pulled away.


	14. Chapter 14

"Cadet Uhura, a moment of your time if you please," Spock said in a commanding tone as the cadets began to shuffle out of the classroom.

"Yes sir?"

"You seem preoccupied." Her brows went up a little before she got control of her emotions and they went down again.

"Not at all, sir," she answered in a voice that projected a calm she did not feel. Spock regarded her for a moment.

"I trust you are still committed to achieving your potential in this class," he asked. Nyota clenched her jaw reflexively.

"Of course, sir," she replied. They stood in an awkward silence.

Nyota cleared her throat. "I'm afraid I have to go, I'm very busy today," she explained and Spock's nostrils flared as he huffed out a breath of dissatisfaction. She felt a surge of victory and before he could speak again she turned on her heel and walked out of the door. Spock gathered his things and followed her into the corridor.

"Your absence from the lab has been noted," he said falling into stride beside her as she hurried down the hall.

"I was not under the impression it was compulsory" she replied staring straight ahead

"You are fully aware that it is not," he told her. She turned a corner and as she did so their arms brushed together. "I believe you are attempting to avoid me," Spock muttered and her eyes widened a little at the feel of his breath in her ear.

"You haven't contacted me either," she offered lamely coming to a halt in front of the elevator. Spock was wearing his cynical Vulcan face.

"I had anticipated seeing you in person but you failed to appear," he told her accusingly. Another cadet stopped behind them and Spock clutched his PADD behind his back, the epitome of the placid, emotionless Vulcan. The doors to the elevator opened and Nyota stood to one side to let the passengers out, aware that her elbow was pressing gently into his ribs.

"Your behaviour is illogical and unnecessary," Spock continued in Vulcan as they stood side by side in the back of the car. Nyota's eyes went wide.

"I'm not sure we can't be understood as easily in Vulcan as in Standard," she warned, also in Vulcan.

"I am not aware that we have said anything that is inappropriate," he replied. Nyota turned to face him.

"This is hardly the place," she chastised. Spock narrowed his eyes at her but before he could speak the elevator came to a halt and the doors slid open. Nyota stepped out into the hallway with Spock close behind.

"Perhaps you might suggest a time and a place that is more commodious," Spock said, following her along the corridor.

"Oh alright!" she hissed in Standard, spinning on her heel to face him. A group of nearby cadets fell silent and turned to look at them. Spock straightened his spine and regarded them with detachment.

"You are becoming emotional," he observed. Nyota rolled her eyes and let out a huff of disbelief.

"I have a class starting..."she paused to check her chronometer. "Right now so I'm afraid we will have finish this conversation later."

"You will tell me a time and a location," he replied in his commander voice. Nyota's brows went up.

"Fine," she answered looking him right in the eye. "I will come to your office at the end of the day. Sir." Spock held her gaze and she got the distinct impression that he wanted to throttle her.


	15. Chapter 15

Nyota was walking along the front of the Linguistics building on her way to Spock's office when she saw him climbing the steps outside. As he neared the top he raised his head and on seeing her, stopped and loitered outside the door. Nyota tucked her PADD into her bag and slid it around her back as she approached.

"Hello," she said, tying a scarf around her neck.

"Good evening," he replied, his gaze flicking up and down her body. Nyota shifted, flushing at the knowledge that he had seen her naked. "Shall we walk?"

"Alright."

They turned and made their way back down the steps and across the grassy quad towards the library. It was growing dark and there was a distinct chill in the air. Nyota hunched her shoulders and buried her hands in her pockets.

"You seem uncomfortable," Spock observed. Nyota licked her lips and dipped her head.

"It's cold," she muttered.

"I was not referring to the weather," Spock said dryly.

"I...I'm confused," she confessed.

"You are troubled by what has transpired between us," Spock surmised. Nyota nodded and stared at the path as they walked.

"Is that a surprise?"

"It is...a delicate situation," he replied. "As your superior it may be perceived that I have abused my position of trust in becoming physically intimate with you."

Nyota huffed. "Is that what you're worried about?"

"Are you not likewise concerned for your own reputation?" Spock asked. She shrugged.

"I suppose. I hadn't really thought about it like that."

"How had you thought about it?" She scanned his face for clues but he was as unreadable as ever.

"I'm embarrassed if you must know," she admitted.

"You regret what we have done?" Spock asked and she clenched her jaw.

"I feel like...a silly little girl with a crush on her teacher," she breathed.

Spock seem to consider this for a moment. "Sexual urges are a logical function of biology," he told her. Nyota pulled a face.

"Is that meant to make me feel better?"

"I am not able to fully appreciate your point of view, Nyota," Spock said gently. "I do not experience emotion in the same way as you do." He was watching her with a curious expression.

"You don't feel anything for me?" She came to a halt as she tried to process that thought. Spock came to a rest beside her, his shoes crunching on the gravel beneath. Nyota turned to look out over the water as they stood beside the ornamental pond.

"Perhaps you are concerned that we have acted impulsively and that my esteem of you is somehow diminished?" he said reaching up to tug away a strand of her hair that had become stuck to her lip.

"Perhaps," she chuffed quietly, the familiar confusion of emotions rising up in her at even so slight a touch.

"Your concern is unjustified," he told her. She felt...relieved. "I have meditated on the matter," he continued.

"And what conclusions did you come to?" she managed, nervously massaging the palm of her left hand with the thumb of her right. When he spoke it was in a quiet, low voice.

"Only that I must see you again, Nyota."

"That doesn't seem like a very logical conclusion," she murmured, staring at her hands.

"Perhaps not but imperative nonetheless," he replied. She looked up at his face and the look in his eyes made her shiver. "You are cold."

"I'm okay," Nyota whispered.

"It is logical that we continue this conversation in a more ambient location," he stated. There was a loud flutter as a bird took off from the middle of the pond and Nyota stared at the undulating reflection of the lights on the water.

"Are you asking me to come home with you?"


	16. Chapter 16

Nyota was lying face down across Spock's chest as they lay sprawled across the floor of his apartment. The dawn was seeping through the windows and the candles that flickered on the table seemed pale and insignificant now that the sun was starting to rise. Spock lay beneath her, his fingers trailing idly across her back while she stroked her nails over his palm. Occasionally she would drag them up across the crease of his wrist and his breath would hitch a little.

"Is that nice?" she murmured, her breath hot and damp on his skin where her mouth was pressed against him.

"Mmmit is," he murmured, not opening his eyes. She shifted against him and let her eyes fall closed again, lulled by the gentle caress of his fingers on her skin but when his stomach gurgled loudly in her ear she laughed. "Are my bodily functions amusing to you?" Spock drawled.

"Yes," she confessed with a chuckle, turning and placing her palm on his chest and propping her chin on top. Spock cracked open one eye and she could not help the broad smile that broke out across her face at the sight of him beneath her. His hair was a mess, there was a dark shadow of stubble across his face and his expression was one of smug satisfaction. Spock quirked a brow. "You look like the cat that got the cream," she uttered idly.

"A curious metaphor," he commented. "Felines enjoy bovine lactose," he continued, wrapping his arms around her and rolling her onto her back. "As do I." He laid her across the carpet, kissed her briefly on the mouth and rose to his feet. She watched as he padded into the kitchen, poured a large glass of milk and then proceeded to drink it in a few long gulps. She shook her head and pushed herself up to a sitting position. Spock clanked around in the kitchen for a few minutes and Nyota turned to stare at a candle on the table before her, reaching forward and sticking her finger in the melted wax that pooled around the wick.

"Ouch!" she hissed, shaking her hand and grimacing as the hot wax cooled on her fingertip.

"That was singularly illogical," Spock commented as he returned carrying a bunch of bananas.

"You don't say," Nyota replied, peering up at him through her lashes for a second before peeling the wax from her finger.

"Vulcan candles burn very slowly," he informed her, taking her hand and examining the tip of her finger.

"So they burn very hot," she finished for him. He quirked a brow at her and kissed the tip of her finger. She smiled. "Is that the Vulcan method for dealing with burns?" she teased.

"It is my mother's method," he told her, placing her hand down and turning his attention to peeling a banana. Nyota sat watching silently as he proceeded to devour the fruit in his hand before reaching for another. He held it out towards her and she took it, peeling it slowly as he tore another from the bunch. She wanted desperately to ask him about his mother but she didn't dare. They sat in silence as they ate and Nyota came to realise that it was not at all uncomfortable. As she watched him she felt a strange longing that she did not quite understand. She took a deep breath.

"I expect you want to meditate," she said. Spock nodded ever so slightly.

"It is my usual practice," he replied gently. Nyota blinked and swallowed a mouthful of fruit.

"I'll go." Spock's lashes fluttered.

"I do not wish you to feel obliged to do so," he began. She smiled wanly.

"But you would prefer that I did, " she finished. "It's alright, you don't have to explain." Spock quirked a cheeky brow and stared at her chest.

"It is true that I do not believe I would be able to maintain adequate focus if you were present." Nyota grinned broadly and reached for her clothes.

"I have things to do anyway, I have a busy day," she told him, tugging her socks over her feet. Spock sat silently, watching with hawk eyes as she lay back on the floor and wriggled into her underwear.

"You will come again soon." Spock said it as a statement rather than a question and Nyota paused for a moment halfway through pulling on her sweater. When she did not immediately respond Spock turned to her with a questioning look.

"Will I now?" she said in a tone he perceived to be be vaguely mocking.

"Does the prospect not appeal to you?" he asked. Nyota grinned broadly.

"Spock you are a very appealing prospect," she told him, shaking her head.

"Then why do you hesitate?" Nyota pursed her lips and squinted at him, pondering how to respond.

"I...don't know," she began. "I'm not hesitating I'm just...not expecting."

"You are not expecting to be intimate with me again?" His tone was clearly agitated. Nyota could not help but laugh at the expression on his face.

"Oh god Spock," she said gently. "Oh...I don't know, nevermind." She shook her head and chewed her lip, suppressing her amusement as she stood up and pulled her hair out of the back of her sweater.

"What do you not understand?" he said. Nyota pursed her lips as she considered her reply, heaving a sigh before she spoke.

"It's okay, Spock, I think I understand just fine," she said, standing up and pulling her skirt up her legs.

"I do not understand what has just occurred," he murmured, rising to stand beside her. "I believe now I do not understand." Nyota chewed her lip and glanced up and down his naked form.

"What's to understand, Spock?" she said with a smile. He narrowed his eyes at her. "I have to go," she told him with a gentle squeeze on the arm. Spock stepped into her path under the pretext of putting on his clothes.

"I will escort you," he told her firmly. "And you will make me understand." Nyota blinked.

"What don't you understand?" she asked half joking half exasperated. Spock inhaled loudly through his nose.

"You seem reticent to confirm our next meeting," he said, tucking his shirt into his pants and hopping into a sock. Nyota sucked on the inside of her cheek.

"Spock, listen, I...like you," she told him. He really did scowl then.

"Like seems to me to be an inadequate term in this context," he answered. Nyota ran her fingers under the back of her collar.

"Yes," she replied. "I suppose it is." When she met his eyes she realised the conversation was becoming a little more serious than she had anticipated. "Spock I need to go." She stepped around him and went to the door to put on her boots. Spock began to do likewise.

"Nyota I have observed a curious phenomenon in you," he began. "You are oddly intransigent about agreeing to see me and yet when you are in my company, you seem as eager as I am to..."

She stepped forward, cupped his face and placed a kiss on his lips. Spock put his arms around her. "I am eager," she told him earnestly,rubbing his ears and looking him the eye. Her heart constricted at the longing she saw there and it terrified her. "Unlike you Spock, I'm only Human," she said.

That seemed to pacify him but Nyota's mind was racing as they walked hand in hand through the empty street to the transit station.

"Vulcans don't pursue friendships do they Spock?" she asked as they waited on the platform.

"They do not," he replied.

"But they appreciate beauty, right?"

"I believe we have had this conversation before," he said, somewhat perplexed. Nyota took a deep breath and stared up the dark tunnel at the light of the shuttle in the distance.

"I suppose I can tolerate being appreciated."


	17. Chapter 17

Nyota stared at the screen in front of her and realised that she had been reading the same page for the last half an hour. She let out a groan and buried her face in her hands.

"I can't take it, Gaila," she complained. "If I have to read one more line on Interspecies Ethics I am going to kill myself."

She raised her head to lock eyes with her friend in the pod opposite. Gaila looked similarly overwrought.

"Remind me why I'm doing this?" Gaila murmured zombie-like. Nyota smiled weakly and let out a huff of breath.

"Because you're a masochist." Gaila chuckled. "I'm going to get a coffee," Nyota said, rising to her feet. "Or maybe some amphetamines." Gaila grinned.

"I'll take some of that please," she joked sticking her arm out and exposing the inside of her elbow. Nyota smiled and started to wander away.

"See ya in a bit," she mumbled as she went.

Downstairs Nyota leaned her palm against the wall as the replicator hummed, staring at the floor and feeling like her eyes were on stalks. When her drink was ready she took the cup and wandered over to stand by the tall windows of the library lobby, staring out blankly at the grass.

"Ug, why do I bother?" she muttered on tasting the replicated coffee, turning around intent on dumping the entire thing in the recycling. As she took a step forward the doors swished open behind her and glancing over her shoulder who should she locked eyes with but Spock. She smiled.

He stopped and looked at her long and hard for a moment.

"You do not look well," he commented.

"Nice to see you too," she replied sourly.

"Clearly the stress of these examinations is starting to affect you," he said stepping closer. Nyota hitched a shoulder.

"What can you do?"

Spock scowled. "You can take adequate rest and follow a balanced diet. Clearly you have done neither."

She rolled her eyes and traipsed towards the garbage. "I thought we weren't allowed to talk to each other till the exams were over," she told him dumping the cup in the trash. Spock tucked his hands behind his back.

"I suppose since you have already completed your Phonology examination there is no ethical conflict," he mused, stepping closer.

"Lalala" Nyota said, sticking her fingers in her ears. "I don't want to hear the P word!" Spock quirked a brow.

"Clearly you are experiencing some kind of emotional breakdown as a result of the stress," he said

and Nyota's jaw dropped.

"Are you...making a joke?" she asked with an incredulous smile.

"You are delusional Cadet," he assured her. She chuckled. "In all seriousness I would recommend rest. I am...concerned."

"Thank you for your concern." Spock stared at her with gentle eyes.

"It is agreeable to see you," he murmured. Nyota blushed.

"You are missing from me also," she replied in Vulcan, gratified by the gentle flutter of his lashes.

His face took on a thoughtful mien."I wonder..." he began, still speaking Vulcan.

"What do you wonder Spock-kam?" Nyota asked at his hesitation.

"I wonder if you would not benefit from some rest and meditation," he said eventually. She squinted a little and tilted her head to one side.

"Are you offering to take care of me Spock-kam?" She was grinning broadly.

"Are you consenting to being taken care of?" he asked.

"Answering a question with a question Spock-kam," she chided playfully.

"You are being abstruse Nyota-kam," he said, his brow furrowing. She sighed.

"If you will allow me to get my things, I will allow you to take care of me Spock-kam," she capitulated. "I'll be right back," she added in Standard.

She ambled away muttering under her breath "Spockkam spockkam spocckam."

Spock watched as she disappeared inside the elevator, still confused as to quite what it was that she found so amusing.


	18. Chapter 18

Nyota awoke several hours later in his bed unsure if she felt better or worse for having a full stomach and a few hours sleep behind her. Scratching her head, she dropped her legs over the side of the bed and wrapped herself in the sheet. Cautiously she peered around the door to see Spock sitting half naked on the floor like a statue, a single candle burning on the table before him. She slouched silently against the doorframe to watch him.

"I am aware of your presence," he said eventually, still unmoving except for his lips.

"Sorry," Nyota murmured.

"There is no need to apologize," he said cracking one eye open and peering at her. She smiled gently.

"You do that everyday?" she asked.

"Every day," he replied. She nodded.

"And it helps you."

"That term is inadequate but I suppose it is accurate," he answered.

"Enlighten me," she implored gently. Spock sucked on his lower lip and looked thoughtful.

"It is...not easy to explain," he said. "Come." He held his hand out towards her. She stepped forward and allowed him to pull her down, shifting so that she was settled between his legs. Nyota was immediately struck by a sense of calm. His chest pressed against her back was warm and his hands were gentle as he took hers and turned them upwards, resting them in his palms.

"Do not try to do anything," he told her in a serene voice. "Just cast your eyes on the flame and breathe. Become aware of your breath, don't force it..."

Nyota gazed at the flame and relaxed against him, the sound of her heart beating loud in her ear. As he spoke she became aware of the sound of the traffic outside the window and the breeze in the trees. The birds were making a racket, squawking relentlessly at one another. In the distance she was sure she could hear the whine of a drill and something else, something so vague it almost wasn't there. It was the hum of electricity from the console in the wall, from the light in the corridor outside.

"The world is so noisy," she whispered with consternation.

"It is," Spock agreed softly.

"How can you meditate with all that?" She felt him smile into her hair.

"After a while you realise, all the noise – ultimately it is just the sound of the universe. It is all the same sound and it is...it is no sound at all." Nyota stared at the flame and considered this.

"I suppose," she said after a while. "When you think of it that way and you see how manic everything is, it all seems quite...illogical really."

"It does indeed," he agreed with some satisfaction. She turned her head slightly and caught his eye.

"So that's how you do it," she said with a slight smile. Spock pursed his lips.

"Some days it is less successful than others," he admitted.

"Hmm," she murmured. "How's that?" Spock ran his gently rubbed his thumbs across her palms and her breath hitched ever so slightly.

"It depends," he said.

"On what?" He leaned his cheek against the side of her head.

"On what is in my thoughts." His eyes fell closed and absently he brought his hand up to stroke the other side of her head. Nyota leaned into his touch with the smallest of sighs. "Your absence is unsatisfactory," he murmured.

She screwed her eyes tightly shut as his fingers stroked across the side of her face, cupping her cheek and turning her head towards his."I've missed you," she whispered.

Spock leaned his forehead against hers and caressed her cheek again and again."When I wake, you are the first thing in my mind," he confessed.


	19. Chapter 19

The corridor was noisy and crowded and Nyota had to squeeze through the mass of bodies to get to the screens on the wall ahead. Gaila was close behind her and Nyota staggered as she gave her a slight shove.

"Go on! I'm dying here!" Gaila urged and Nyota grimaced as her chin came into contact with the hard shoulder of the cadet in front of her.

"Geeze Gaila, alright!" she complained as they pressed through the crush.

"Can you see my name?" Gaila squealed, reaching up on her tip toes and scanning the board but Nyota was too busy looking for her own. Her index finger toyed with her lower lip as she searched through the list until she found her name. She held her breath as she read the scores listed beside it. Gaila let out a whoop and turned to her with a huge grin plastered across her face.

"I passed everything!" she screeched. "How about you?"

Nyota was quiet but she was smiling.

"Oh god I'm so happy!" Gaila gushed, wrapping her arms around her friend and squeezing till she couldn't breathe.

They turned back and made their way out of the throng to be greeted congratulations and commiserations from the other cadets. As Nyota returned their hugs, she was aware of something, a feeling that she couldn't quite place and as she glanced to the side she saw Spock loitering with a group of training officers in an alcove under the main stairs. He looked up and caught her eye. The crowd thinned out as she ambled through the lobby towards him, sun pouring in through the tall library windows and Nyota felt like a heavy weight had been lifted from her shoulders, a long summer break full of promise stretching out before her.

"Congratulations," he uttered as they approached each other.

"Thank you, sir," she said.

"You have excelled in every subject," he stated and she huffed bashfully.

"Not so great in Astrotheory 101," she admitted.

"You have surpassed the required minimum," he said gently.

"Still," she said, wrinkling her nose a little. "It would have been nice to get more than a commendable."

"Do not concern yourself. Your average still merits a distinction," he assured her.

"At least I came top in Phonology," she teased.

"The assessments were graded anonymously," he said severely. She chuckled.

"I must have had a good instructor," she quipped. They fell silent. "Listen, a bunch of people are going out to celebrate tonight and I promised I would go with them," she began and Spock nodded.

"I see."

Nyota hitched a shoulder."I thought perhaps..." she paused and licked her lips, glancing around nervously. "Maybe I could sneak away early," she whispered.

Spock looked her in the eye. "Maybe you could."


	20. Chapter 20

Nyota's shoes were loud on the tiles as they entered his building and Spock could not help but drop his gaze to her ankles as she walked. Her footwear was as decorous as it was illogical. As they waited for the elevator, she shifted from foot to foot, bending down to rub her finger under the strap across her heel. Inside the elevator car she leant back against the wall and bent her knee up, resting one leg on the other and swapping them over again and again.

"Is something troubling you?" Spock asked raising one brow.

"No, no," Nyota assured. She leaned her head against his shoulder with sigh and stroked her hand up and down his arm with a chuckle.

"Something amuses you?" Nyota pressed her chin into his chest and stared up at him with sparkling eyes.

"Nothing in particular," she said, pursing her lips in such a way that made him want to kiss them. When she stood up she pulled a funny face and shifted from foot to foot, exhaling audibly.

"Your footwear is causing you some distress," Spock noted. She linked her fingers with his and leaned back with a slight squint.

"Maybe just a little a bit," she admitted. When the doors to the elevator opened, she groaned and dropped her head back against the wall.

"Oh god, we have to walk," she complained.

Spock's gaze flicked up and down her body briefly before he bent down and hoisted her into his arms. Nyota giggled and looped her arms around his neck, stroking his chin.

"How chivalrous you are," she crooned playfully.

"A logical method of expediting our passage," he informed her. Nyota snorted and nuzzled his ear with her nose.

"Very logical," she murmured. Spock's eye twitched as she squirmed in his arms and began to chew on his earlobe.

"Nyota..." he chided and she chuckled.

"Your ears are sexy," she told him.

"I am gratified," he replied.

"I am gratified that you are gratified," she said, pressing her face against his and stroking her hand through his hair.

"You have consumed alcohol," he observed.

"Just a little bit," she giggled.

"You are intoxicated." Nyota rolled her eyes.

"I am not!" she protested.

"Your behaviour would indicate otherwise," he said sourly. Nyota raised her chin to look at him but he would not meet her eyes.

"I'm not drunk Spock, I'm just...happy," she explained. His brow quirked.

"I see," he replied as they neared his door.

"What do you see?" she asked as he carried her over the threshold and into his apartment.

"I was merely making an observation," he told her, setting her down gently on the couch before turning away and walking into the kitchen. When he returned a moment later Nyota shuffled up to make room for him and eyed the glass of water in his hand suspiciously.

"Trying to sober me up?" she asked dryly. He glanced at her sideways before sitting on the couch beside her.

"You are not intoxicated" he reminded her. Nyota rubbed her finger above her lip for a second and examined his face for clues.

"Help me take off my shoes," she murmured, putting her feet on his lap. Spock examined her footwear for a minute before his hand came up and he gently began to loosen the fastenings. Nyota rested her head on the back of the couch and watched him. "Thank you," she murmured.

"Your footwear is highly illogical," he commented. She grinned.

"Maybe," she replied. "A woman doesn't always choose a pair of shoes because they are logical."

"Why does she choose them?" he asked, dropping the shoes to the floor and gently rubbing his palm over her ankle. Nyota sighed and leaned her head in her hand.

"Because they're pretty and she wants to look pretty and go out and drink wine with her friends and be happy," she answered. The hand that was caressing her leg stilled.

"You are friends with the Orion Gaila are you not?" he asked not looking at her.

Nyota chewed on her lower lip. "What? You don't approve?"

"Do you require my approval?" he replied a little too quickly and Nyota's narrowed her eyes at him.

"I hate it when you do that," she told him. Spock turned and met her gaze, his lashes fluttering.

"What do I do?" She turned her face away and pressed it into the cushion with a groan.

"You're being difficult."

"I am merely making conversation," he said in phoney ignorance.

"If you want to make conversation why don't you tell me I look pretty and that you like my dress?" she replied.

"You look pretty and I like your dress," he said. Nyota sighed and slouched back flat on the couch.

"You could at least try and sound like you mean it," she said, covering her face with her arm.

"You doubt my sincerity?" Nyota pushed up on her arms and leaned close, looking him in the eye.

"What is the matter with you?" she asked, exasperated.

"I am not aware than anything is wrong," he replied, raising his eyes to look at the ceiling.

"Spock!" she scolded.

"The alcohol is making you emotional," he stated blankly.

Nyota stared at him for a long second before she took a deep breath and turned to drop her legs off the couch. With she leaned forward and picked up the glass water, aware of Spock's eyes on her as she drank. Setting it down she rose to her feet and stooped to pick up her shoes.

"Remind me why I bothered to come," she told him before walking out of the room. Spock followed her into the kitchen.

"Certainly not for the conversation," he quipped. Nyota's mouth dropped open.

"I have no idea how to talk to you when you're like this," she said with a shake of her head. "I'm not sure I really want to."

"No you would rather be out with your friends looking pretty and being happy," he said.

Nyota gripped a shoe tightly in her hand, repressing the urge to throw it at his head.

"What does that mean?" she demanded.

"I was merely making an observation," he replied, the tinge of venom in his voice unmistakeable.

"Now you can observe me leaving," she told him, turning to pull out a chair and sitting as to put on her shoes. Spock stepped across the room and abruptly snatched the shoe out of her hand, hurling it at the wall behind him. Nyota gasped and jumped up out of her seat, taking a few steps back to put some distance between them but Spock grabbed her arm. Indignant, Nyota tried to pull her arm away but his grip was too strong and she only ended up pulling him closer. "Get your hand off me!" she sneered, her eyes flashing.

Spock glowered at her and said nothing, his nostrils flaring as he took ragged breaths. Nyota narrowed her eyes at him and scratched hard across the back of his hand, curling her lip victoriously at his hiss of pain. Spock grabbed her free hand with his and held her arms away from him as she squirmed, meeting her fierce stare with one of his own.

"What is wrong with you?" Nyota demanded furiously and then whimpered in surprise when he swooped down and kissed her hard on the mouth. "You asshole!" she snapped, twisting her head away but when he pulled her close again, she curled her fingers into his shirt and kissed him back.

"I hate you!" she told him as he hoisted her up off the floor.

"You look pretty," he gasped against her lips as he carried her out of the kitchen towards the bedroom. "And I like your dress."

"Go to hell!" she growled but she kissed him anyway.


	21. Chapter 21

When she woke, Nyota rose quietly from the bed and slipped with limbs protesting into the bathroom. She filled the sink and washed her face with cold water, holding the towel against her skin for a long moment. She stared at her reflection in the tall mirror, her eyes lingering for a long time at the marks on her hip and shoulder. She raised her hand and touched her fingers against a blemish on her collarbone. When she pressed against it, it twinged and she flushed with pleasure at the memory.

When she entered the bedroom it was empty. She stooped down to pick up her dress from the floor, idly flicking the ruined zipper and glancing at the unmade bed. Dropping the dress onto a chair she slipped on her underwear and then started to look through the chest under the window. A minute later Spock appeared in the doorway with a glass of water. Nyota turned her head and met his dark eyes, taking a minute to let her gaze run over him. He was completely naked and she could not help the flicker of desire she felt when she took in the beautiful shape of his body. When she saw the angry green scratches across his perfect skin her heart constricted with a feeling she did not understand.

"I uh...thought I left some clothes here," she told him, turning away and looking through a drawer.

"You are leaving," he said stepping closer. Nyota's eyes fluttered.

"I just want to get dressed," she murmured, sliding out of the way as he stepped closer and opened another drawer. With one hand he pulled out a small pile of neatly folded clothes and placed them gently on the chest beside her. She stared at them, aware of his eyes on her.

"You have somewhere to go?" he asked gently. Nyota turned her face to the window, placing her palm down flat on the dresser and leaning against it.

"It's a beautiful sunny day, it would be a shame to spend it inside," she replied.

"You have a whole summer of fine weather ahead," he said and when she did not reply he continued. "Perhaps you are meeting somebody?"

"Am I not allowed to have friends?" Timidly she raised her eyes to look at his face. His expression was utterly neutral and she silently cursed him for it.

"And what am I?" he uttered and she let out a vague huff of breath and turned her face away from him.

"I thought Vulcans didn't pursue friendships," she muttered. Spock clenched his jaw and turned angrily, throwing the glass of water in his hand hard against the opposite wall. Nyota jumped as it impacted with a loud crash, water spraying up the wall and shards of broken glass skittering across the floor. Spock turned away and paced the floor, his breathing hard and his fists clenched. Nyota gripped the edge of the dresser beneath her and trembled and when Spock finally turned to look at her, the pain etched on his face went through her like a knife.

"What's the matter with you?" she breathed, a single tear rolling down her cheek. Spock tilted his head to the side and took a tentative step towards her, his jaw quivering. When he reached his hand out towards her she flinched ever so slightly.

"I...," he stuttered."I apologize." Cautiously he raised his hand and caught her tear on the knuckle of his index finger, staring it at intently."I must meditate," he whispered and turned slowly towards the door. Nyota clenched her jaw.

"Is that the Vulcan answer to everything?" she accused. Spock froze and turned slowly.

"I do not expect you to understand," he said darkly.

"Of course not, I'm only Human," she replied.

"And I am not?" he demanded, his eyes flashing. Nyota snorted.

"Don't even pretend to be offended," she told him angrily. Spock's eyes went wide and he clenched his jaw, biting back his reply. "Oh I'm sorry, I forgot you can't feel offended. You can't feel anything can you?"

She turned away, grabbing the folded pants from the dresser beside her. She shook them out and bent forward, stepping into them and pulling them up her legs. When Nyota turned back to pull the sweater off the dresser she saw the hurt on his face and her heart sank. She took a deep breath and pulled the sweater over her head, slowly pulling her hair out of the back of the collar.

"Spock," she said very softly but he looked away from her as she approached. "I'm sorry. I...I think I should go before I say anything else." Nyota was not sure if she was relieved or disappointed when he moved aside to let her pass.

Her heart was racing as she entered the kitchen and she could feel his eyes on her from the doorway behind. Bending down she picked up her shoe and sighed, turning it over and over in her hand. She flicked the broken heel with her finger as Spock approached from behind.

"I will fix it," he said quietly, taking the shoe from her and turning away. Nyota slouched against the wall and watched as he sat nude on the couch and glued the heel back onto the sole. When he approached her, shoe in hand, she dropped her eyes to the carpet. "I am not a proficient cobbler," he explained.

"Thank you," she replied gently, taking the shoe from him. They stood in an awkward silence for a minute until Nyota couldn't bear it any more and turned away. She sat on the table and slipped her foot into the straps.

"Nyota," Spock began very softly and she stared at her feet as he stepped closer.

"You don't have to say anything Spock," she told him. He hesitated.

"I do not know...how."

Nyota sucked her lower lip between her teeth and rose from her seat, intent on crossing the room towards the front door. When she tried to brush past him when his hand came up and gently tucked her hair behind her ear. Nyota froze, her jaw quivering as he gently tugged her collar back and ran his finger over the bruise on her shoulder. "I did not intend to harm you," he murmured.

Nyota blinked and turned her face away, reaching up and gently moving his hand away. "You didn't," she assured him. Spock took advantage of her action to twist his fingers between hers and hold her hand, stroking her cheek with the other. "Spock," she protested as he pressed his forehead against hers.

"I do not wish for you to leave," he said. Nyota took a deep breath as he placed a kiss against her temple.

"You're not being fair," she whimpered pathetically as he backed her up against the wall.

"Do you have somewhere else you would rather be?" he murmured, nuzzling her neck and kissing her throat. Damn him, damn him, she thought and she pressed her hands flat against the wall behind her to keep from touching him.

"Spock, please," she implored but he pressed against her anyway.

"Don't you like it when I touch you?" he asked, dropping to his knees and pressing his face into the fabric covering her breasts. His hands slid down the sides of her body and her stomach twitched. Nyota inhaled raggedly and let her hands come up to cup his ears.

Spock peered up at her and his hungry gaze made her stutter. "You know that I do," she told him looking down and meeting his eyes.

"Perhaps it pleases me to hear you say it," he told her, pushing the fabric of her sweater up to kiss her stomach.

"Spock," she breathed, her hands coming up to stroke through his hair as he pressed his face between her legs. His hands slid around her body to squeeze her ass and he pressed a hot open mouth kiss on her through her pants. "Oh god," she groaned. Spock hands travelled from back to front and began to slowly open the fly, his fingertips leaving a trail of fire as they brushed against her skin.

"Tell me," he urged and she shuddered. "Tell me you want me to touch you."

Nyota swallowed hard. "I want you to touch me." Spock groaned and tugged her pants down over her hips to place fluttering kisses across her skin. She trembled and tightened her grip on his scalp as he drew her pants down her legs and ran his tongue wetly across the inside of her thigh. She closed her eyes and let him crook her knee to get her pants down over her feet, his lips fastening onto the bend where her thigh met her calf as he loosened the buckle on her shoe and tossed it behind him.

"Say it again," he said, stroking his hand up her leg and across her centre before repeating the same process on her other foot.

"I want you to touch me," she repeated, bolder this time. Spock's face bore an expression like a hungry cat and it made her her shudder. With firm strokes he massaged the inside of her thighs, letting his thumbs brush against her and she bucked her hips into his hand. "Please, please touch me," she whined, her face screwing up with urgency. Nyota's breath hitched when Spock slipped his hand beneath the elastic of her underwear, groaning as his fingers slipped inside her. Nyota panted uncontrollably, a long loud moan rising up inside of her and spilling out of her mouth. His mouth was hot against her and when he did that thing he did with his fingers, she was lost.

Later she was lying on her back on the kitchen floor, cradling Spock between her legs. He was propped up on his arms, his palms flat against the carpet on either side of her head as he gently rocked his hips against her. Nyota's took short gasping breaths with every movement of him inside her and stroked her arms up and down his back, curling her fingers around his neck as he tilted his forehead against hers. "Do you love me?" he asked, his voice plaintive and his expression stricken. Nyota's mouth was dry and she licked her lips but before she could say anything he spoke again.

"I am not certain I understand it but I think I want you to."

She lay beneath him, gazing into his sad dark eyes and her breath hitched. "Sp...Spock," she uttered.

"Tell me you love me," he implored as he moved inside her. "Tell me."

She whimpered and twisted her face up against the tears that pricked her eyes. "I love you," she gasped after a minute. Spock blinked slowly, a curve of a smile playing on his lips and he groaned with pleasure.

"Say it again."

"I love you," she said. His body went taut like a bow string and he let out a shuddering, gasping cry that went deep inside her to a place she didn't even know existed.


	22. Chapter 22

They were lying pressed together in his bed and Nyota let out a huff of breath, screwing her face up and rolling away from him.

"Too hot," she mumbled, laying flat on her back with Spock's arm under her head. Spock rolled onto his side and gazed at her profile as she lay beside him. Nyota cracked open one eye and peeked at him. "Stop it," she told him gently.

"I am not doing anything," he protested.

"You have that look," she replied. Spock quirked a brow.

"I do not know of this look to which you constantly refer." She closed her eyes and smiled.

"Don't pretend you don't know what I'm talking about," she groused playfully. Spock's pursed his lips.

"I assure you I do not," he told her, trailing his hand across her stomach.

"Spo-ock," Nyota complained, rolling onto her side so that her back was to him. "I need food." Spock pushed up on his arm and pressed a kiss behind her ear, stroking his hand over hip and down her thigh.

"Then I will feed you." Nyota twisted her neck and smiled up at him.

"Good," she said. Spock held her gaze for a moment before shuffling off the bed and getting to his feet. He crossed the room to retrieve a pair of pants from the wardrobe, glancing surreptitiously at Nyota as he skirted the broken glass on the floor. She raised a brow at him which he returned as he stepped into his pants and skulked out of the room. Nyota sat up and wrapped her arms around her knees and said nothing when he returned a moment later with a cloth and a handvac and set about clearing up the mess.

When he left Nyota turned and looked out of the window at the fading daylight. With a sigh she slipped out of the bed and picked up Spock's sweater, pulling over her head as she walked out of the room. She found him in the kitchen setting water to boil.

"What?" she asked sweetly as his gaze fell on her choice of attire. "You don't object do you?"

Spock shook his head. " I do not object although I do not fully understand," he told her as she slipped up onto the table.

"I like your sweater," she replied with an innocent shrug, leaning over and inspecting the contents of his fruit bowl. "Ooh you have physalis! I love these!" she cooed, plucking one from the dish. Spock observed with some interest as she peeled back the papery skin and took a bite. Nyota smiled and bent her knee up, placing her foot flat against the table top and swinging her other leg as it hung over the side. Spock could not help but look at the exposed thatch of hair that appeared as she did so but Nyota did not notice and leaned over to take another piece of fruit.

Spock carried the tea to the table and sat on a chair beside her.

"What is it?" Nyota asked at his bemused expression, tearing open another physalis and taking a bite. Spock's eyes followed the trail of juice that ran down her wrist.

"I am merely observing your behaviour," he told her honestly. She smiled.

"And what have you observed?" Spock shook his head gently.

"It is quite illogical," he replied. Nyota chuckled.

"Sorry, am I being a barbaric Human touching my food like this?" she teased.

"You are...quite savage," he informed her, pushing the teacups aside and reaching for her. Nyota did not protest as he dragged her across the table top and into his lap.

"I beg your pardon," she uttered with phoney contrition, squirming in his lap and reaching back to dig another physalis out of the dish.

"You enjoy these," he stated.

"Hmm mmm," she answered. Spock's hand was on her hip while the other gently stroked her knee.

"Tell me what else you enjoy," he asked, observing her profile intently. Nyota twisted her feet around and around as she considered this.

"I enjoy Rigellian food," she told him. He nodded but remained silent and at the expectant look on his face, she continued. "I enjoy...dancing." She wrapped her arm around his shoulder.

"I enjoy the dialects of the Northern Wastes of Andoria."

"That seems an abstract thing to enjoy," Spock commented. Nyota chuffed in amusement.

"I'm a linguist, stuff like that gets me going alright?" Spock nodded and put both arms around her waist.

"Please continue."

"I enjoy Shakespeare. I enjoy...cooking eggs in the hot springs at Lake Naivasha," she said with a wistful sigh.

"This is your home province?" he asked gently. She nodded. "You are intending to return there during the break?"

"I considered it, yes," she told him. "I haven't seen my family for a while." Spock sucked his lower lip into his mouth. "What about you? Are you going back to Vulcan?"

"I am not at liberty to do so," he said.

"Of course, you're a Starfleet officer," she said with a smile.

"I am," he replied. She stroked her hand idly across the back of his neck and he leaned into her touch. "I do not wish for you to go away," he said eventually. She dropped her gaze and ran her hand across his chest.

"What am I supposed to do here all summer?" she queried gently. Spock stared at the floor through the gap between her leg and the table.

"Is my company disagreeable?" he said softly. Nyota looked him in the eye and chewed her lip.

"No, it is not..." she said slowly, noticing the tensing of the muscles in his shoulder.

"Why do you hesitate?" he asked in a strained voice. Nyota swallowed and shifted in his lap.

"What am I supposed to do with myself while you're out being a Starfleet Officer?" she said gently. "Just sit around here all day looking pretty?" Spock's lips turned up gently at the corners.

"And being happy," he replied.


	23. Chapter 23

Spock had spent the afternoon glancing at the chronometer on his computer and found his thoughts turning on more than one occasion to the subject of temporal mechanics. When the appointed hour finally arrived, Spock organised his desk and extinguished the lights in his office. He took the shuttle across town but this evening he did not head for home, staying on for two extra stops. When he emerged onto the street he made his way to a large building with a glittering glass façade that dominated the area.

Inside the hall he slipped into the bathroom and stood in front of the mirror, taking off his Starfleet jacket and changing into a form fitting black shirt that he had secreted in his bag for the occasion. Back in the hall he glanced around as he made his way through the crowd of people that had gathered and as he approached the stairs he saw Nyota waiting for him at the bottom. He hesitated for a moment to take in her appearance and when she saw him, she gave him a broad smile.

"Hi," she said as he approached.

"Greetings," he murmured, gazing into her eyes.

"How was your day?" she asked, turning and placing her hand on the banister.

"It was...long," Spock replied after a second.

"Come on," she gestured with a nod of her head and took a step up. Spock hesitated and gripped her gently by the elbow.

"You look pretty and I like your dress" he breathed. Nyota blushed and tugged him up the stairs by his arm.

As they took their seats Spock found himself unable to take his eyes off her. Nyota glanced at him sideways and although she pretended not to notice, he could see her smile. As the stage lights went up she let her little finger brush against his for a second before letting her hand come to rest in the gap between their seats. As the actors walked onto the stage Spock turned his head towards them and letting his hand slide down, curled his fingers discreetly into hers.

"Who's there?"

"Nay, answer me: stand and unfold yourself!"

"Long live the king!"

Later Nyota left Spock waiting in the lobby while she went to the bathroom. He stood with his hands tucked behind his back and was examining a painting on the wall when a familiar voice sounded from behind.

"Commander Spock," the voice said and he turned to look eyes with the smiling face of Christine Chapel.

"Good evening," Spock said in a neutral tone as she approached, drink in hand.

"Well this is a surprise," Chapel said, taking a sip of her drink and looking at Spock expectantly.

"How so?" Spock asked politely.

"Well I guess I didn't expect to see you in a place like this," she replied dryly. Spock quirked a brow. "How do you like Hamlet?"

Spock considered this for a moment. " I find it to be a troubling examination of the human psyche," Spock told her. Chapel repressed a smile. "The oedipal overtones are most disturbing as is the protagonist's ever increasing abstraction from reality."

"Very interesting Spock," she replied. "But did you enjoy it?" Spock tilted his head to the side and narrowed his eyes slightly.

"It was...compelling," he said eventually and Chapel chuckled.

"That it is," she said with a nod and sipped her drink. "So, are you here alone?"

Spock hesitated. "I am not," he replied and said no more but Chapel could not mistake the vague flutter of his lashes as he spoke. She nodded sagely.

"Well now, don't let me monopolize your company then," she said. "I'm sure whoever she is she won't appreciate me hanging around you like a bad smell."

"Your odor is not offensive," he replied, his brow furrowed.

At that moment Nyota appeared through the crowd and on meeting Chapel's surprised expression her eyes went wide.

"Miss Uhura," Christine said. "This is an unexpected pleasure," she crooned with a knowing smile, taking in her dress and glancing sideways at Spock."Well Commander Spock, you just keep unfolding like a flower don't you?"


	24. Chapter 24

"So you know Christine Chapel?" Nyota asked a little while later as they ambled out of the theatre, their hands not quite linked but brushing together as they went.

"I do," Spock answered. Nyota pressed her lips together and nodded, staring at the ground ahead. She glanced up surreptitiously but Spock's face was as blank as ever.

"Uh huh," she replied, raising her head and looking up and down the street at the sea of faces. "And how uh...well... do you know her?"

When Spock did not reply immediately she turned to find him regarding her with a cynical look.

"We are professionally acquainted," he said, narrowing his eyes at her slightly although she was pretending not to notice.

"I see," Nyota uttered, licking her lips as they came to a stop by a junction opposite the transit station, waiting for the signal to cross. "And how familiar is your acquaintance?" she asked after a minute.

"It is not particularly familiar," he said with a gruff voice as he turned to face her as they waited. Nyota seemed very interested in the traffic.

"But it was? Familiar?" she ventured, not meeting his stern gaze.

"This indirect style of questioning is unhelpful," he told her.

"I'm just making conversation," she blustered. Spock was not convinced.

They entered the transit station and made their way onto the platform.

"You are displeased," he commented as they waited.

"I'm sure it's none of my business," she replied, plastering a phoney smile across her face but Spock did not miss the clench of her jaw.

"You are aware that there have been others," he murmured in a low voice, aware of the lack of privacy in their current location.

"Really, Spock, you don't have to tell me about it, it's fine," she insisted. Spock regarded her carefully.

"It is clearly not 'fine'," he told her as the shuttle pulled up. Nyota ignored him and stepped ahead into the car.

She stood against a pole and crossed her arms over her chest, looking down the car at nothing in particular. Spock gripped the pole above her head and towered over her, not missing the way her eyes glanced up and down his chest.

"Your words are at odds with your behaviour," he said in Vulcan and she snapped her head up to glare at him, chewing the inside of her cheek for a second before she replied.

"So you want to have this conversation here?" she replied, also in Vulcan.

"I want for you to clarify the issue," Spock said, gripping on tighter and brushing against her as the shuttle lurched on.

Nyota huffed. "Are you not concerned that we have been seen in each other's presence?" she said, still in Vulcan.

"I do not believe that is the issue, Nyota-kam," Spock drawled with lazy eyes. She shifted from one foot to the other and uncrossed her arms to grip the pole as the car came to a halt and a crowd of people bustled on..

"I thought you wanted to be discreet," she uttered, shrugging her shoulder.

"We are in each other's presence at this moment in this busy car," Spock observed. "Does this concern you also?" Nyota didn't reply, just chewed her lip and stared down the shuttle. Spock was silent for a while as he considered the situation. "Is this jealousy?" he asked.

Nyota gasped and her face twisted with a sneering smile that morphed into a pout, turning her back to him and adjusting her grip on the pole. Spock tilted to the side and let his gaze linger on the her as the shuttle moved forward. They travelled in silence for a minute or two more and when the shuttle arrived at their stop, Spock stood unmoving so that Nyota had to brush close against him to get out.

She set a brisk pace out of the station towards home and Spock matched it easily which seemed to only irritate her more.

"I do not understand," he stated in standard as they approached his building.

"Why am I not surprised?" Nyota muttered walking through the door ahead of him and heading for the elevator.

"You are being intractable," Spock commented as they began their ascent.

"I apologize," Nyota replied insincerely.

"Did you not enjoy the evening?" he asked.

"I enjoyed it just fine," she said not looking at him. Spock furrowed his brow.

"Then why has your demeanour altered?" Nyota crossed her arms and stared at the display, counting up the floors.

"Will you just leave it alone? Please?" she told him.

"You are displeased," he stated. "You will tell me why." Nyota shook her head.

"You are so annoying," she told him and Spock quirked his brow at her.

"Nyota," he said with some exasperation.

"Christine Chapel?" she exclaimed, shaking her head.

"You are jealous." She heaved a breath, clenching her jaw and when the elevator stopped she left him standing in the car.

Spock paused for a moment and watched her pleasing figure disappear up the hall. He trotted up beside her and tried to catch hold of her hand but she pulled it away. Spock persisted, linking his fingers with hers and she tugged against him. He held tightly and she clenched her jaw, twisting her arm to try and get her hand free of his grip. In response Spock wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close against him, gratified by her indignation.

"Let go of me," she snapped as he backed her against the wall.

"Admit you are jealous and I will release you," Spock told her and when she turned her face towards him, her eyes narrowed at the expression on his face.

"You're pleased?" she uttered, shaking her head. "You are such a sadist!" The corners of his lips turned up and he leant forward to kiss her on the mouth. Nyota twisted her head away and so he nuzzled her cheek instead. She pressed her palms against his chest and gave him a shove and Spock staggered back a step before moving close once more. She shoved him again and he staggered again, clearly amused by what was happening. When he approached once more, he wrapped his arms around her waist and kissed her again. Nyota yielded for just a second before twisting her head away but he chased her with his lips and so she dug her nails into his shoulders in response. This seemed only to excite him more and she gasped as he hoisted her up against the wall and pressed his body intimately against hers.

"Kiss me," he commanded.

"In your dreams!"

"Vulcans do not dream," he reminded her.

"Ugh!" Nyota exclaimed in consternation. Spock kissed her again and this time she gave in, burying her fingers in his hair as his tongue slipped into her mouth.

"I am not familiar with Christine Chapel," he told her when they broke apart. Nyota wouldn't meet his eyes and stared at the floor sulking. Spock narrowed his eyes at her a little and she squealed as he stooped down, scooped her up into his arms and carried her through the front door.


	25. Chapter 25

Spock remained for a long time in the darkness of the early morning, sitting in the bed beside Nyota as she lay sprawled out amid the sheets. In the silence he could hear the gentle rasp of her breath, loud to his sensitive ears but comforting all the same. He ran his eyes across the long, slender leg that peeked out from under the cover, disappearing among the layers leaving him only with the tantalising outline of her hip beneath. Her hair fanned out across her back and the pillow beyond, her face obscured by her arm. Gently, he stroked away a dark strand that hung across her face and tucked it away, his finger drawing a lingering caress around the curve of her ear. He had risen early to meditate before the long day ahead but could not bring himself to move and the sun was seeping through the window by the time he eventually rose.

"You going?" Nyota murmured, sitting up and blinking at him. Spock hesitated in the doorway.

"I am," he replied and watched as she shifted in the bed, shuffling forward on her knees and holding her arms to him.

"Kiss," she demanded sleepily. Spock turned back to her and bent his head to kiss her gently on the mouth. She sighed with contentment. "Anything exciting happening today?" she croaked.

Spock brushed her hair out of her eyes and blinked at her lazily. "Nothing of importance," he replied gently.

The red button did not illuminate when he summoned the elevator and after a minute he surmised that is was malfunctioning. He stared at the sealed doors and blinked slowly before turning and making his way down the stairs instead. When he stepped outside the temperature seemed, in his estimation, to be around three hundred Kelvin and the humidity was most disagreeable. His ears told him the air pressure had changed and clouds swirled portentously in the sky above. He placed his bag across his shoulder and made his way to the transit station, standing like a pillar of stone on the platform as he let his mind wander to the scene he had just left behind.

The morning progressed in an unexceptional manner and Spock performed his duties efficiently. In the afternoon it transpired that during routine maintenance of the long range sensor array, half the subroutines had been corrupted and Spock was enlisted to assist with the reprogramming. Having spent several hours on his back under a console in the basement, Spock returned late to his office where, in addition to the long list of tasks he had been unable to complete during the afternoon, a slew of messages awaited his attention. Glancing at his chronometer, he huffed out loud breath before extinguishing the lights and abandoning his desk in disarray.

On his way out of his office, Spock stopped at the facilities, washing his hands thoroughly and staring at his reflection in the mirror. He smoothed his palms across his hair and ran a damp fingertip across his brows. He tugged the hem of his jacket and brushed his palms across his shoulders before reaching to adjust his cuffs. He ran his fingertip over the fading scratch marks on the back of his hand for a moment and tugged his cuffs down as far as he could before making his way out.

As Spock exited the shuttle he stood in the doorway of the station as the sky rumbled and a heavy rain began to pound the earth. He loitered for a minute but on checking his chronometer his nostrils flared and he jogged along the street through the rain.

The Vulcan Consulate was housed in a handsome building surrounded by an elegant garden studded with ornate rocks and water features. His person was unexceptional amid the myriad faces of slanted brows and pointed ears but for his sodden appearance. At the desk he received due courtesy and having handed his bag to the porter, was escorted to wait on a covered veranda in a secluded corner of the building.

As he waited the sound of the rain was loud on the roof above and his eye was drawn to a small, fat robin that hopped on matchstick legs along a ledge beside him. He observed it curiously as it cocked its head at him before hopping on its way. He watched as it struggled to fly up the wall, attempting to reach a small ledge above. It dropped heavily back down to the ground, chirping as the air was forced out of its tiny lungs by the impact before fluttering up again and disappearing into a hole above.

"Spock."

He turned as the stiff figure of his father emerged onto the veranda a few metres away.

"Father," he replied. They made no other gesture of greeting and stood in silence for a long minute, the sound of water from the downpour gurgling into a drain beside them.

"Your mother asks me to convey her best wishes for your well being," Sarek said, his voice utterly devoid of emotion.

"Please thank her and return my best wishes," Spock replied. Sarek was silent for a long time before he spoke again.

"It is a rare occasion that my duties bring me to Earth. I have grown unaccustomed to the humidity," he commented, turning to look out across the garden and noting the moss that clung to the stones. "It is conducive to the proliferation of abundant flora."

"It is," Spock replied.

"It is a world of much diversity," Sarek continued. "And many diversions." Spock remained quiet, the drip drip of water from the roof above seeming much louder in the silence. "I trust that you have not abandoned the Vulcan way."

"I have not," Spock answered and Sarek turned, looking long and hard at his son. Spock was aware of an itch under his cuff but repressed the urge to scratch it.

"You are your mother's son," Sarek said, stepping closer. "It is logical that you should acquaint yourself with the customs of Earth but there are obligations on Vulcan to which you have made a commitment."

Spock hesitated. "I have not forgotten," he replied.

Spock walked back towards the station but did not hurry despite the driving rain. He stood in the crammed shuttle, water dripping off his ears and a scowl on on his face. By the time he reached home he was soaked to the bone. He entered the lobby and approached the elevator, his finger hovering over the button for just a second before he turned towards the stairs. Dutifully he trudged all the way to the top, his shoes squeaking on the tiles as he went.

"Oh my god Spock! You're soaking!" Nyota exclaimed, rising from her spot on the couch. Spock remained silent and took in her attire as he mopped his brow with the back of his hand. He admired the legs that peeked out from under his sweater as she disappeared into the bedroom and began to peel his jacket from his shoulders. Nyota reappeared a moment later bearing a towel and he allowed her to drop it on his head. She rubbed his hair vigorously and when she pulled the towel away his hair was sticking up in all directions. She grinned and Spock let out a tired sigh. "Crappy day huh?" she asked, helping him peel off his damp t-shirt. As she dropped it on the table Spock wrapped his arms around her.

"Disagreeable until now," he said and then he kissed her.


	26. Chapter 26

Spock was under the impression that they were going out to eat but things did not seem to running according to schedule. Nyota stood in front of the bathroom mirror in her underwear attempting to mediate a diplomatic dispute between a brush and her hair. Spock was sitting on the bottom of the bed putting on socks. Shirtless he rose to his feet and approached the bathroom door. He met Nyota's eyes in the mirror and she huffed out a breath.

"I'm sorry, I'm almost ready I swear," she assured him, putting down her brush and turning towards the door.

"So you have previously claimed," he told her not attempting to hide his appraisal of her. She looked at him sternly and squeezed past him into the bedroom.

"You're not exactly dressed either," she said eyeing his chest. Spock raised a brow and remained silent as he turned into the bathroom and began to fill the sink. Nyota pulled on a pair of pants and stood to watch as he splashed water on his face, rubbing a towel across his skin and blinking several times at the cold. As he entered the bedroom he found her staring at him with an odd look.

"Is something troubling you?" he asked as she stared at his chest.

"Hmm?" she answered, shaking her head a little and raising her chin to meet his eyes. "Oh! No, no...just...sometimes I worry myself."

"Explain," he asked, setting down the towel and moving closer. Nyota smiled and hitched a shoulder.

"I don't know what's wrong with me," she explained. "I just...I can't stop looking at you." Spock narrowed his eyes at her slightly.

"And this concerns you for what reason?" he asked. Nyota grinned and dipped her head.

"It can't be healthy. I think the sex has messed up my head," she confessed. Spock nodded in understanding and stepped closer.

"Some kind of brain fever no doubt," he said sagely and she raised her head to give him a mock scowl. "Or perhaps a head trauma."

"No doubt," she drawled.

"Let me examine your cranium," he said, grabbing her and abruptly spinning her around.

"Spock!" she squealed as he ruffled his fingers through the hair she had spent so long attempting to coif neatly.

"There does not appear to be any outward sign of injury," he said matter of factly and she spun around and slapped him on the chest. Spock grabbed her arms, holding them away from him and Nyota screwed her face up as she wrestled against him. Spock peered down at her and raised one eyebrow.

"So illogical," he chided and she narrowed her eyes at him before leaning forward and sinking her teeth playfully into his chest.

"You!" she groused and then grunted, gritting her teeth and jerking hard against his grip in a futile effort to shove him back. She let out a startled gasp as he spun her around, wrapped her in a tight embrace and trapped her arms by her sides.

"Do not attempt to resist," he told her. "There is no escape."

"Oh fearsome Vulcan overlord," Nyota mocked as they stumbled towards the bed. "Have mercy on me."

"There will be no mercy," Spock drawled in her ear and she squealed as he hoisted her up into his arms and deposited her unceremoniously on the mattress. Nyota shrieked with laughter as Spock crawled across her and stuck his tongue in her belly button.

"I'm terrified," Nyota assured him, scrunching her nose up and wriggling beneath him. When he attempted to pin her wrists above her head, she bent her knees up and pressed them against his torso.

"This one has spirit," he observed. "Perhaps we will spare her and make her our concubine."

"Oh my god, seriously?" she gasped, descending into hysterics as he wrapped a strong arm about her legs and her hair fanned out across the sheets behind her as he dragged her down the bed towards him. Spock let out a little growl and placed a mock bite on her calf. He ran his hands down her legs and spread his palms out across the flat of her stomach, circling for a moment before moving his fingers to the fastening on her pants. Nyota dug her hands into the sheets and wriggled her hips as he tugged them down. "So much for dinner," she quipped. Spock narrowed his eyes at her.

"I would not recommend leaving this bed until we have established the nature of your malady," he informed her, pulling her pants over her feet and throwing them on the floor behind him.

"My malady?" she queried with a small sigh, parting her legs as he ran his palms down the inside of her thighs.

"The cause of your libidinousness," he mumbled against her skin. Nyota smacked him on the side of the head. Spock narrowed his eyes at her but she could not miss the twitch at the corners of his mouth.

"I think we know the cause already," she drawled, sticking her finger in his ear. Spock turned and nipped at her hand, kneeling between her legs as he hooked his fingers in the elastic of her underwear. Nyota stroked her hand through his hair and chewed her lip, her stomach twitching as pressed his lips to her hip bone. "Fuck!" she muttered, covering her eyes with her arm as he cupped her centre with one hand and divested her of her underwear with the other.

"In a word," he uttered idly, kneeling and peering down between her legs, his eyes following the path of his fingers as he traced the shape of her sex. Nyota screwed her face up, pouting up at him and her breath hitched with the pleasure of it.

"Sp...Spock," she stammered, trembling beneath his touch and reaching her hand up towards his face.

"So illogical," he murmured, kissing her palm and she whimpered.

"You make me this way," she gasped as he leaned down and pressed his lips to hers. She kissed him hungrily, scraping her nails across his scalp and down the back of his neck. Spock groaned in pleasure and breaking their kiss, rubbed his nose against hers for a second before proceeding to kiss his way down her throat.

"Yes," he mumbled as he left a trail of hot, open mouth kisses against her skin. Nyota whimpered and clutched at his shoulders in desperation.

"You make me crazy," she whined, her face screwing up with need.

"Tell me," he implored, tugging the fabric of her bra aside and taking her nipple between his lips. Nyota groaned and arched her back towards him.

"Sometimes I want you so much I think I might die," she confessed, hiccoughing as her breath caught in her throat. Spock moaned and buried his face in the valley of her breasts. "I think I must be mad," she cried, digging her fingers into his hair hard enough to hurt. Spock gasped and raised his head, staring at her with a deranged expression that sent a bolt of pleasure straight through her.

"Yes," he gasped, pressing into her touch. His eyes screwed up as though he were in pain and he inhaled a ragged, stuttering breath. "It is a madness," he moaned, his lips against her palm. Nyota leaned forward and held his face in a hard grip as she kissed him, taking his lower lip between her teeth. Spock growled and shoved her back onto the mattress so hard the air was forced out of her lungs. Nyota heaved a sharp breath and when he pushed her legs apart and buried his face between them, she cried out as though she were in agony.


	27. Chapter 27

Later when Nyota slipped out of the bed, Spock lay flat on his back staring at the ceiling for a long time before he rose and went after her. He found her in the kitchen in his sweater setting water to boil and picking at a protein bar.

"Hi," she said with a slight smile, tucking her hair behind her ear. Spock did not speak but his lips turned up slightly at the corners and he gazed at her with sleepy eyes. "I don't know what we'll find if we go out, it's quite late," she explained.

"Whatever you wish," he murmured.

"You okay? You have a your thoughtful face on," she told him and he blinked slowly but did not reply.

The water came to boil and as Nyota reached up to take two cups off the shelf above her head, the sleeves of the sweater slipped down her arms. His eyes fixed on the angry dark rings that circled her wrists and his jaw clenched.

"I have injured you," he said, stepping closer and taking her arm as she set the cups down.

"Oh," Nyota said with a bashful huff of breath, tugging her arm away from him but he persisted, pushing the sleeve of the sweater out of the way. "No, it's okay," she assured him. "It doesn't hurt."

Spock stared at the marks on her skin and she glanced up to see his brow furrowed. He met her eyes and fixed her with a dark stare for a second before stepping closer and tugging at the hem of the sweater she wore.

"Spock," she protested as he pulled it up over her head and she stepped back a little way, crossing her arms over her naked body. He moved closer and gently tugged her arms away and she dipped her head, her eyes darting from side to side under his appraisal. Spock saw the finger shaped marks at her hip and on her shoulder, the mouth shaped bruise on her collarbone and took in a sharp breath. "Can I have that back please?" Nyota asked reaching for the sweater and tugging it out of his hand. She pulled it over her head and turned back to make the tea.

"You conceal this from me," he stated, watching her profile and not missing the swipe of her tongue across her lip.

"No," she replied, the clang of the spoon on the cup sounding around the room.

"I wonder what else you keep from me," he told her and she let out a little cough and shrugged.

"I didn't think it was worth mentioning," Nyota replied and she gave him a timid smile before taking her tea and slipping past him. She disappeared into the next room to sit on the couch and when she peered up over the rim of her cup, she saw him standing in the doorway staring at her. "Spock, please, don't worry," she explained. "Anyway have you seen the state of your shoulders?"

He glanced down and noted the angry green scratches out of the corner of his eye. "It is not the same," he told her dourly.

"You think so huh?" Nyota replied, setting her cup down.

"I do," Spock answered, turning back to her. "I am Vulcan. I am capable of doing you more serious harm." Nyota rolled her eyes a little and smiled.

"Your concern is very touching but you don't need to worry about it," she said with some amusement. "So sometimes you can be a bit...enthusiastic."

"Will you call it enthusiasm when I break your arm?" he said and the smile faded from her face.

"Jesus, Spock," she muttered, dropping her gaze to the floor. She pressed the tip of her nose between her palms and rubbed it up and down for a second. "Is there something on your mind?" He looked at her with an odd expression, his eyes like bottomless black wells and she felt that strange longing swirl around in the pit of her stomach.

"I...have misled you," he breathed and she dropped her gaze, staring at the cup of tea on the table as her heart began to thump sickeningly in her chest.

"I see," she murmured, gripping her knees in her palms and not looking at him.

"You do not," he replied. Nyota swallowed around the lump that formed in her throat.

"Why don't you explain it to me then," she said slowly, her breath shallow. Spock stood with his mouth open as though he were about to speak but it was long time before he said anything.

"There are things we do not speak of," he said eventually and she raised her head to look at him as he spoke. "Things that are...not logical, that are shameful to us."

"Okay," she murmured, pursing her lips and crossing one knee over the other. She rubbed her palms across her thigh nervously and tucked her hair behind her ear.

"We do not love as Humans do." Nyota twisted her head around and cleared her throat with a little cough.

"You know, Spock," she began, glancing around the room at anything except him. "I don't know why you've suddenly decided now of all times to tell me you don't love me. You know, I was quite happy just going along having my little romance." Her voice wavered slightly and she felt tears prick her eyes.

"You misunderstand me," he said and she huffed a nervous laugh.

"Well make me understand then," she breathed. She gripped her legs tight and willed her knees to stop shaking.

"I saw my father today," Spock said, his voice distant and when she looked up at his face he was staring through the window behind her with a faraway look in his eyes. Nyota licked her lips and said nothing. "He does not approve of my life here." Nyota hitched one shoulder and cracked her spine.

"I see," she said flatly.

"No. You do not." His voice was hard.

"Will you stop speaking in riddles Spock, please," she uttered in exasperation. He took a deep breath.

"Being here, on this world, it...it is not like the life I had before. My father came to remind me that I had made a promise to live in the Vulcan way but when I left him today and I thought of you waiting here for me, I...I convinced myself that if he wished me to be as a Vulcan he would not have married my mother." Nyota looked up at him through her lashed to find him gazing at her with a tender expression.

"You think I don't want you to be a Vulcan?" she asked sadly. "You think I couldn't love you for what you are?"

"Why do you love me?" he breathed and she held her breath to suppress the sob that threatened to spill out of her.

"I don't know," she whispered. "I just do."

"You do not know what it means for us to love," he told her slowly. "It is...an ugly thing." She screwed her eyes up but a tear slipped down her cheek anyway.

"I'm sorry you find your feelings for me so distasteful," she said bitterly.

"What is distasteful to me," he choked, his breath catching. "Is to see those marks on your body. To know that I put them there because I could not control myself and to admit that part of me finds it pleasing."

Nyota pressed her lips together to hide the quivering of her jaw and rubbed her fingertip against her temple as his words sank in. "You're right," she said eventually. "I don't understand."

Spock moved cautiously to sit on the couch opposite her and she slowly raised her head to meet his eyes. "There is for us a time when logic and reason are lost and there is only..." His eyes fell closed and he stammered. "We do not speak of it, it is our shame," he choked.

"Why didn't you tell me any of this before?" Spock dropped his head in shame.

"Because...I touched your mind," he confessed. "And I saw that you were afraid." She stared at him, her eyes wide.

"I didn't know you could that," she murmured, her breath coming in shallow, rasping pants.

"I did not intend for it to happen," he explained. Nyota clenched her fists, trembling with a feeling she did not understand. "I could not...control myself." Her lip trembled and she sucked it into her mouth as she tried to take slow, deep breaths and calm herself down.

"Why?" she breathed, a tear rolling down her cheek as she looked at him, searching his face for answers. Spock tilted his head to one side and quirked a brow.

"Before you, the others were...convenience. Or curiosity," he told her calmly. "But you...you are the only one I have ever really wanted. I thought if I did not have you, I would die."

Nyota stared ahead, looking through him with an unfocussed gaze."I don't understand why you think that's such a bad thing," she said sadly, her eyes glistening and her voice hoarse. Spock stared at the floor and shook his head from side to side.

"I have become complacent," he murmured. "I have allowed myself to be guided by my emotions."

Nyota stared at him, the whites of her eyes stained red from her tears. "I haven't understood a single word you've said to me," she uttered with a slight sniff.

"It is not logical," he admitted as though that should be enough to make her understand. Cautiously he rose from his seat and moved to perch on the couch beside her. "Beautiful Nyota," he whispered, stroking his hand though her hair. She closed her eyes and swayed under his touch.

"I don't understand you," she told him sadly. "I didn't want to believe it but...it's times like this I realise, I really don't know you at all." Spock looked her in the eye, slowly trailing his fingers across her cheek.

"You wish to know me?" he asked very quietly and she dropped her gaze.

"I...I think now...after hearing you talk like that, that I'm afraid to," she replied. Her throat felt constricted and it was difficult to speak. She closed her eyes and shivered as he pulled her close.

"It has never been my intention to frighten you," he said, pressing his face into her hair. Nyota turned her face away from him.

"What do you want from me?" she asked, her voice plaintive. Spock tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and regarded her profile intently.

"I...want to...possess you...and I am ashamed of it," he said, dropping his eyes to the seat between them. She opened her mouth to reply but she couldn't get the words out, shaking her head and exhaling raggedly. When she shifted to rise off the couch he put his arm out to stop her. "Please," he said slowly. "You must understand me." He met her eyes and she felt like she could sink into them if she looked for long enough and when he raised his hand to stroke his fingers over her cheek she sighed and leaned into his touch.

"Oh Spock," she murmured. "My strange Vulcan."

"You think me strange?" he asked quietly, his voice strained. Nyota tilted her head and quirked her lips.

"Mysterious," she replied, the faintest of smiles ghosting on her lips. Spock held her eyes for a long moment.

"If you wish to know me," he said, splaying his fingers across her face and pressing gently against her cheekbone. "Then I will share my thoughts with you." Her heart was pounding as he pressed his fingertips harder against the bones in her face and she tensed, her breath coming in short sharp pants as he began to speak.

"My mind to your mind," he murmured, his eyes falling closed and she swallowed back her apprehension. As he spoke she began to feel like someone had stolen her breath and her head swam. She closed her eyes and clung onto him for dear life, panicking for just a second but then she felt it, felt him inside her head and she gasped in surprise.


	28. Chapter 28

It was the early hours of the morning and on the horizon the black night sky was turning an inky blue with the promise of the dawn. Lights dotted the cityscape and the occasional night transport could be seen ghosting across the sky, disappearing into the tall buildings that covered the horizon. Nyota's head was buzzing, the ambient noise of the city and the building seeming unnaturally loud to her ears despite the stillness of the hour.

"I haven't been myself lately," she murmured, standing by the window looking out across the city at the old bridge in the distance. She toyed with a strand of hair that hung across her shoulder and spoke with a quiet, whispering voice. "There were times I thought I was going out my mind but I suppose now I'm beginning to understand." She paused and dropped her eyes to a delivery vehicle that moved along the street far below, the vague whine of it's electric engine just audible despite the distance. She blinked.

"It's never been like this for me before," she confessed quietly and took a deep breath in before she continued. "When you touch me I...feel things I never felt with anybody else. It's...frightening and...wonderful and...compulsive." Her breath caught in her throat and she swallowed. "I wanted it so much but I was so afraid to let myself...feel because I didn't know, I didn't realise." She fell silent and chewed on her lip for a minute. "There were times when I hated you," she breathed. "I hated you because you made me feel that way and I was sure you couldn't feel it back. Then I hated myself because even though that was what I believed I kept coming back to you and...the things you'd do to me." She flushed, her breath hitching and when she closed her eyes she felt a warm hand on her shoulder. Raising her head she met his reflection in the window.

Spock moved close behind her and stroked his hands across her shoulders and down her arms, pressing his nose into the hair on the back of her head. "I'm confused," Nyota whispered. "I'm afraid."

"It is...both of those things," he murmured, pressing his cheek against her head.

"I feel like, I don't know where I end and you begin," she said, a tear rolling down her cheek.

"Nyota," he said in a gently voice, turning her in his arms and wrapping her in an embrace. She clung onto him for dear life and rubbed her cheek against his chest, her hands reaching up to cup his face. His eyes were closed as she stroked her hands through his hair and pressed an open mouth kiss against his skin. Spock tilted her head back and caught her lips in a kiss and she sighed. Nyota pulled away and reached for his hand.

"This," she said, taking two fingers and stroking slowly down the back of his hand. "I realise now what this is." Spock watched her through his lashes, his eyes slitted and lazy and his breath slow as she moved his fingers across the back of her own hand and then pressed their palms together.

"Yes," she gasped as he pressed his forehead to hers and they danced in slow steps away from the window until his legs bumped against the arm of the couch. "Yes, I want this," Nyota moaned, reaching up on tip toes to kiss him on the mouth as her hands began to circle his skin in long, slow strokes.

"Nyota," he mumbled against her lips and she whimpered as they tumbled back onto the couch, their limbs tangling as they kissed hungrily.

Her body thrummed with desire and she parted her legs, sliding down his bare chest and straddling his waist. "Yes, yes," she stammered against his cheek, putting her arms up as he tugged at the hem of her sweater. His hands clasped her breasts and she groaned, grinding her hips against him impatiently. Spock buried his face in her neck and panted wildly as she reached down and tugged at the fastening of his pants, sliding his hand down to stroke between her legs. Nyota's breath hitched and she jerked at the contact, clasping his face in her hands.

"Oh god," she sobbed, her face screwing up and she clutched at his ears and dug her nails into his hair."I don't know what I'm feeling," she cried. "It's like I can still feel you inside my head."

"Yes," Spock said emphatically, his hand wrapping around the back of her neck. "Two bodies," he breathed. "One mind."

Nyota shuddered and kissed him again as they sank down into the cushions.


	29. Chapter 29

Nyota woke in the bed, the early morning light filtering through the darkened window and making everything in the room vaguely blue. Another cloudy day beckoned outside but the warm body beside her was rather more compelling at that moment. Rolling over she laid her head on Spock's shoulder and draped her arm across his chest.

"You don't sleep?" she murmured, his eyes fixed on the ceiling above.

"I do not," he replied, his voice its normal neutral tone. She licked her lips, snuggling closer and his arm wrapped gently around her. They lay in silence for a long time before she spoke again.

"Something's bothering you," she observed, tapping her finger lightly on his stomach. His lashes fluttered but he did not reply. "I can...feel it."

His fingers stroked her hip and his eyes closed. "The sensation will pass," he told her quietly and she shifted slightly, taking his hand and playing with his fingers.

"I'm not sure I want it to," she confessed, bringing his hand to her lips and kissing his fingertips. When he did not reply she sat up and slid across his body, placing her palms flat on his chest. "Is it always like this for you?" she asked. Spock stroked his hand across her cheek and could sense her exhilaration.

"It does not repel you?" he said, following the path of his hand down her body with his eyes. She smiled and shook her head slowly.

"It does not," she answered.

"It will," he assured her gravely and she sighed.

"I've seen inside you," she told him knowingly. "I've seen this thing you're so afraid of and...I think it's...amazing." Spock looked her in the eye with a sad, wide eyed gaze. "I love you," she murmured and he reached up to hold her face in his hands.

"Yes, I want you to," he uttered.

"I love you," she repeated smiling and he pushed up and met her lips with his. Nyota held him tightly and nuzzled his cheek as he showered kisses across her face. Spock clung to her tightly and she closed her eyes, stroking her hand across the back of his head. "Why does it frighten you?" When she leaned back his expression was troubled.

"I..." he stammered. "I do not wish...this life for you," he breathed and her smile faded.

"You don't wish it?" she uttered, her lip quivering as she spoke.

"Do not promise things you do not understand," he breathed, his jaw clenched and his face contorted in a grimace.

"How can you say that to me?" she gasped, her face screwing up and tears threatening in her eyes.

"You are...Human," he sighed. "To really live you must be... happy."

"Then why did you show me these things if you were only going to take them away again?" she choked, shaking her head in confusion. Spock tipped his head to one side and regarded her with a sad expression.

"Is this what you want?" he queried. "Life on a world where emotion is frowned upon? Where it is bad taste to feel, or to love?" Nyota shook her head.

"We don't live in that world," she protested. "We don't have to have that life!"

"I cannot change what I am," he breathed and she held his face in her hands.

"I don't want you to," Nyota cried. "I've seen you... and I love you."

"You are too young to know what you are saying," he whispered, dropping his eyes and turning his head away.

"And you are so old and wise that you know better?" Nyota asked bitterly.

"Old enough to know that you do not understand what you promise," he said, his voice low and his expression grave. Nyota twisted out of his arms and sat on the bed beside him.

"I thought you wanted this," she murmured, staring at the wall with unfocussed eyes. "I thought you wanted me."

"I do," he exclaimed, pushing up on his knees and reaching for her.

"Then how can you be so cruel?" she said, grimacing as she tried to suppress the tears and failing. "Do you like to see me cry? "

"Because I have seen it, I have lived it," Spock told her severely, grabbing her by the shoulder and pulling her up on her knees so that they were face to face.

"You want me to be out of my mind don't you?" she accused, shoving against him. Spock swayed and she shoved him again. "It amuses you. I amuse you that's all. The needy, emotional Human!" He staggered back, setting one foot on the floor to balance himself before he reached for her again.

"My beautiful, emotional Human," he gasped, pulling her close and kissing her. Nyota sagged in his arms and kissed him back, reaching her hands up to curl them around his neck.

"I want to be," she groaned, screwing her eyes up and sinking into his embrace as he wrapped his arms around her. "Why won't you let me?"

"You are," he breathed, burying his face in her hair. "You strip all my logic from me."

"You want me to," she told him breathlessly, pulling back and cupping his face in her hands. When she kissed him he held her close and kissed her back hungrily. After a moment she pulled away and taking his hand, pressed a kiss against his palm. "You want it." She sucked his thumb into her mouth and he hissed, cradling the back of her head in his other hand.

"You are the only I ever wanted," he said, his brow furrowed as though he were angry. "I could not help myself." Nyota's eyes fell closed and she hummed in pleasure at his words. "I could not help it and now...now you will hate me. You will hate me."

Nyota went still and opened her eyes, slowly pulling her mouth away from his hand. When she met his eyes, a unpleasant sensation began to churn in her stomach and she furrowed her brow. She pressed her lips together to suppress the quivering and blinked at him slowly.

"Why?" she whispered after a minute, her breath coming in short, ragged pants. Spock dropped his gaze, his eyes darting around and he clenched his jaw. "Why will I hate you?" she demanded more emphatically and he took a slow breath as he stepped back a way.

"It is...the custom..." he began, not meeting her eyes. " On Vulcan..." Spock hesitated and Nyota felt her legs tremble. She sank down onto the bed and turned her face away from him, twisting the sheets in her fists as she waited for him to speak again. Spock took a deep breath and stepped cautiously towards her to sit down gently on the bed beside her.

"There is one there who...is bonded to me," he finally said, his voice barely a whisper. Nyota clenched her jaw and held her breath against the hitch of her chest. Slowly she exhaled, her heart thumping sickeningly inside her chest.

"On Vulcan," she murmured, staring at the corner of the wardrobe as thought it were the most fascinating thing she had ever seen. "Bon...huh..." she choked a little and fell silent, her eyes screwing tightly shut. "I see," she said finally in a distant voice.

"You do not," Spock told her and she smiled and look up at the ceiling.

"And what...do you call this one...bonded to you?" she interrupted, gasping around the lump in her throat. She turned her head towards him and his head tilted imperceptibly downward as he dropped his gaze.

"She...the word is... wife," he said. Nyota let out the tiniest huff of breath, a deranged sort of half smile spreading across her face. She smacked her lips and nodded, pressing her palms together and burying her nose between her fingers. Spock stared at her profile, watching and waiting.

"You do not understand..." he began. Nyota clasped her palm over her mouth to stifle the hitch of breath that escaped her. When he reached out his hand to touch her shoulder she arched her back away from him and darted straight ahead into the bathroom, locking the door behind her.

Inside, she gasped and staggered forward, bracing her palms on the wall above the toilet and retching. When the feeling subsided she inhaled a sharp breath and stuffing her fist in her mouth, slid down the wall. As she tucked her knees up close under her chin, she bit hard on her hand and held her breath, screwing her eyes up tight with the determination that no matter what, she must not let him hear her crying.


	30. Chapter 30

Nyota sat for a long time on the bathroom floor. Her jaw was aching and her head was buzzing and when she pulled herself up to look at her reflection in the mirror her eyes were red and puffy. She could sense him hovering outside the door and so resisting the urge to clear her nose for a second, she filled the sink with cold water and while the spray echoed around the room she sniffed hard. She took a deep breath and plunged her face into the sink, staying for as long as she could in the chilly water. She patted her face dry and straightened her spine, taking a few deep breaths and pinning her shoulders back. She was calm. She was not emotional. She was in control. She was logical.

She knew Spock would be waiting on the other side but it was still a surprise to see him standing right outside the door.

"Jesus," she muttered, starting a little. He looked at her with his big black eyes and said nothing. "You've been standing there the whole time?" she asked. Spock tilted his head to one side.

"It seemed the logical thing to do," he told her.

"Of course," Nyota replied with a nod. She took a step forward but he didn't make any move to get out of her way. "Excuse me," she said quietly and he seemed to lean close, his eyes scanning her face but aside from a slight flare of the nostrils she was giving nothing away. "Spock," she said firmly and he straightened up and stepped back a little way but not so far so as she didn't have to brush against him to get by. He turned as she passed and as she started to cross the floor he reached forward to catch her hand. Nyota spun around to face him and pulled her hand back out of reach, fixing him with a hard stare and to her surprise he did not try to grab her. She looked at him for a moment before slipping around the bed to the chest under the window.

"What are you doing?" he demanded as she pulled out a drawer and selected some underwear, moving to stand close beside her. She glanced up at him sideways and stepped away from him a little.

"I am dressing," she replied flatly turning back to the clothes in her hand.

"Why?" Spock asked and she huffed and stared straight ahead through the window.

"Do I need your permission to wear clothes now?" she snapped and then silent chastised herself for the outburst. Spock narrowed his eyes at her.

"I cannot allow you to leave," he told her. "You must allow me to speak." Nyota blinked and stared ahead, her jaw clenched.

"You cannot allow?" she breathed. "I just want to put some clothes on, alright," she said tiredly, her voice cracking ever so slightly. Spock's expression softened and he lifted his hand to tuck her hair behind her ear so that he could see her profile better. Nyota shrugged out his touch. "Please don't touch me," she whispered plaintively.

Spock opened his mouth to speak but then he said nothing, hovering instead close beside her. "Can you stand back. Please," Nyota said a trifle bitterly, looking him in the eye finally. Spock blinked slowly and dropped his gaze before stepping back a way.

Nyota slipped on her underwear and then sat on the edge of the bed to pull on some socks.

"You are angry," Spock commented and she snorted.

"Very observant. You got a certificate in that?" she said but Spock did not respond and sat down beside her on the bed instead.

"Anything you ask of me I shall do," he told her and she hesitated for a second to glance at him out of the corner of her eye before standing up and grabbing her pants.

"You can put some clothes on," she said, tugging them up her legs and looking at him. Slowly he rose and towered over her.

"For what reason?" he asked dourly and she rolled her eyes, turning away abruptly.

"Maybe I find your nudity just a little bit threatening," she suggested dryly, not looking at him. Spock stood unmoving.

"You have not expressed this sentiment on any other occasion," he commented and she slammed the drawer shut hard.

"In your brain, Spock," she said, her voice hard and stuttering. "Does this somehow not register as different from any other occasion?"

He stepped towards her and reached forward to stroke the back of his knuckle across her jaw. "I did not intend to deceive you," he breathed sadly. Nyota spun on her heel and batted his arm away hard.

"Will you just back off for five minutes? Please?" she cried, her voice cracking and tears welling in the corners of her eyes. Hurriedly Nyota pulled on a sweater and when she marched through the bedroom door, she was surprised that he did not try to stop her. She headed for a cabinet on the other side of the room and dug around inside for her pass, stuffing it into her pocket. As she straightened up, she plucked a band off the side and tied her hair in a ponytail, looking up to find him staring at her from the door way.

"I did not expect this response," he told her and she sucked her lower lip between her teeth.

"What did you expect?" she asked, calmly enough she thought, given the situation.

Spock pursed his lips and quirked a brow. "I..." he fell silent.

"You thought I would be more emotional?" she asked in an icy voice. "You thought I would be screaming and crying?" Spock considered this and narrowed his eyes at her.

"If you are attempting to convince me you are unaffected, I must inform you such a ruse will not be effective," he said a trifle condescendingly and she huffed a bitter laugh.

"What do you want? Hmm?" she asked acidly. "You want me to get angry? You want me to throw a few shoes? Break a few glasses? Huh?" Spock did not flinch at all, holding her gaze the entire time. "I think you'd enjoy that," Nyota accused.

"You are mistaken," he told her, crossing the floor towards her. Nyota immediately slipped around the back of the couch and headed towards the front door but Spock reached out and hooked her arm in his.

"Damn it, let me go!" she sneered, shoving against his chest but he held her firmly by the shoulders.

"It is the custom..." he began to explain.

"For god's sake..." Nyota cried, thumping his chest with the heel of her hand.

"...on Vulcan for children to be..." Spock continued, his voice growing louder as he spoke.

"...will you put on some damn pants?!" Nyota rolled her eyes at his state of undress.

"...bonded from the age of seven..." Spock's tone grew gradually more patronising and irritated.

"I will NOT have this conversation until you get dressed!" she cried, throwing her hands up in the air. Spock backed her up against the wall and screwed her eyes up tight. "No, no, no!"

"...so that when they are grown, they will have someone..." Spock pressed his palms to the wall on either side of her shoulders.

"Do you have any idea how ridiculous you look right now?" Nyota groaned, digging her nails into his shoulders in frustration. Spock raised his voice until he was almost but not quite shouting.

"...they will have someone should the time come..."

"Oh how practical!" she scoffed. "How very logical! I'm so eager to learn all about the marriage customs of the Vulcans but please..." Spock fell silent and let her finish. "Please will you put some clothes on?" His nostrils flared and he looked at her intently for a minute. Nyota sighed and leant her forehead against his chest.

"Please," she asked plaintively. "Please." Spock's hands came up to gently clasp the sides of her head.

"You must allow me to speak," he said gently. "Nyota." He lifted her head and pressed his forehead to hers and she whimpered a little.

"Please Spock," she murmured, letting him nuzzle her nose with his.

"You will not leave?" he asked softly. She took a few shallow breaths and sighed.

"Alright, alright," she said defeated, letting him press his lips to hers for a second. He held his mouth against hers for a moment and looked her right in the eye.

"I will return," he told her, stepping back and slowly relinquishing his hold on her. Nyota remained pressed against the wall and glanced up at him through her lashes, holding his gaze for a second before he turned and disappeared into the bedroom.

When he was out of the room she silently slipped towards the door and shoved her feet into her boots, stooping to quickly fasten them. Straightening up she grabbed her jacket, slapped her palm on the panel by the door and scurried out of the door.

The corridor was empty but for herself and the light above her head flickered as Nyota jabbed angrily at the button to call the elevator. The small red light on the console remained dark and she tapped her finger against several times in quick succession before letting out an irritated huff.

"God damn it," she cursed smacking her palm against the panel.

"The elevator is currently malfunctioning," a voice intoned behind her. Nyota turned to see Spock standing a few feet behind her, his face impassive.

"Perhaps you ought to report it to maintenance," she sneered, refusing to meet his eye. Steeling herself with a deep breath she began to walk in long, determined strides towards the door to his left that led to the stairs.

"I have already done so," Spock commented as she neared but Nyota did not acknowledge him. Reaching out with her hand, she pushed the door open intent on stepping through. As she did so Spock gripped her arm firmly.

"Excuse me," she snapped, attempting to pull her arm away but Spock's grip did not falter.

"Nyota..." he began, turning towards her but she was having none of it.

"Let me go!" she cried angrily, pulling against him but it was futile, he was too strong. "Stop it!"

She struggled against him as he drew her firmly against his body, his other hand wrapping around her body to clasp the back of her head.

"Nyota," he gasped, leaning his forehead close to hers but she squirmed and turned her face away.

"Damn it, Spock! Let me go!" Nyota cried thumping at his chest ineffectually, blinking back tears.

Spock closed his eyes and pressed his nose into her hair. "I cannot," he breathed, pressing her to him in a tight embrace. Nyota buried her face into his chest and sobbed.

"For god's sake! Alright!" she cried. "Is this what you want? You want me to cry?" She raised her head and glared at him accusingly, tears streaming down her face.

"It is not," he breathed.

"You bastard, I hate you! I hate you! Get your hands off me!" she spat, shoving hard against him. Spock's arms went slack and he staggered back a way, letting her rain down blows on his chest.

"You must listen..." he implored but she shook her head emphatically.

"No I don't want to hear it!" she cried. "Let me go!"

"Let me make you understand," Spock holding her tightly and backing her against the wall.

"You can be such a bully, you know that?" she accused, twisting in his arms and shoving.

"It is not logical, is it?" he commented, his eyes falling closed as he pulled her close against his chest. He slid his hand up her neck, cupping the back of her head and when his hand slid across her cheek she batted it away hard.

"What do you think is going to happen here? You think you're going to make me understand?" He fell silent and looked at her with sad eyes. "Damn it, I let you inside my head!" she growled. "Do you have any idea what that's like for me?"

"I know," he breathed, his jaw quivering.

"No you don't!" she replied, her voice catching on a sob.

"You are..." he stammered.

"No. God. Do you have any idea how I feel? Do you?" Nyota snarled. "You just...god, what am I? Just something to amuse you until you go back to your wife?"

"NO!" he growled emphatically. "You will listen to me!"

"What do you think you are going to say? Tell me that you don't love her? As if you could love anybody." Spock clenched his teeth against the emotion that welled up inside him and when she shoved against him, he staggered back.

"She is...of no consequence..." he choked and Nyota let out a cynical huff of laughter.

"You tell her that to her face do you? God you bastard!"

"Nyota..."

"You pursued me!" she snapped. Spock stalked towards her as she took a step back towards the door. "You pursued me and you made me love you when you knew, you knew." She screwed her face up and shook her head. "Did you think you could have us both? Is that it?"

"That is not it," he uttered through clenched teeth.

"You thought you could be a respectable Vulcan and have your stupid little Human at the same time? Do you know how that makes me feel? Do you?" He met her eyes and the hatred in them froze him dead in his tracks. "It makes me feel like a whore."

Spock flinched as though she had struck him and for a moment he looked like he might cry but Nyota didn't wait around to see it happen, taking advantage of his distraction to turn on her heel and escape down the stairs.


	31. Chapter 31

The sky was blue but a breeze blew in off the bay and Nyota zipped up her thin fleece against it, stuffing her hands into the pockets as she approached. She had dawdled for a while in the transit station, trying to put it off and it was no surprise that Spock was already waiting for her when she arrived.

"Is that my stuff?" she asked, nodding at the bag on the bench beside him. Spock stared at her intently but she would not meet his eyes.

"It is," he murmured and she coughed.

"Thanks for bringing it to me," she replied quietly and he quirked his lips.

"Do not thank me," he told her. "My motives are purely selfish." Nyota glanced up at his face to find him gazing at her with sad eyes as he gripped the handle of the bag tightly in his hand.

"Why does that not surprise me," she quipped sourly, shaking her head and looking out across the park.

"What choice do you give me?" he asked quietly. "If you will not speak to me..."

"I didn't come here to talk, Spock," she sighed, her nose twitching as she inhaled a tired sigh. "I don't have a lot of time, so if I could just take it," she said, shifting her hands in her pockets and dropping her gaze.

"You are going somewhere," he observed and she nodded.

"Yes. I'm going home," she replied, glancing up at the tree behind the bench to see the leaves already turning yellow. "My leave is almost done and I don't want to waste any more time." When she glanced at him his expression was hurt.

"I do not consider it time wasted," he told her sadly and she quirked her lips, her jaw quivering ever so slightly.

"I don't...care how you consider it," she said, worrying the inside of her lip as her eyes darted from side to side.

"You are dishonest," he murmured and she huffed a bitter laugh. "And unjust."

"How do you figure that?" she asked icily, looking him in the eye. He held her gaze and she felt her heart thump inside her chest at the intensity of it.

"You told me you loved me," he explained and she blinked, the corner of her eye twitching slightly. "Did you lie?"

Nyota hesitated for a moment, shaking the hair out of her eyes and avoiding his gaze.

"You saw inside my head. You already know the answer to that."

"Yet you do not allow me to explain," Spock pressed.

"What is there to explain?" she breathed in exasperation. "I think we said everything that need to be said already." Spock shook his head.

"I disagree," he said quietly and she coughed and shifted from foot to foot.

"Look, I really don't have the time," she said bluntly.

"Are you really so willing to think the worst of me?" he asked, a hint of astonishment in his tone.

"What do you expect me to think Spock?" she cried. "You lied to me!"

"I would have answered honestly anything you cared to ask about my life before you," he explained. "But you did not ask." Nyota clenched her jaw and shook her head.

"Don't you put this on me," she uttered, her voice wavering. "I'm not the one who is married."

"Does it mean nothing to you that I do not know her? That I have not seen her for twenty years?" he asked, stepping closer. Nyota's face twisted as she tried to suppress the emotions that welled up inside as his words sank in.

"What does it matter anyway? As I recall you were in the process of rejecting me," she gasped, a tear pricking her eye.

"That is untrue," he murmured, raising his hand to the side of her face but she pushed his arm away.

"Don't," she uttered, stepping back away from him.

"Nyota," he breathed but she shook her head and looked away.

"I didn't come here for this," she said firmly, taking a deep breath in. "I just want to get my stuff and get going."

"I merely wished for you to understand..."

"You keep saying that but it doesn't mean anything, Spock," she cried, turning to him angrily. "What is there to understand?"

"Nyota," he implored stepping closer.

"No, no!" she exclaimed. "Just don't! I'm going home and ten days from now my leave will be over and..." Spock straightened his spine and looked over the top of her head at some unknown point in the distance.

"You will resume your training," he said with an air of finality.

"It will be good for us both to have some time," she explained. "Things couldn't stay the way they were."

"This situation is unacceptable," he murmured and her shoulders slouched a little in defeat.

"You'll get over it," she said, stepping around him and clasping the bag in her hand.

"You are mistaken," Spock replied as she turned away from him. She hesitated and chewed on her lip for a second.

"I don't think so," she said eventually, taking a few steps along the path away from him.

"I am familiar with the concept of patience," he said as she walked away. "You will come to understand."

"I understand this," she told him, stopping and turning back to face him. "I don't want to be familiar with you any more." When Spock met her eyes, she felt like he could see right inside her soul and her heart pounded. She tightened her grip on the bag and walked briskly away.


	32. Chapter 32

Nyota was unpacking her things when her room mate breezed into the room, her skin two shades greener and dragging an enormous case behind her.

"Hey!" Gaila beamed excitedly. "So you're back!" Nyota smiled as Gaila enfolded her in a warm embrace.

"Yeah I got in about an hour ago. Good break?" Nyota asked, dropping a shirt back into her case.

"Yeah it was fun," Gaila replied with a grin. "I hear you had an interesting summer." Nyota bristled slightly.

"You did huh," Nyota replied, turning around and dropping her brush onto the small table beside her bed.

"Oh come on," Gaila teased. "You can tell me!" Nyota tilted her head to the side and gave an ignorant shrug.

"There's really nothing to tell. I went home and...now I'm back," she said, sitting down and rifling through a small bag on the floor. Gaila eyed her sceptically and heaved her case onto her bed.

"Sure you did," she said smugly. Nyota peered up at her through her lashes and did not reply. "Oh my god I knew it!" Gaila cried, sitting down on the bed next to her. Nyota exhaled a ragged breath and sat up, sorting through a stack of PADDs in her arms.

"Gaila," she sighed.

"Come on! I want to know everything," Gaila implored, pouting her lips like a petulant child.

"What is there to tell?" Nyota said, managing a smile and projecting an air of phoney ignorance. "I...went to the lakes, I saw my family, I read that book everybody's reading," she told her.

"That's not what I mean and you know it," Gaila chided, trying to look stern but failing.

"What about you? Did you go home?" Nyota asked, leaning forward and tapping the screen of her comm to quell the irritating flashing light that accompanied a new message. Gaila tilted her head to one side.

"I went to South America," she said. "It would take to long to go home and besides,my family don't really approve of me being here so what would be the point subjecting myself to all those hysterics?" she babbled. Nyota looked at her earnestly, nodding and Gaila narrowed her eyes. "Nice try," she uttered.

Nyota stood up and walked around her to drag her case onto the floor. "Do you know what time this induction crap is happening?" she asked innocently and Gaila huffed a breath.

"Tomorrow morning," she complained. "Ug, all those speeches about duty and responsibility blah blah blah. Why do we even have to go?" Nyota smiled.

"To scare the crap out of the newbies of course," she said, stacking clothes onto the bottom of the bed. Gaila smiled.

"You okay?" she asked sweetly. Nyota smiled and nodded.

"Yeah, why wouldn't I be?" she replied, showing her teeth. Gaila tilted her head to one side.

"Your juju is off, I can smell it," she told her thoughtfully.

"Is that an Orion term?" Nyota asked, turning to stack some clothes into the wardrobe behind her.

"You know what I mean," Gaila replied, placing her palm flat on the bed and leaning against it. Nyota didn't reply and focussed intently on hanging skirts in the cupboard instead. "Oh my god, something happened." Nyota rolled her eyes at the back of the wardrobe as though it might be sympathetic.

"Gaila," Nyota chided.

"Something happened with you and The Ears, oh my god!" Her eyes went wide and she positively beamed with delight.

"I don't who you've been talking to but whoever it was, they were having you on," Nyota told her sagely, turning around and shrugging. Gaila rose to her feet and came closer.

"I know you like him," she said playfully. Nyota huffed and shook out the skirt in her hand.

"That's not quite the word I'd use," she quipped. Gaila regarded her intently and her expression grew a little more serious.

"Didn't it go well?" she asked sympathetically.

"It didn't go at all," Nyota assured her, turning to hang the skirt. Gaila looked at her profile for a second and bit her lip.

"Well, it's probably for the best anyway," she said a tone just this side of condescension. She looped her arm into Nyota's and together they turned back to the beds. "It would be a bit awkward wouldn't it?" Nyota hesitated and looked at Gaila through the corner of her eye. "I mean, didn't you apply to be his teaching assistant?"

Nyota swallowed and made a face, shrugging her shoulders as she started to fiddle idly with some clothes in a heap on the bed.

"You don't want a Vulcan anyway, a cold fish like that," Gaila told her knowingly. "Someone like you needs passion. Maybe a nice Orion boy."

"Yeah," Nyota said, huffing out a breath of laughter and meeting Gaila's cheery face, giving her friend a broad smile in an effort to quell the unpleasant churning that had taken up residence in her gut.


	33. Chapter 33

The PADD rattled against the desk a little more forcefully than Nyota had intended and she swallowed hard, standing up straight and attempting to project an air of indifference. Spock stared at it before glancing up at her through his lashes.

"What is this?" he asked in a monotone voice, placing his palms flat on the table. Nyota shifted a little and licked her lips.

"I can't take this position," she informed him, looking him right in the eye. Spock held her gaze without blinking.

"May I ask why?" he queried in that same flat tone. Nyota scowled.

"It's all detailed in the letter," she told him, quirking a brow. "If you'd care to read it."

"I would not," he answered and she huffed a little breath through her nose, crossing her arms over her chest. They stood in silence for a minute before he reached forward to pick the PADD off the desk and it was with some satisfaction that Nyota observed the slight flare of his nostrils.

"This is unacceptable," Spock said a minute later, placing the PADD back down and leaning back in his chair.

"It's my decision," Nyota told him, attempting to quell the flicker of irritation that sprang up within her.

"And a very poor one it is too," Spock replied tersely. Nyota shook her head.

"It's none of your business ," Nyota said, glancing up at the ceiling and avoiding his raised brow.

"On the contrary, it is very much my business" Spock told her gravely. "I will now be required to dedicate considerable resources to identifying a suitable replacement." Nyota rolled her eyes.

"Hardly. As if there aren't at least a dozen other candidates who would love to take this position," she scoffed and Spock narrowed his eyes a little before rising to his feet.

"I find your attitude to be somewhat insubordinate, Cadet," he told her smoothly. "You will remember that I am your superior." Nyota clenched her jaw and glared back at him.

"My apologies," she said. "Sir." Spock raised his chin and looked down his nose at her. Nyota suppressed the urge to take the PADD and smack him with it.

He moved around the desk and stepped towards the door, tapping the panel on the wall. While his back was turned Nyota let her eyes fall closed and took a deep breath as it slid shut, blocking out the chatter from the corridor outside. Spock turned around and clasped his hands behind his back, his eyes glancing from side to side across the floor.

"I am...disappointed," he told her a moment later and she slouched a little, holding the edge of his desk in a light grip.

"Isn't that an emotional response?" Nyota said with a sigh.

"Curious, when you yourself are here to reject a perfectly logical proposal on the basis of your own flawed judgement," Spock replied, raising his brows and shaking his head.

Nyota chewed her lip and marvelled at his continuing ability to confound her. "You must love this," she said, turning and looking him in the eye. "Is this your way of getting me back or maybe just getting back at me?"

Spock blinked and looked away. "I did not force you to submit an application," he told her smugly.

"No," Nyota admitted. "But you approved it." Spock tilted his head to one side.

"It was the decision of an academic board," he countered.

"On which you sit," she said with irritation. "Honestly you are so transparent." Spock expression darkened and she could sense his anger simmering below the surface.

"If you are under the impression that you were selected for this role because of some personal attachment on my part, I must disavow you of that belief at once," he said in a stern voice. "You are here on the basis of your academic performance alone and any insinuations to the contrary will not be tolerated."

Nyota quailed slightly and dropped her chin to her chest. "How can you be so naïve?" she asked with exasperation.

"You do not need to address me as if I were a child," he chided, walking around to stand behind his desk once more. Nyota blinked and shook her head.

"People are already talking about us," she told him quietly. "You know they'll say you only gave me this position because we're sleeping together."

Spock seemed unimpressed. "And you believe people would not say the same if it were not true?"

"It isn't true," Nyota reminded him and he turned to her with one raised brow. She sighed.

"Which is exactly my point," he answered. "Cadet, you must not allow yourself to be so governed by your emotions. This is an opportunity for you to distinguish yourself," he continued, picking up the PADD from the desk and handing it back to her. "You have a promising career ahead of you. Do not allow yourself to succumb to the petty gossiping of your peers."

Nyota took the PADD grudgingly, not meeting his eyes. "It just...feels...," she confessed quietly. Spock regarded her thoughtfully.

"If you sincerely believe that you are undeserving of this position then of course, you must decline," he said flatly. She hesitated and stared at the shiny surface of the desk between them. When she did not reply Spock straightened up and moved to stand by the window.

"You will be required to commit twenty hours per week, at least ten of which will be in the classroom," he said, back to that old monotone. "The rest will be dedicated to lesson planning, marking and administration. You will be required to submit a weekly report and meet with me at least once a week for supervision, perhaps more depending on your aptitude." Nyota raised her head and took a deep breath, turning to look at where he stood silhouetted by the window.

"And you are perfectly certain that there is no ethical conflict here?" she asked quietly. Spock turned to face her.

"I am," he said blankly, his expression utter devoid of any trace of emotion. She pressed her lips together and held the PADD tight against her chest like a shield. "Do you have any questions?"

"No, sir," she replied with barely concealed contempt. Spock stared at her, looking for all the world like he was made of stone.

"You are dismissed," he said, turning away to seat himself behind his desk once more. Nyota turned on her heel and walked towards the door and although she did not look back she could feel his eyes on her as she went.


	34. Chapter 34

Nyota was sitting at a table in the graduate lounge of the linguistics faculty staring at the chronometer on the far wall while Spock subjected her to his particular brand of supervision.

"There are four errors in this translation," he stated, dumping a PADD on the table before her. "This submission contains several sections which are indicative of plagiarism, I suggest you re-assess." He dumped another PADD on top of the first. "I am concerned about the low pass rate in your Non Terran Morphology seminar." Another PADD joined the others. "This lesson plan is substandard and lacks points key to the topic." Yet another PADD was unceremoniously added to the pile.

Nyota pressed her lips together and cleared her throat.

"Anything else?" she asked, raising her chin to meet Spock's stern visage as he loomed over the table.

"I have not yet received your weekly report," he added bluntly. Nyota nodded and reached across the table to slide the stack of PADDs towards her.

"My apologies," she said half heartedly, glancing through the window at the dark evening outside.

"Your apologies are meaningless," he replied. "What is required is focus." She met his eyes and felt her heart thump in her chest as she sat under his dark stare.

"Yes sir," she said meekly, dropping her eyes and sorting through the PADDs in her hand. Spock stood on the other side of the table for a minute watching and she glanced up, taking a shallow breath before she spoke. "Will there be anything else, sir?"

Spock hesitated and his eyes flicked up and down her hunched form. "No," he answered dourly before turning around and walking out of the room.

She stared at the PADDs for a minute, the muted sound of laughter coming through the window as a group of first year cadets went by. No doubt on their way out, she mused, sliding her chair back and reaching for her bag. She packed away her things and rose from the desk, tucking the chair underneath before turning towards the door.

"You are leaving?" Spock queried from behind his desk as she passed his office. She hesitated in the empty hallway.

"Yes," she replied, hanging her bag across her shoulder and sliding it around her back. "Some people need more than three hours sleep a night."

Spock blinked and dropped his gaze to the floor. "I did not suggest otherwise," he told her, putting down his stylus and sitting back in his chair.

She held his gaze for a minute and felt that familiar longing start to ache inside her as she looked into his sorrowful dark eyes. She dropped her gaze to the floor. "Well goodnight then," she said, starting down the hall and not waiting to hear his response.

As she walked through the foyer she tucked her earphones in and wrapped a scarf around her neck, walking briskly towards her quarters through the chilly autumn evening. She could vaguely make out the sound of her boots on the stone below and turned her music up louder. She did not want to hear anything, she did not want to think, she just wanted to lock herself away and hide under the bedsheets until morning.

She was aware of an odd sensation in the back of her mind as she trotted down the steps to cross under the covered walkway that lead from the library to the residence building but when she paused at the bottom to glance around there was no one about.

When Nyota reached home, she slipped in the door and trotted up the stairs to the second floor and made her way to her room. She was grateful to find it blissfully empty, sinking down on her bed and dumping her bag on the floor. She slouched forward to take off her boots and sat staring at the window ahead for a long time before eventually flopping back against the mattress and covering her eyes with her arm. She lay like that for a long time unmoving, feeling so tired she could not even be bothered to get undressed so after a while she rolled onto her side, dragging the covers with her and smacked the panel to extinguish the lights.

Outside, the shaft of light that fell from her window onto the path below went dark and Spock stood for a long time against a pillar, looking up at the front of the building before he turned to make his way across the grass towards the library. He followed the sloping path past the ornamental pond and followed it until he came out into the city, walking through the open air market towards home. He hesitated in front of a restaurant that they had frequented together and considered when he had last eaten. He decided that it would be logical to find some sustenance and took a seat but when his food came he stared at it in the dish for a long time before paying the bill and leaving it untouched.

When he entered his quarters a little while later he went through his usual ritual of readying his things for the next morning before getting ready for bed. He stood bare chested in front of the mirror while he cleaned his teeth for the required three minutes before turning back into the bedroom. He lay back across the sheets and tucked one arm behind his head, the other resting across his stomach. He stared at the ceiling for a while before eventually closing his eyes and taking long deep breaths. He stayed like that for a long time but sleep would not come.

Nyota lay in the darkness, her eyes fixed on the whitewashed wall beside her bed. She shifted, tugging the blanket up over her body and attempting to snuggle into the pillow but it seemed to make no difference. After a while she rolled over and glancing at the chronometer beside the bed, let out an exasperated huff of breath. She felt coiled up like a spring, her eyes were on stalks but even though she was utterly exhausted sleep was once again proving elusive.

She rolled onto her front and pressed her face into the pillow, and tucking her hand between her legs began to run through a golconda of scenarios in her mind. If she could just relax a little bit she could get some sleep but invariably her thoughts took her to a place and a person she didn't want to be thinking about. She cursed herself for it for a second before giving in. She closed her eyes and let her mind wander, feeling the familiar tingle begin to seep through her limbs, the thrum of arousal coiling in her belly but her own fingers proved a poor substitute for the real thing and she gasped a despondent sobbing breath into the pillow before rising abruptly from the bed and stalking into the bathroom.

In the silence of his apartment, Spock stooped to light the candle on the table and stared at it for a while. He rubbed the heels of his hands hard into the sockets of his eyes and ran his fingers through his hair, lightly scratching his scalp as he let out a long breath. After a while he sat down and assumed the meditation pose, gazing at the flame before letting his eyes fall closed.

After a while a sound disturbed him and he turned his head to see Nyota loitering half dressed in the bedroom door, her hair dishevelled and her eyes sleepy. She gave him a timid smile.

"Sorry," she murmured. "I'll get out your way."

"You are not in my way," he told her gently and she huffed a bashful breath, dropping her eyes to the floor.

"I should probably make a move," she told him, stepping forward and pulling her sweater off the back of the couch. As she pulled it over her head, Spock rose and gently clasped her elbow.

"You always seem eager to leave," he said softly as her head emerged through the neckline and she smiled shyly as she straightened it over her body. "Your presence is not disruptive to me, if that is what you believe."

"I know you want to meditate," Nyota replied and Spock shook his head gently.

"Perhaps it would please me for you to remain until morning," he suggested gently and she closed her eyes, trying not to smile and failing as he lifted her chin with his finger to look her in the eye.

"Are you asking me to stay the whole night?" she asked and Spock tilted his head to one side.

"I do not require any more rest," he told her. "It would be illogical for you to travel across the city at this hour when there are perfectly adequate sleeping facilities here." She chuffed a little breath of laughter and leaned her head against his chest.

Nyota allowed him to lead her back into the bedroom and stood compliant like a sleepy child as he divested her of her clothing. When he pulled back the sheet she obediently snuggled into the bed and he pulled the covers up over her before lying down behind her.

"Sleep," he implored gently and she sighed as he tucked her hair behind her ear and stroked down the side of her neck before placing a tiny kiss on her jaw.

A quiet clink could be heard from inside the light fixture as it buzzed into life and Nyota blinked rapidly as her eyes adjusted to the brightness. The electric charge of the light hummed in the background as she stared at her reflection in the mirror. Her eyes were red rimmed and the whites were looking an unhealthy shade of yellow, she observed as she gripped the side of the basin and leaned closer. Her face looked drawn and ashen, her skin was dry and tinged ever so slightly gray across her cheekbones. Nyota blinked and set the water running, splashing her face with cold water a few times before sniffing hard and turning to set the shower on.

She dumped her crumpled uniform on the floor and chastised herself for ever thinking she could get a decent night's sleep still in the previous day's outfit. She knotted her hair into a high bun on her head and when steam began to fill the cramped bathroom, she stepped into the cubicle. She sighed and let the water run across her shoulders. She reached forward and turned it up hotter, wincing a little as the hot spray pounded her tired muscles. After a minute, she lathered some emollient in her hands and slowly began to rub her hands in slow circles over her skin, moving slowly up her arms and across her shoulders.

Nyota sighed a languid breath and arched her back ever so slightly as Spock stroked down her arms. She shifted a little to lie flat on her back and cracked open one eye, peering up at him through her lashes. He blinked at her sleepily and pressed his lips against her temple.

"Spock," she croaked sleepily.

"Hush," he murmured and she sighed again as his hands slipped under the bedsheets to slowly stroke across her body. She hummed gently as he softly cupped her breast and massaged it in his palm, tugging ever so lightly on her nipple before sliding across to repeat the same action on the other. She gasped a little and he pressed little kisses across her cheekbone as his hand moved lower until eventually his palm brushed over the small thatch of hair between her legs.

She groaned and spread her legs open a little way to let his hand cup her gently. Spock shifted on the bed, pressing his lips to hers and she opened her mouth to willingly receive his kiss as his fingers slipped into her. She reached up and clutched at his bicep, her nails scratching gently against his skin as her other hand came up to stroke the back of his neck. As his hand moved against her, she scraped her nails over his scalp and gasped into his mouth.

"Spuh...Spock..." she babbled as her climax grew closer, letting out a long moan and holding onto him tightly as she came. She twitched with little aftershocks of pleasure as his caress slowed and went limp against the mattress. Slowly, tenderly, Spock removed his hand and kissed her for a long time before adjusting the covers over her body and snuggling up close behind her.

Nyota gasped and turned her face into the spray, slouching forward slightly as her release wracked her tired body. As she hunched forward the water began to soak her hair and but she was too dozy to be able to care about it at that moment. After a while she blinked and stood upright, turning off the shower and standing for a while dripping wet in the cubicle. When she began to feel cold, she grabbed her towel and began to dry herself off. She stood for a minute in front of the mirror and flicked at her hair, giving a slight sigh before dropping the towel on the floor and turning off the lights. In the darkness of the bedroom she dug around in the wardrobe and pulled out a large, oversize sweater and absently pulled it over her head before climbing back into the bed. Her eyes fell closed the second her head hit the pillow and as her breathing grew slower, she was vaguely aware that it smelled of him.

Across the city Spock leaned forward and extinguished the candle with a short, sharp puff of breath, folding his legs up and leaning his elbows on his knees as he turned his head to the window to watch the dawn creep across the sky with sad eyes.


	35. Chapter 35

A gust of wind funnelled between the buildings as Nyota jogged across the quad, hoisting the leaves up into the air to spin them around and around like a dervish. She hung onto her scarf and moved quickly, trotting up the stairs and into the Linguistics, grateful to be out of the chilly breeze. She smiled at a familiar face as she made her way along the corridor towards one of the seminar rooms. She took the followed the main concourse into the building, passing the occasional straggler still loitering around the department at the end of the day and made her way up the stairs, relieved to find the room still open. When was inside she crossed to the far side, reaching down the back of the seat between the desk and the screen on the wall. She dug her fingers between the cushions and let out a huff of victory to find her pass wedged down the back. She held it in her hand and turned out of the room.

She was not sure what compelled her to take a different route out of the building and as she made her way out she slipped down the narrow corridor where the teacher's offices were located. It had been a couple of days since she'd seen him and as she neared Spock's door she slowed down and cautiously peeked around the open door. The lights were on but the office was empty and she felt a twinge of disappointment that he wasn't there to trade evil looks with her. Twitching her nose she tucked her hands in her pocket and made her way along the end of the corridor to the small foyer by the secretary's office. As she neared the back stairs she heard the quiet murmurings of voices from one of the classrooms and felt an irresistible compulsion to peer inside.

She approached quietly and saw Spock standing with his back to the door talking in low tones to a female student who was gazing up at him with a pathetic, mooning expression. Nyota's brow immediately furrowed into a scowl and she took a deep breath before flouncing back to the stairs and stamping down them with unfathomable irritation. When she was outside she stuffed her hands angrily into her pockets and stomped back across the windy quad towards home.

"There you are!" Gaila greeted a little testily when she entered, prancing towards the door in her underwear. "Come on get ready! We've made a reservation!"

Nyota emptied her pockets onto the side in their small kitchen and shrugged out of her jacket. "Yeah I'm sorry alright," she said snappishly and Gaila made a face.

"Okay," she said, raising her hands and turning back into the bedroom, the long ringlets of her hair bouncing as she went.

Nyota kicked off her boots and followed her into the bedroom, stripping off her uniform and chucking it on her bed as she made her way into the bathroom.

"Drink this!" Gaila commanded, shoving a glass under her nose and Nyota obediently took it from her and sank it in one.

"Oh my god!" she groaned, gurning uncontrollably as it burned its way down to her stomach. "What is that?"

Orion grinned. "It's green!" she told her with a chuckle. "We are going to have so much fun!" she promised and Nyota had a sense of foreboding about what exactly that meant.

Hours later and Nyota had to admit she was having fun. At least she would have admitted it if she had been able to string a coherent sentence together. She was standing in a small dimly lit room, slurring along at the top of her voice into a microphone to the Orion karaoke that played on the viewscreen. Behind her Gaila was on one of the couches locked in a clinch with a guy Nyota had never seen before while his friend nursed a drink and watched her with a lascivious stare. The rest of their party were seated on the opposite couch, screeching at each other in loud voices over the din of Nyota's drunken caterwauling.

Nyota took a deep breath in so she could really belt out the chorus but as she did so her head swam and she staggered back a way, knocking into the table and sending a couple of drinks tumbling over the half eaten remains of their Orion buffet.

"Woah!" Gaila said, shoving the guy in her arms against the cushion and catching hold of Nyota as she slouched heavily against the couch.

"Sorreeee," Nyota cooed, chuckling as she sagged to one side.

"Geeze you are wasted," Gaila observed, pulling her upright. Nyota smiled.

"I'm havina gray time Gail," she slurred. Gaila couldn't help but chuckle as Nyota pressed her face into her neck.

"I'm glad," her friend replied, letting out a little oof of breath as her gentleman companion tugged her back into his embrace and started kissing her again. Nyota stared ahead at the others on the opposite couch and screwed up her eyes as she tried to make out what they were talking about. One of the girls, Odile was standing up and scrolling through the menu on the screen but trying to focus made her head hurt so she turned her head to the guy sitting next to her.

"Hi," he said, looking her right in the eye. Nyota curled her lip in a kind of half hearted smile.

"Hey," she managed to croak, turning her attention back to the others.

"What's your name again?" he asked and Nyota coughed and suppressed a hitch in the back of her throat.

"What's yours?" she deflected disinterestedly. He smiled and she leaned her head back a little way.

"As," he told her. Nyota furrowed her brow.

"As. As in?" she queried. He smiled a toothy leering smile at her.

"Just As," he replied.

"Huh," Nyota chuffed, not really caring anyway.

"You're gorgeous," he told her leaning a little closer. She swallowed against the unpleasant taste that rose up in the back of her throat.

"Thanks," she muttered, turning her attention back to the others as Hikaru wrestled the microphone out of Odile's hands and started singing in a conspicuously bad voice. As put his hand on her knee and she shifted, reaching down to gently remove it.

"Thanks but no thanks," she said, squinting as she looked at him out of the corner of her eye but As didn't seem particularly put off.

"You want go upstairs to the bar?" he asked. "They have a dance floor," he explained at the sceptical look she gave him.

"No, really I'm just fine right here," she said, moving his hand off her leg again with a little more force.

"You sure?" he pressed. His tone was friendly enough but when he tapped her leg again she wriggled away from him, jabbing him in the ribs with her bony elbows. "Ah geeze," he complained as the wind was knocked out of him. Nyota rose unsteadily to her feet, intent on crossing to sit with the others but as she did so she staggered and knocked into the table again. The legs scraped loudly across the floor and the dishes rattled.

"Woah, steady on," As said, rising to catch her shoulders to stop her falling face first onto the table. Nyota turned and shoved him hard on the chest, knocking him back across the sofa and stumbling sideways herself. As he fell, his elbow caught the edge of the table and sent a bottle tumbling to the floor where it smashed to pieces.

"Hey, watch it," Hikaru said, heroically catching Nyota as she toppled over.

"I was only trying to help," As complained angrily, standing up and brushing himself down.

"I don't need your help thanks," Nyota scoffed, curling her lip in his general direction.

"Stuck up bitch," As spat and she turned towards him, hurling loud curses at him in Orion.

"Okay, okay," Gaila said, rising to her feet and catching Nyota by the shoulders. "I think it's time to go home," she said, wrapping her arm around Nyota's waist and ushering her towards the door. A dark green face appeared on the other side and when the door opened a stream of angry Orion obscenities was launched in their direction. "I'm sorry, we're leaving now," Gaila explained. "Some of us just ate a little too much. You know how these Terrans can't handle their spice," she joked as they shuffled out into the corridor.

When the cold night air hit her, Nyota swayed and hunched forward. Gaila held her and brushed her hair out of her face.

"You okay?" she asked and Nyota smacked her lips.

"I think...I think I'm going to puke," she confessed. Gaila's mystery man took her by one arm and Gaila held the other and together they staggered along the street towards the transit. Nyota would not be able to recall later making it down the stairs but she had a strong memory of throwing up in a corner of the empty platform while Gaila stroked her hair away from her damp brow.

"There, it's okay. You're going to be fine," Gaila said soothingly as they helped her onto the shuttle.

"I'm sorry, I'm such a fuck up," Nyota babbled, tears pouring down her cheeks. She slouched in her seat and leaned her head against Gaila's shoulder.

"Oh honey, you just had a few too many that's all," Gaila assured her sympathetically.

"I'm so pathetic," Nyota mumbled, swaying as the shuttle sped through the tunnels towards home.

The journey home from the station was a bit of a blur. When they got in Gaila sat her on the end of her bed and made her drink a big glass of water, stooping down to take off her boots for her. Nyota emptied the glass, as much of it going down her front as down her throat and was vaguely aware of murmuring voices as a male hand relieved her of it. A moment later she fell backwards across her bed and then there was no thinking and no feeling just blissful nothingness.


	36. Chapter 36

There were not many people in the small cafeteria at three in the afternoon and Spock stood for a long time undisturbed as he perused the limited selection of food items that sat on the shelf in the chiller. To one side, an unhappy cadet was clearing away trays from the tables, half heartedly wiping them down and stacking them dutifully onto a trolley. The wheels squeaked as he rolled it across the floor and through a door into a sideroom.

Spock picked up a tub and turned it over in his hands to inspect the contents, his appetite abandoning him despite the dull fatigue that seeped through him. Lingering for a second longer, he looked at the small squares that were packed into the container in his hand. He sat at a table and pushed the foodcubes around the tub with a fork, wrinkling his nose imperceptibly at the greasy film they left behind on the plastic before spearing one and raising it to his lips.

"Not the blue ones," Nyota murmured against his shoulder and dutifully Spock flicked the blue cubes off the plate back into their container. She was sitting in the nude on the edge of the counter in his kitchen, one leg slung over his hip and her head leaning against his arm. Spock stood equally naked, half in and half out of her embrace squashing the foodcubes onto a cracker with a blunt knife.

"You do not care for them?" he asked quietly and she sniffed and rubbed her cheek absently against his bicep.

"They taste like garbage," she explained.

"You do not enjoy the taste of garbage?" he queried, his lips quirking slightly. Nyota propped her chin on his shoulder and narrowed her eyes at him.

"We're about to eat foodcubes on crackers," she told him cynically. "I think garbage might be preferable."

"I am afraid there is little else by way of sustenance," he replied and she hummed.

"We really need to get out of this apartment," Nyota said with a small sigh. Spock slid the plate towards her before gently extricating himself from her embrace to put the excess blue foodcubes back into storage.

"It seems unavoidable at this point," he commented, looking over the bleak shelves for a second before turning back to her. Nyota hummed around the cracker she was nibbling and watched through lazy eyes as Spock picked one up with his fingers and began to eat.

"We have descended into savagery, Spock," she teased and he raised a questioning brow at her. "Look at us. Scavenging through the back of the cupboards and then proceeding to eat whatever we've scrounged together with our bare hands." Spock chewed thoughtfully and considered her words.

"The logical response to a biological need, lack of utensils notwithstanding" he replied, taking another bite. Nyota chuckled.

"Far be it for me to argue with the logic of biology," she said playfully, leaning back and stuffing the last of her cracker into her mouth. Spock swallowed and moved closer.

"Without logic we are slaves to biology," he told her sagely and she nodded.

"I am glad you see the logic of this situation," she said with a smile. Spock tilted his head to one side.

"Explain," he said, slipping back between her thighs and wrapping his arms around her. Nyota licked her lips and blinked at him sleepily.

"Well, you know," she said with a little shrug. "I'm glad it is logical for you to...erm...respond to my biology." Spock ran his hands down her arms and twined his fingers into hers, swinging her arms in and out gently.

"I am content to be a slave to your biology," he told her smugly and she dropped her forehead against his chest with a chuckle.

"Well if you are going to be my slave, you are going to have to start doing better than foodcubes and crackers," Nyota told him, squinting at him a little. Spock nodded.

"They are proving to be inadequate for sustaining biological functions," he observed.

"I'm so flattered to be considered a biological function," Nyota quipped and Spock took a deep breath.

"You are not a function," he clarified, hoisting her up into his arms. Nyota smiled and clung to him as he turned around and started to walk out of the kitchen. "You are an imperative," Spock finished as they moved towards the bedroom and even though it was quite illogical, Nyota laughed anyway.

Spock swallowed with some difficulty, regarding the contents of the tub in his hand with some distaste before rising from his seat and dumping the uneaten foodcubes into the garbage.


	37. Chapter 37

Spock made his way long the corridor, his eyes staring blankly ahead and his expression utterly neutral. He did not stop to speak to any of the students he passed, hesitating only for a moment to glance through a window at the seminar going on beyond. Nyota was in front of a small group, perched on the edge of a table with her legs swinging back and forth as she gesticulated with her one hand, a PADD clasped in the other. Through the glass his sensitive ears could hear the muted sound of aspirated Vulcan consonants as she spoke. Her eyes flicked towards the door and her hands stilled for barely a moment as she met his gaze before she looked away and continued her lesson. Spock tucked his hands behind his back and meandered down the hall to wait by a tall window at the end, gazing out at the dreary sky of the early evening.

After a while the sound of voices sounded down the hall behind him and he turned to watch as the students filed out of Nyota's class. Through the hubbub of chatter his sensitive ears filtered out the sound of her voice as she spoke in low tones to one of her students. She glanced out of the corner of her eye to see him standing at the end of the hall and when her student bid her a polite farewell, he approached her cautiously.

"Alright?" she murmured, hovering in the doorway of the classroom.

"Perfectly," Spock replied. She swallowed and shifted the bundle in her arms.

"Glad to hear it," she said quietly, looking at the floor and starting down the hall.

"If I might have a moment of your time," Spock called, taking a few steps after her. Nyota hesitated and turned to meet his eyes.

"What can I do for you?" she asked, licking her lips and looking past him with an unfocussed gaze.

"If you please, we may speak in my office," Spock told her. Nyota straightened her spine and held the bundle of materials in her arms across her chest like a shield.

"I'm very busy this afternoon," she replied and Spock's eyes narrowed ever so slightly.

"Must I make it an order?" he asked with the slightest hint of irritation. Nyota's brows went up and her lips pouted a little.

"Very well," she muttered, starting down the corridor towards his office, her arm brushing his fleetingly as she passed.

He followed her into the office and hovered inside the door for a moment, reaching up to swipe his hand across the door panel. Nyota gave him a dark look through the corner of her eye as it slid shut behind him.

"I have reviewed the assessments from your Morphology seminar," he began, walking around the desk and plucking a PADD from the surface. Nyota turned and placed the contents of her arms on an empty chair as he handed it to her across the table.

"Oh," she said, taking it from him and flicking it on.

"There has been substantial improvement," he said with a nod of his head. Nyota pressed her lips together.

"Good," she answered, glancing down at the comments on the screen in her hand.

"You have just been with your intermediate Vulcan group, yes?" he continued, ambling towards the window to stand with his hands behind his back.

"Yes," Nyota told him, flicking off the PADD and sliding her bag around her shoulders.

"I trust you are satisfied with the progress of your students?" Nyota tucked the PADD into the bag and dropped her gaze to the pile of teaching materials on the chair beside her.

"Is my performance inadequate?" she queried despondently, reaching down and starting to slowly pack the various items into her bag.

"I have never doubted your competency in Vulcan," he told her, his eyes following the movements of her hands.

"Is that your way of saying I'm doing a good job?" she asked with mild irritation. Spock's expression darkened.

"I am satisfied with your work," he replied and she sighed.

"High praise indeed," she muttered, zipping her bag closed. Spock's nostrils flared.

"The recent improvement in your performance has not gone unnoticed," he stated. Nyota stared at the shelf behind his desk and nodded mutely. "I must wonder though, at what personal cost."

She turned her head to scowl at him. "What does that mean?" she demanded. Spock let his eyes flick up and down her body.

"I am concerned for your well being," he answered, clicking one of his knuckles behind his back. Nyota was unimpressed.

"I'm not sure that's any of your business," she replied neutrally, peering at him through slitted eyes.

"I disagree," Spock told her, stepping a little closer. "As your supervisor I have a pastoral responsibility to consider."

"Oh, of course," Nyota breathed, dropping her head back and staring at the ceiling. She gripped the strap of her bag for moral support as Spock stared intently at her profile.

"You have lost weight," he stated and she turned to glare at him.

"Comments about my personal appearance are unwelcome and inappropriate," she growled but Spock was unmoved.

"Need I remind you of the importance of proper nutrition?" he said with moderate condescension and she narrowed her eyes at him.

"Are you my doctor now?" she snapped and he quirked a lazy brow and turned back towards his desk.

"If you are experiencing issues with your health, a visit to your physician might be advisable," he quipped. Nyota shook her head.

"My health is just fine, thank you," she assured him icily. Spock met her eyes.

"Your attitude is counterproductive and illogical," he told her.

"Illogical? Excuse me?" Nyota huffed, dropping her hands to her sides and stepping towards the desk. Spock tilted his head to one side a little.

"I am aware that you must contend with a heavy workload and a busy schedule," he explained. "There are however more suitable methods for dealing with stress."

"Suitable methods?" Nyota scoffed.

"Self medication with alcohol and Orion spice is not one of them," he told her with a sigh of consternation.

"With all due respect, sir, but what I choose to do in my free time is none of your business," Nyota uttered severely, fixing him with a stern gaze.

"When it affects your ability to carry out your duties, it is very much my business," Spock countered and she let out a cynical huff of laughter.

"Just a minute ago you were telling me my performance was adequate and now apparently I can't carry out my duties! Make up your mind Spock!" His brow furrowed and he let out a loud of huff of breath through his nose, his nostrils flaring as his jaw clenched.

"Why must you persist with this provocative attitude?" he hissed, his eyes fierce. Nyota looked at the ceiling and shook her head.

"It's not my problem or my fault if you can't control your emotions," she uttered, adjusting her bag over her shoulder and turning towards the door. Spock darted around the desk and blocked her path. "Excuse me."

"Why must you be so intractable?" he demanded. "I wished merely to convey concern and you behave as if I insult you with the mere suggestion of it."

"My personal life is none of your business," Nyota retorted angrily.

"I disagree," he told her moving closer and Nyota took a step backwards as he came near.

"If you are under the impression that you somehow figure into my lifestyle choices, you're sadly mistaken," Nyota told him through gritted teeth.

"As are you, if you believe they have escaped my attention," he informed her darkly.

"I don't want your attention," Nyota replied acidly. Spock's nostrils flared and ran his gaze up and down her body for a minute.

"I had not considered until now quite how deceitful you really are," he observed moving to stand very close and peering down his nose at her.

"Get out of my way," she demanded, squaring her shoulders and meeting his eyes without flinching.

"And if I do not? Perhaps you will call security?" he mocked and her heart began to pump erratically in her chest at the look in his eyes.

"Spock," she uttered, her thighs bumping into the ledge behind her as he slowly backed her toward the window. "I think you need to a get a hold of yourself."

"Do not pretend you are not gratified by this," Spock drawled and her eyes went wide. She swallowed and took a deep breath before stepping forward to barge past him towards the door. Spock reached out his hand to clasp her bag where is hung across her back and she staggered. He spun her around to face him and enraged, Nyota brought her hand up and slapped her palm hard across his face. Spock gasped and his eyes went wide for a second before he pulled her close and kissed her.

Nyota squealed with indignation and squirmed in his tight embrace, lifting her heel and stamping hard on his foot. His grip slackened for just a second but it was enough and she skittered across the room towards the door. Slamming her hand on the panel she darted out into the corridor before it had even opened fully, her breath coming in short gasping pants as she marched down the empty hallway. She could hear Spock's footsteps on the floor behind her and she increased her pace.

Spock followed, catching up with her in a few long strides and clasping her arm.

"Get the hell away from me," she growled, spinning to face him.

"I apologize," he uttered breathlessly and when she tugged her hand out of his grip he did not try to stop her. "Nyota, please..."

"You can keep your apologies," she spat. "But I swear to god, you try anything like that again and I will report you, you bastard. Don't think that I won't!"

"Nyota," Spock uttered, his expression stricken. Her breath hitched and she bit her lip, taking a few unsteady steps backwards before turning on her heel and escaping down the hall.


	38. Chapter 38

The lobby of the linguistics building was crowded and the lack of air was oppressive. Nyota made her way towards the doors, clutching the strap of her bag tightly and taking deep breaths. She was shaking with suppressed anger, a fierce scowl painted across her face as she squeezed past the bodies and out of the door. She staggered down the steps, propelled more by the force of gravity than anything and as she followed the path across the quad her legs felt like jelly. Her head was spinning and she blinked rapidly, trying to swallow but her throat felt constricted. She came to a stop under an archway and leaned back against the wall, a disturbing sense of unreality taking over her as she cast her eyes over the people passing to and fro the buildings around them.

"Miss Uhura," a voice chirped and Nyota turned to meet the smiling face of Christine Chapel standing a few meters away. "It's been a while. How are you?" Nyota blinked and stared at her for a minute with unfocussed eyes. Christine's smile faded a little. "Are you okay?"

"Huh...I..." Nyota breathed. "I'm..." Before she could finish she swayed a little, hunching forward and taking a gasping ragged breath. Christine stepped closer and caught her arm.

"Goodness, I think...come on you better sit down," she said, guiding Nyota to a stone bench close by.

"I'm fine, thank you," Nyota choked as they sat down.

"Are you sure?" Christine asked with concern. "You seem to be having some kind of...episode."

"I ah...I'm just a bit tired," Nyota explained breathlessly.

"Hmmm, it's a stressful time of year," Christine said in a sympathetic tone.

"Yeah," Nyota said, forcing a smile she did not feel. Christine looked her up and down with a gentle look in her eyes.

"You need to take it easy," she said softly. "There's no point running yourself ragged now."

"I'm okay, thanks," Nyota said with as much sincerity as she could manage. "I just need to sit down for a minute."

"If you don't mind me saying but you look like you could do with more than a sit down," Christine said cautiously. "Have you been to the medical center?"

Nyota shook her head. "No, no, really I'm...fine...I just..." she stammered, hiccoughing as she struggled for breath. "I'm...just..." she choked. Her face screwed up and she hunched forward, clasping her palm to her chest.

"I think you're having a panic attack," Christine told her anxiously. "It's okay, just try to relax." She squatted down in front of her and took hold of Nyota's hands, squeezing them gently.

"I don't feel so good," Nyota confessed with some difficulty. Christine smiled a pained smile.

"No, you don't look so good either," she told her gently.

A little while later and Nyota was sitting on the edge of a bed in the Medical Centre, her hands clasped gently in her lap and her legs swinging back and forth.

"Right then Miss Uhura, Nyota C," a cheerful voice intoned and Nyota raised her head to be greeted by the gentle smile of the doctor. She gave him a small smile and shifted slightly on the bed. "I'm Dr McCoy," he said, stepping closer. "Now what seems to be the problem?"

She swallowed and stared at the wall behind him. "I...ah...I'm not sure," she stammered and he nodded.

"Hmmm," he uttered. "Nurse Chapel tells me she found you having some kind of attack."

"Yeah," Nyota breathed. "I felt...dizzy, like I couldn't breathe." He nodded.

"Hmmm mmm, has this happened before?" he asked, tapping a stylus against the PADD in his hand. She gulped.

"Yes," she whispered, hanging her head. Dr McCoy regarded her thoughtfully for a moment.

"How's your diet?" he enquired softly. Nyota shrugged.

"It's...alright."

"Well you're underweight, I can tell just by looking at you," he told her in a firm but gentle voice. "How about your sleeping habits?" She blinked and met his eyes.

"Not so great," she admitted. "I...haven't really been sleeping very well lately." He nodded.

"I expect you're under a lot of stress at the moment," McCoy told her sagely. "Commissions coming up in a month or two." Nyota forced a smile. "You hoping for a posting on a Starship?"

"Yeah," she replied, sitting up a little straighter.

"Well you're not doing yourself any favors running yourself into the ground." She looked away bashfully. "Alright, well just lean back on the bed and we'll take a look at you," he said a moment later. Nyota complied, leaning her head back on the pillow behind and staring up at the ceiling as he flicked on the scanner.

"Hmmm," he murmured as he glanced at the readings. "Well your heart rate and blood pressure are okay, if anything they're a little on the low side but nothing too unusual." Nyota licked her lips and strained her eyes in a futile effort to see the monitor on the wall above. "There's no indication of any viral or bacterial infection," he continued, his brow furrowing slightly. "Your brain activity is..." He hesitated and met her eyes. "Now you know everything you tell me is confidential but I have to ask, have you been abusing any substances?"

Nyota quailed at the inference. "No!" she said vehemently and McCoy's brows went up a little way. "I have a drink sometimes and maybe on occasion a little Orion food," she explained and he tilted his head to one side. "But only the legal stuff and not for weeks!"

"Hmm, alright," he said, turning back to the monitor. "Well there's nothing in your bloodstream but I had to ask. These readings are...off the chart. I can't explain it." He hesitated. "Nurse Chapel," he called and Christine appeared in the doorway a few moments later.

"Yes doctor?" she asked, giving Nyota a small smile.

"Who's the other attending physician today?" he asked, turning to face her.

"Dr Mbenga, I believe," she replied and he nodded.

"Could you ask him to come in please, if he's available."

"Of course," she said before disappearing once more.

"Is something wrong?" Nyota asked with concern and McCoy smiled again.

"Oh I'm sure it's nothing, I just want to get a second opinion," he assured her. "So, what's your specialty?" he asked, changing the subject. Nyota licked her lips.

"Xenolinguistics," she told him.

"Aah, comms huh?" he said pleasantly. "Well your brain seems to be broadcasting on all frequencies at the moment," he added playfully and she chuffed a breath of amusement in spite of herself.

"Dr McCoy," a voice intoned from behind. "How can I help?"

"Aah Dr Mbenga," he replied. "If you would be so kind as to cast your eye over the monitor," he continued, gesturing at the screen above. Dr Mbenga stepped closer and gave Nyota a smile.

"Okay, heart and blood pressure are fine," he observed. "But that brain scan, that's...unusual." Nyota glanced nervously between the two men looming over her and gripped the hem of her skirt.

"What's going on?" she asked nervously. Dr Mbenga's brow furrowed and he let out a little huff of breath.

"Well your brain activity," he said eventually. "It's...not right for a Human. It's almost like..." he hesitated. Nyota stared at the ceiling and felt a funny feeling take up residence in her stomach.

"Like a Vulcan," she whispered after a minute as a light went on in the back of her head.

"Well, it's funny you should say that," Mbenga said. "I conducted my residency on Vulcan."

Nyota glared at him and after a second, pushed up on her elbows. "Thank you doctor," she said abruptly.

"Well hold on just a minute there," McCoy said, gently clasping her by the arm.

"It's alright doctor, I'm feeling much better now," Nyota drawled, swinging her legs over the side of the bed.

"Dr McCoy," Dr Mbenga said. "Would you be so kind as to give us a moment?" McCoy scowled but on meeting Dr Mbenga's wide eyed look he relented.

"Well alright but I don't like it," he groused, handing over the PADD and stalking towards the door. Nyota watched his back disappear into the corridor outside and avoided Dr Mbenga's eyes.

"Now Miss Uhura," he said softly. "I don't want to make you feel uncomfortable but I have to ask." She shifted and coughed a little. "Have you been...engaging in any...unusual... practices lately?"

She closed her eyes. "Define unusual," she muttered tiredly. His brow furrowed.

"With a Vulcan perhaps?" he pressed gently. Nyota slouched in defeat.

"It all makes sense now," she murmured and Dr Mbenga gave her a tight smile.

"This is the first time I've encountered this...phenomenon with a Human," he told her quietly. "Although I understand it can happen."

"What? What can happen?" she asked anxiously, looking him right in the eye. He coughed and turned to sit on the bed beside her.

"Vulcans don't really discuss it, even amongst themselves but from what I gather, I think it's some kind of side effect from...," he paused, clearly as discomfited by discussing the matter as somebody else she was acquainted with. "The joining of minds," he finished eventually. She stared at the floor for a long moment.

"I...we..." she began, struggling to find the words. Dr Mbenga winced a little and patted her on the arm.

"It's alright," he said gently. "But I suggest you talk to the Vulcan in question."

She nodded. "I had a feeling you were going to say that," she sighed. He stood up and smiled at her.

"I'm going to ask Nurse Chapel to come in an give you a shot," he said, tapping the stylus against the PADD. "I'm signing you off for a day or two, to rest. And please, try to eat something, you're like a stick." Nyota met his eyes and forced a smile.

"Thank you doctor," she replied dejectedly.

"Well at least you're not pregnant," Christine teased gently a little while later, fiddling with a hypo on a small tray in front of her. "That would really put the kibosh on going into space." Nyota huffed.

"To get pregnant you need a man," she quipped and Christine smiled.

"And you don't have one of those?" she queried and Nyota rolled her eyes. "That's a shame," Christine commented. "It's not nice, being alone. I miss my fiance so very much." Nyota glanced up to see a glint of sadness in her eyes. Christine coughed and stepped closer wielding the hypo. "Now this will make you drowsy but that's sort of the point," she explained. "Doctor wants you to go straight home to bed alright?"

"Alright," she murmured.

"I'm going to bring you something to eat too and I want you to finish it before you leave," she continued, pressing the hypo against Nyota's neck. She grimaced as the needle pricked her skin, feeling a strange cold feeling seep down her neck as the drug entered her system.

"Okay," she replied and Christine smiled. "Thankyou," Nyota said after a minute. "For taking care of me today."

Christine dropped the hypo onto the tray and picked it up. "You're welcome," she said gently, reaching forward and squeezing Nyota's bicep fondly before turning out of the room.


	39. Chapter 39

Nyota blinked and rolled over onto her back, staring at the ceiling above her head. She glanced over at the chronometer and rubbed away the sleep that stuck to the corner of her eye before shifting onto her side and closing her eyes again. She smacked her lips and snuggled under the bedsheets. She lay for while in that place between waking and sleeping, pushing away a vague urge to get up and use the bathroom. It was so very warm and comfortable in the bed.

At the sound of the door sliding open she turned her head, blinking as the lights came on automatically and Gaila's silhouette appeared behind the frosted glass.

"Oh I'm sorry, did I wake you?" she asked sympathetically as she entered the bedroom. Nyota took a deep breath.

"No, no, it's okay," she said, the words mangled as she yawned. "I've been awake for a little while."

"You feeling better?" Gaila asked, dropping her bag on the bed and shrugging out of her coat.

"Yeah, I...I feel weird actually, I think I slept too long," Nyota said, pushing up onto her elbows.

"You must have needed it," Gaila told her sagely, turning to hang her coat in the closet. "You've been in bed all day." Nyota stared with unfocussed eyes at her feet.

"I had the weirdest dream," she murmured as Gaila sat on her bed and began to unfasten her boots. "I was in my kitchen at home except it wasn't my kitchen but you know, in the dream it was," she continued, reaching behind her back awkwardly to scratch between her shoulder blades. "I was on the floor looking under the cupboard at this weird bug that the cat was trying to get and the cat kept headbutting me. Except it wasn't a cat it was...this huge bear thing and then my mom was there and she laughed and I laughed and then my dad came in. Ah I already can't really remember it," she said with a furrowed brow.

"Uh huh," Gaila said with a little nod. "Dreams are weird like that."

"Yeah," Nyota said with another yawn, turning and dropping her legs over the side of the bed. "God I'm stiff," she commented as she rose to her feet. She stretched, sighing with satisfaction as the vertebrae in her spine cracked. "Aah that feels good."

"You going to get something to eat?" Gaila asked as she stripped off her uniform and turned back to the closet.

"Yeah I can't stay in all day, my head feels weird enough as it is," Nyota replied as Gaila began to rifle through the array of dresses in the closet before her.

"So... you're going out for a bit?" she queried nonchalantly as Nyota ambled towards the bathroom.

"Gaila..." Nyota drawled narrowing her eyes a little. Gaila's brows went up and she smiled, giving a little shrug.

"What?" she chirped with an affected innocence that was utterly transpared.

"Come on, out with it!" Nyota demanded.

"Oh it's nothing really, it's just...you know that guy I told you about, from my programming course," Gaila began to explain and Nyota put her hands on her hips, rocking on the balls of her feet.

"Seriously?" she groaned. "Tonight? I'm sick Gaila!" Gaila turned towards her with a pathetic putting expression.

"Oh please, you're going to eat anyway," she implored. "Can't you just...have an extra dessert or something?" Nyota huffed a defeated breath.

"Okay, okay but I'm coming back in..." She glanced at the chronometer. "In three hours. I'm signed off sick I can't be hanging around outside all night."

"Oh I love you!" Gaila gushed. "You're so adorable and sweet and I love you, I love you!" Nyota sighed as Gaila enfolded her in an enthusiastic embrace.

"This is the last time though, Gaila," she complained. "Seriously this getting beyond a joke." Gaila nodded, wearing a wide eyed expression like an earnest child.

"I promise," she replied and Nyota squinted at her sideways before stepping into the bathroom.

When Nyota stepped outside it was already dark, the winter evenings drawing in earlier and earlier with each passing day. She crossed her arms over her chest and ambled towards the mess hall, standing outside and looking through the window. She wrinkled her nose at the crowds of people queueing, the tables crammed with bodies and the ones that weren't littered with dirty trays. Turning on her heel, she shifted from foot to foot and glanced up and down the path that ran the length of the building, squinting out across the dark quad beyond. Letting out a little huff, she trotted back down the steps and across the grass, passing the transit entrance and the medical centre and heading for the physics building beyond.

The small cafeteria on the ground floor had a limited selection of foods but it was quiet. She stood in front of the chiller and perused the selection of food in containers, passing over the foodcubes and picking up a sloppy looking chocolate pudding.

"Now when your doctor tells you to eat more, that doesn't mean eat more dessert," a voice drawled and she turned her head to see Dr McCoy standing a little way behind her. She quirked a brow.

"When the alternative is foodcubes or...whatever that is," she replied, gesturing at his tray. "I think it's the lesser evil." McCoy pursed his lips and looked at his plate.

"Yeah I guess you're probably right," he admitted. "But you know, I'm so hungry right now I could eat a horse so I'm going to risk it." Nyota tilted her head to one side and wrinkled her nose at the faintly steaming mass of brown that sat on the tray, oozing outwards and threatening to spill over the edge of the plate.

"If you want something decent why don't you go to the mess?" she enquired, ambling along beside him towards the drinks dispensers.

"I've spent all day dealing with an outbreak of Tarkalean flu and I got another four hours of the same ahead of me. You think I want to eat with all those screaming kids? No thanks," McCoy groused and she grinned.

"Aren't you a senior officer? You could eat in the Officer's Mess?" she queried and he smiled.

"You mean all those stiffs in dress suits? Hell no, I'll take my chances in here," he quipped, setting his tray down and ordering a black coffee from the dispenser.

"You're taking your life in your hands," Nyota joked.

"I think I'll take my chances," he replied with a grin. "But what about you? Why are you in here with the waifs and strays?"

Nyota picked up her own cup and turned away. "The same. I just...really cannot be bothered to talk to anyone right now," she explained.

"Right, well...don't let me get in your way," McCoy said, giving her a look of masculine understanding of the need to be alone.

"Oh I didn't mean to suggest that you're bothering me," she explained quickly, looking at him with wide eyes and he pursed his lips.

"Hmm," he murmured. "Is that really all you're going to eat? No wonder you're a rake," McCoy commented gruffly. Nyota waved her dessert around.

"Well, it's a start," she said feebly. "And besides chocolate must contain something good else why do we eat it?" she argued.

"Trust a woman to argue the health benefits of chocolate," he replied as they ambled towards the tables.

"What if I get a fruit cup?" Nyota asked. "Would that balance it out a bit?"

"A little," McCoy told her, turning and setting his tray down on a nearby table. Nyota turned and dutifully shuffled back to the chiller to get a dish of fruit.

"Kiwi?" she asked, holding the pot up for his perusal.

"Hmmm, carbs and trace minerals. Plenty of vitamin C though so that's good," McCoy told her as he pulled out a chair. "Won't you join me? It'd make me feel a whole lot less pathetic if you would," he said, sinking down into his seat. Nyota smiled gently.

"Sure," she replied, sitting down opposite. She pulled the lid off her fruit and speared a piece as McCoy held his knife and fork in his hands and stared at the mess on his plate. "What's the matter? You lost your appetite doctor?" she teased mildly. He looked up at her with a pained expression.

"I'm just...deciding where to start," he told her.

"What is it?" Nyota asked, swallowing and reaching for another piece.

"I...I think it's meat but I'm not entirely sure," he said, spearing something with his fork and raising it cautiously to his lips. He chewed it slowly. "Do these people have some kind of aversion to salt?" he complained as he swallowed. "Hmmm, well, it's edible and I'm hungry. You know you should probably get something more than fruit and pudding," he commented as he started to tuck in with a little more enthusiasm. "You want to eat some liver. Plenty of iron."

"Hmmm I don't really eat meat," she explained, chasing the last piece of kiwi around the tub.

"Vegetarian huh?" McCoy chuffed. "Well I got no sympathy for pigs and cows. I just see bacon and steaks." Nyota smiled.

"I used to," she told him. "I just...lost the taste for it." McCoy nodded. "Well anyway there must be other ways to get iron right? Like spinach?" She set down her empty fruit cup and reached for the chocolate pudding.

"Yeah," McCoy answered, taking a drink. "Mint. That's got a lot of iron. Seeds, sesame, sunflower."

"But not chocolate?" she asked in a hopeful tone. He tilted his head to one side.

"Cocoa yes, but not that...sugary mess you got there." Nyota dug her spoon in with a smile.

"But it must contain some iron so...it's good!" she said gleefully.

"Alright okay, yes," he conceded gruffly. "It contains iron." Nyota nodded.

"So really I should be eating a lot more of it," she suggested. "I mean, since I don't eat meat." McCoy considered this.

"Nice try but not quite," he told her sagely. "I mean it has a whole heap of other minerals you don't want so much."

"Uh huh, like what?" she asked, stuffing a spoonful of pudding into her mouth.

"Manganese, there's one," he told her proudly. "Copper! There's another."

"I thought we needed some copper in our diet," Nyota said, drawing her chin back a little way in confusion. McCoy nodded and shrugged.

"Well sure a tiny bit," he said. "But there's a lot more copper than iron in cocoa so the amount your suggesting you should eat...well, you'd only want that much if...well if your blood was green!" he exclaimed.

"Huh," Nyota chuffed with vague amusement, reaching for her drink. She turned the cup around and around on the table and stared at the rim for a second. McCoy regarded her profile for a second.

"I'm glad you decided to join me, Miss Uhura," he said congenially and she met his eyes with a smile. "It's no fun eating alone."

"No," she agreed. "It isn't."


	40. Chapter 40

"I understand eating together is an activity Humans often partake of together in a social context," Spock told her.

"That implies a certain level of familiarity," Nyota replied.

"You have previously led me to believe that our acquaintance was sufficiently familiar," Spock said.

"From the way you behaved today, Spock, you are lucky I am even talking to you. If you weren't my commanding officer..." Spock's expression darkened.

"Professional ethics do not encourage fraternization between cadets and their training officers." Nyota became aware of an unpleasant knot in her stomach.

"Are we fraternizing?" she asked nervously. Before Spock could answer the server arrived bringing their food. She could have sworn he seemed relieved by the distraction. He clutched his fork in his hand and stared at his food.

"Happy Stomach," she said blankly in Rigellian. Spock's lips quirked.

"Happy Stomach," he replied.

The silence with which they began to eat was unbearable.

Nyota stared out at the passers-by on the street and gave a little cough.

"I like Rigellian food," she ventured, not looking at Spock.

"It is agreeable," Spock replied eventually. Nyota turned and gave him an expectant look. He glanced from side to side. "There is a gratifying variety of vegetarian dishes," he added. Nyota nodded.

"Yes," she said. "There are."

Spock chewed thoughtfully for a moment. "At the Kyoto seminar I was able to sample a variety of vegetarian foods from that region," he ventured and Nyota's lip twitched.

"Japanese food is really nice," she replied, cutting a dumpling in half with her fork. Spock peered at her over the rim of his cup and she licked her lips. "Did you try the dumplings there?"

"I did," Spock informed her, setting his cup down. "They were...pleasant." He looked at her askance as though trying to guage what she thought of his performance so far. Nyota swallowed.

"Were you able to engage in any of the local cultural pursuits?" she asked and he glanced from side to side.

"We were treated to a performance of...Kabuki," he said and she smiled a little more.

"And you didn't like it?" Spock tilted his head to one side.

"I did not...dislike it," he told her. "Although the music was at times somewhat discordant and very loud to my Vulcan ears." She grinned and nodded.

"But you listen to Klingon opera?" she queried, spearing another dumpling and raising it to her lips, not unaware of his eyes following her movements.

"On occasion," he explained. "Initially it was my intention to improve my understanding of the vernacular however..."

"...Classical Klingon is nothing like what you hear over the comm?" she finished for him, nodding in understanding. "It's a nightmare." Spock chewed his lip for a second.

"An unpleasant state of dreaming, hmmm," he murmured. "Yes, I believe I understand your metaphor." Nyota pursed her lips to stifle her amusement. She didn't have the heart to mock him when he was obviously trying so hard.

"So what are you thoughts on Klingon Opera then? Do you not dislike that also?" she asked in what she thought was an earnest tone although her eyes were glittering with suppressed amusement. Spock looked her right in the eye and she wondered if he could tell.

"It is...an acquired taste," he said, sitting back a little in his seat. "My first impression was that it was not unlike the screaming of a sehlat." She let out a huff of laughter and pressed her teeth into her lower lip.

"And your subsequent impression?" she quizzed, sipping her tea. Spock squinted a little and tilted his head to one side.

"That the sound in fact more closely resembles the cry of the le-matya." Nyota snorted and dumped her teacup down. Spock looked at her in confusion. "Is something the matter?"

"No, no," she said with a wave of her hand. "Nothing's the matter, it's just...funny," she explained.

"The le-matya is not something to be taken lightly," he said gravely and Nyota tried to return his serious expression with one of her own.

"No, of course not," she said with mock sincerity. Spock quirked a brow and chewed on another dumpling.

"One scratch and you would succumb to a slow and painful death from the venom in its claws," he told her and Nyota curled her lip a little.

"Mental note," she stated with a wide eyed gaze. "Upon encountering a le-matya, run like hell." Spock shook his head.

"You could not outrun it," he said and she squinted a little.

"I can run really fast," Nyota said proudly. "I can make the hundred meters in ten seconds." Spock's lips quirked.

"Impressive for a Human," he said. "But still not fast enough to outrun the le-matya."

"Oh and I suppose you could outrun it?" she quipped and he shook his head.

"I could not. If we were to encounter one..." he began and she smiled again.

"We?" Spock's brow went up.

"I can not imagine a Human would enter the Vulcan desert without a guide," he explained.

"Uh huh," Nyota said, turning her teacup around and around on the table.

"It is logical to assume it would be myself that would accompany you since I am the Vulcan with whom you are most familiar." Nyota could not help the broad smile that spread across her face. "Or do I presume too much?" Spock asked.

"You do not," she told him with amusement.

"As a female it would naturally have selected you as its prey," he continued and her brow furrowed a little.

"Would it now?" she drawled, raising her teacup to her lips.

"I would be forced to defend you," Spock added and she choked into her tea. "Do you require assistance?" he asked with mild concern.

"No, no, please continue," Nyota replied setting her cup down and looking him in the eye with a slight grin. Spock coughed a little.

"I would have to fight it," he said calmly. "With my bare hands if necessary." Nyota could not suppress the laughter that bubbled up out of her chest as she took in his deadpan expression.

"With your bare hands?" she asked, her brows shooting up her forehead. Spock nodded. "And I suppose I would be eternally grateful to you for saving my life."

Spock quirked his lips. "You would be...traumatized," he told her. "I would have to carry you away to safety."

"Uh huh," she managed to choke through her laughter.

"No doubt we would be forced to seek shelter in a cave," Spock added.

"A cave," Nyota parroted and Spock quirked his brow.

"The desert storms are very fierce." Nyota nodded.

"I'm sure they are, Spock," she said knowingly, licking her lips. "Who knew Vulcans were so heroic?"

"It is not heroism," he clarified. "It is...evolutionary biology." Nyota narrowed her eyes at him.

"Biology huh?" Spock nodded.

"In nature it is often the smaller of the species that is targeted," he explained. "Females, children, the injured. Such strategies are used by lions on Earth are they not?"

"Yeah, that's true," Nyota said, turning in her seat and resting her elbow on the back. "Although ironically it's usually the female lions that do most of the hunting." Spock considered this.

"That is logical. Lions have several mates," he observed. "Vulcans however, have only one." Nyota met his eyes for a long moment, before blinking and looking bashfully away. Spock glanced down at their empty dishes. "It seems to have stopped raining," he murmured.

"So it seems," Nyota replied dejectedly.


	41. Chapter 41

"Well, this is me," Dr McCoy told her, coming to a stop outside the Medical Centre.

"Yup," Nyota said pleasantly, nodding her head.

"You sure I can't walk you back?" he asked chivalrously and Nyota shook her head.

"No, thanks," she replied. "I have ah...some things to take care of first."

"Well if you're sure," McCoy said looking her in the eye. Nyota smiled bashfully and dropped her chin to stare at the ground.

"I'm sure," she told him. "Thanks for the company." McCoy made a face.

"I should be thanking you," he said jovially and she grinned.

"Goodnight," Nyota told him taking a step back.

"Goodnight," the doctor replied. "You take better care of yourself now won't you." Nyota nodded and took another step back down the path.

"Bye," she muttered and then turned away. McCoy watched her for a second before turning to trot up the steps and disappearing inside the building. Nyota turned along the path and crossed her arms over her chest. Walking a little way along her pace slowed until eventually she came to a complete halt. She hovered by the bushes at the foot of the entrance to the transit station, uncrossing her arms and taking a breath.

"I know you're there so there's no point in hiding," she said with a sigh. There was a shuffle of footsteps and a moment later Spock appeared from behind a pillar, staring at her with dark eyes. The shadows exaggerated the planes of his cheeks, the slant of his brow giving him a fierce expression and as she raised her head to look at him he seemed strikingly, fearfully alien. She clenched her jaw.

"I know you've been following me around," she said cautiously. Spock dropped his eyes to the ground and did not reply. "Do you have any idea how creepy that is?"

"I did not wish to intrude on your conversation," he uttered darkly and she frowned.

"So instead you lurk around in the shadows like...like a stalker?" she asked.

"It was not my intention to appear so," he explained, stepping a little closer. As he did she took in the grey aspect of his skin and the dark circles under his eyes. "I was on my way to your quarters when I happened upon you and your...companion." His voice was strained and she swallowed.

"He's my doctor," she said tiredly. Spock's eyes darted from side to side and he would not meet her gaze.

"Do you make a habit of socializing with your...doctor?" he rasped. She closed her eyes for a second.

"He was just being kind, alright," she told him. "I'm not...well." Spock nodded.

"Neither of us is in the best of health," he agreed. She chewed her lip and looked away as he moved closer. "I wish to apologize," he said after a minute. "For my previous behaviour. My control is...not what it should be."

Nyota's shoulders slouched a little and she turned to sink onto a low wall in front of the bushes. "I'm sorry too," she murmured. "I know you were only trying to help and I was a bitch. I...I've not been myself." Spock stepped a little closer.

"This...situation cannot continue," he breathed. "It is...intolerable." Nyota blinked, a tear pricking her eye and she nodded in agreement.

"I know," she choked.

"I have tried to be patient," he said. "I...hoped you would come to me on your own." Nyota rubbed her lips together and screwed her face up, shaking her head from side to side.

"You did something to me," she whimpered. Spock looked at her intently.

"Your choice of words implies some kind of malicious intent on my part," he replied. "That is not the case."

"Then what is it?" she asked breathlessly, looking him in the eye. Spock's expression was thoughtful and he hesitated for a long moment before he spoke.

"There is...part of me...inside you," he said eventually. Nyota let out a little chuff of breath.

"Huh," she murmured, her voice barely a whisper. "That's what it is."

"And you... are inside of me," he added quietly. Nyota turned her head away and stared across the grass, trailing the shadowy figure of someone passing under an archway in the distance.

"Why?" she stuttered. Spock's eyes darted from side to side.

"Because...I chose you," he said after a minute. "And you chose me." Nyota closed her eyes and took several silent, shallow breaths as she tried to process what he was saying.

"I didn't know... what I was choosing," she sighed. Spock looked at her, his expression hurt.

"You told me you wanted it," he rasped. "You went to bed with me and you told me you loved me and you...you said, yes I want this." Nyota's lip quivered and a tear escaped, rolling slowly down her cheek. "Didn't you want it?"

She screwed her face up. "You weren't free to give it, Spock," she choked. Spock turned slowly and sank down on the wall beside her, staring across the dark quad with a distant expression.

"Am I not free to do as I please?" he murmured. He fell silent and she turned to stare at his profile.

"You can't do as you please with my life," she uttered, her brow furrowed and her eyes wet.

"And what of my life? Am I not free to live the life I choose? Why must I be...bound by what I am?" he retorted. Nyota licked her lips and shook her head, uncertain how to respond.

"You...you're logical," she whispered. "How is this logical?"

"Where is the logic in waiting my whole life for one who does not know me, who can never love me? Who will find another and choose him over me. And I, in the grip of the madness will fight him and I shall be killed for it." He swallowed and gripped the edge of the wall in his fingers. "And if I am not killed, I will have a wife that I do not know, who has my name and my property and I will return to this life and still be alone. Why would I choose that...over you?" He turned and looked her right in the eye.

Nyota did not try to suppress the tears that ran down her face. "Then...why did you try to talk me out of it? Why did you...tell me I didn't know what I was letting myself in for if...you had already decided?" she uttered, her breath hitching and her whole body shaking.

"This experience is...alien to me," he choked, gritting his teeth. "I am...deficient."

"Why?" she demanded tearfully. "Because you're Human?"

"Because you are," he sighed, gazing at her wistfully. "I know what it is to be loved by a Human, Nyota and I know that you must be...happy."

She screwed her eyes tightly shut and shook her head, letting out a loud breath.

"You think I'm happy now?" she asked. "You think I'm happy like this?" She sniffed hard. "I'm not happy, Spock. I'm not. And you know, whatever you're offering..." she sniffed again and wrinkled her nose, her face itching from tears. "It has to be better than this."

Spock held her eyes and stared at her thoughtfully, his jaw slack until eventually he nodded at her. "This situation is...unbearable." Nyota quirked her lips and gave him wincing sort of half smile as she nodded too.

"I'm so tired," she uttered breathlessly, staring past him at the middle distance. He shifted on the wall beside her and licked his lips.

"Then...come with me," he said softly. "Come with me and...I will hold you and I will kiss you and...I will lie down beside you and...you can rest."

She raised her chin and hesitating for just a moment, slowly, timidly slipped her hand across the wall and clasped his fingers. Spock blinked and swayed imperceptibly, watching as she stood up and walked along the path and up the steps to the entrance of the station. She stopped at the top and turned to look at him and when he met her eyes he rose to his feet and followed her.


	42. Chapter 42

"I do not understand how my body temperature affects your emotional state," Spock said, his brow furrowed. Nyota smiled.

"It's an expression," she explained gently. "Meaning emotionally distant." He nodded.

"My behaviour this afternoon was...irrational," he said. "I have recently been...distracted. Clearly it

is affecting my judgement." Nyota took a moment to process.

"Why wuh...would you be distracted, Spock?" she asked very quietly. Spock looked her right in the eye and opened his mouth to speak but he could not seem to get the words out. They stood in silence for a minute. The sound of the shuttle arriving at the platform sounded up from the below.

"That's my shuttle," Nyota said, blinking and after a moment's hesitation, she turned away from him towards the stairs.

"Nyota," Spock said, stepping after her and catching hold of her hand. She gasped in surprise and turned to stare at where his fingers gently circled her wrist.

"I...I thought Vulcans didn't like to be touched," she breathed.

"I am half Human," he reminded her gently and when she lifted her chin, her breath hitched at the intensity of his stare.

"Oh... yeah," she murmured, a shy smile breaking out across her face and she glanced away bashfully.

When she looked up through her lashes she saw his lips were turned up ever so slightly at the corners and she tried to repress a chuckle and failed. "I'm going to miss my shuttle," she said after a minute.

"There will be others," Spock replied gently.

"Yeah, I suppose there will," Nyota breathed, struggling to speak around the lump in her throat.

"I am not sure why but I have a strong compulsion to do this," Spock explained, stepping a little closer and sliding his fingers down her wrist to entwine them with hers. Nyota's smile grew broader.

"You do huh?" she uttered breathlessly.

"Perhaps it is some instinctive Human behaviour that has hitherto lain dormant," Spock surmised.

"Perhaps," Nyota replied as their hands swung idly back and forth in the space between their bodies.

"It seems...illogical...for us to remain here," Spock commented. Nyota rubbed her lips together.

"The facilities are somewhat lacking," she replied and Spock tilted his head to one side.

"My quarters are not far," he informed her gently and she blushed again.

"Spock," she murmured, dropping her chin and staring at the floor. "I'm not sure..."

"I do not wish you to feel obligated," he told her reassuringly.

"What are we going to do? Listen to Klingon Opera?" she teased. Spock quirked a brow and stared into the middle distance behind her.

"Not quite what I would select for such an occasion but if you wish," he answered. Nyota chuckled.

"What would you choose then?" she asked as they began to amble very slowly towards the exit, their hands swaying back and forth gently.

"An Earth composer most certainly, perhaps something from the nineteenth century," he ventured.

"Hmm, the romantics huh?" Nyota asked with some scepticism. Spock's lips quirked and his eyebrow seemed to move around his forehead as if it had a mind of its own.

"Perhaps you would prefer the Vulcan Lyre?" he asked as they emerged onto the street. "I am proficient to an advanced level," he told her with a hint of satisfaction. Nyota could not contain the cackle that erupted out of her chest.

"Are you... offering to serenade me?" she choked through her smile. Spock raised his chin and stared ahead, his expression ever so slightly too innocent to be convincing.

"An examination of the Vulcan diatonic scale," he replied. "For your cultural edification of course."

"Oh of course," Nyota agreed with mock sincerity, her facing taking on a serious mien. "Well that sounds like a perfectly logical proposition."

"I find your appreciation of logic most gratifying," Spock told her and she could not stifle another giggle. Spock was almost beaming at her, his eyes wide and gentle and his hand squeezing hers.

"You are very beautiful," he told her earnestly. Nyota dipped her head again. "You do not appreciate my expressing it?" Spock asked with some concern.

"Oh, I don't know," she mumbled, their shoulders knocking gently together as they walked down the street.

"Explain," he queried softly and she chewed her lip for a second as she considered it.

"I just don't know how to react when people say things like that," she confessed. "I...feel...like...that's not who I am."

"And who are you?" Spock asked, tugging her hand gently and guiding her down a side street. Nyota shrugged. "Perhaps you wish me to expound on your other attributes?" he ventured and she made a funny face.

"Oh...kay," she said after a second. Spock coughed a little.

"Your grasp of the archaic linear Vulcan scripts is most impressive," he stated and she hunched forward with another fit of giggles. Spock quirked a brow and continued. "Your aspiration of Romulan fricatives produces an uncannily accurate rendering of the language," he added and she peered up at him, her face starting to ache from grinning so hard. "When you write Vulcan your calligraphy is exceptionally elegant."

"Oh god," she chortled as they crossed the street.

"I could listen to you speak Vulcan for hours on end and not tire of the sound," he told her quietly and when she stared into his eyes she felt like she could sink into them. "In fact I have only encountered one other Human who could speak as well as you."

"Really?" Nyota murmured as he guided her towards a set of doors at the base of a very tall tower.

"Yes," he replied. "A professor at the university in Shi'Kahr."

"Oh?" she queried, both flattered and curious at the comparison.

"She has translated several works of Earth literature into Golian Vulcan to great acclaim," he told her enthusiastically as they waited for the elevator.

"What's her name?" Nyota asked as the doors slid open. "Maybe I've read one of her books."

"Amanda Grayson," he told her as they stepped inside.

"Oh I know her work, I'm...flattered but I'm not sure I'm quite that proficient," she commented. "She was your teacher?" she asked with genuine guilelessness.

"Yes," he replied softly. "She was."

"That's quite an achievement for a Human," Nyota said. "To get a post teaching at a Vulcan university."

"It is," Spock agreed.

"I always thought I would quite like to do that," she confessed. "If I hadn't joined Starfleet."

"If you had, we would not have met," Spock observed, turning to face her. She watched as he held her hand gently in his and stroked slowly across the back of her fingers with his own.

"No, we would not," she stuttered, dropping her eyes bashfully to stare at his chest and trying her hardest not to smile.

"Your smile is quite compelling, do not attempt to suppress it," he murmured swaying imperceptibly closer and when she raised her chin to look at his face he reached up to tuck her hair behind her ear. She huffed a little breath and said nothing, her eyes falling closed as he reached up with both hands and gently stroked across her face to cup her jaw bone in his palms.

"Spock," she whispered airily but just as she was sure he was going to kiss the elevator came to a stop and the doors slid open.

"This way," he said softly, looking at her with gentle eyes and tugging her hand lightly as he stepped out into the corridor, maintaining eye contact with her the whole way to his door. As they entered, Spock removed his jacket and placed it on a hook on the wall. Nyota looked around the room, nervously rubbing her bicep with her hand.

"Your jacket is damp, it would be logical to remove it," Spock told her and she nodded in agreement.

"It would."


	43. Chapter 43

They were lying naked on the bed, their legs entwined and their noses pressed close together. Nyota was watching him through her lashes, stroking her finger slowly around the shell of his ear up around the pointed tip and down again. Spock's eyelids fluttered and he hummed gently, one arm tucked under her body. His hand gently caressing her hip while the other trailed gently over her cheek bone, stroking his fingers over and over across the points where they had earlier been so intimately pressed.

Nyota felt...she wasn't sure she could find the words to describe it, in any of the myriad languages that she spoke. Words seemed at that moment unnecessarily violent in the quiet of the bedroom, the only sound the shallow rasp of his breathing and the vague thrum of her heartbeat inside her ear. Spock's movements grew gradually more languid until eventually they stopped altogether, his chest rising and falling so slowly she wondered if he was breathing at all. She knew that he was of course but it was times like this, while she watched him sleep, that she felt so utterly Human, her heart beating away at twice the speed of his. She thought she must seem to him like a mouse or a rabbit, a fragile frantic little creature in his arms and she began to appreciate a little better why he was so afraid of hurting her although he was, perhaps, beginning to understand that there were other forms of hurt that were much worse.

Hours passed and Nyota slipped between waking and sleeping until eventually, her neck grew stiff and she rolled delicately onto her side and away from him.

"What troubles you?" he asked after while, trailing his fingers down her spine as she stared out of the window. She chewed her lip and shifted, pushing up on her hands to sit on the edge of the bed.

"Nothing," she murmured. "I'm just stiff," she explained, stretching her arms and twisting her neck gingerly. Behind her Spock shuffled across the bed and sat up behind her, reaching up to press his thumbs into her back on either side of her spine. Nyota let out a long slow sigh of relief and went limp. "Oh god, I missed your magic fingers," she said blearily. Spock propped his chin on her shoulder and stroked down her arms.

"My fingers have lamented your absence also," he told her and she huffed in amusement, reaching up to trail her fingers over his cheek. His eyes fell closed and he turned his face into her hand, nuzzling her palm like a cat seeking attention. She leaned back against him and closed her eyes.

"I cannot hear your thoughts but I can sense your disquiet," he said after a minute. Nyota opened her eyes and looked out of the window.

"Oh yeah?" she queried gently. "What else can you sense?" Spock ran his hands down her sides and wrapped his arms around her waist to pull her into his lap. She smiled and leant her forehead against his as he held her close.

"Relief," he said. "Sorrow." She pouted a little and nodded.

"I feel...guilty," she explained and he shook his head.

"It is illogical to dwell on negative thoughts," he told her. "It serves no purpose." She smiled, a pained wincing sort of smile.

"I've been...so stupid." Spock cupped the back of her head in his hand and held her tightly.

"What is passed cannot be undone," he said sagely.

"I was so confused," she whimpered, looking up at the ceiling and scraping her nails a little more forcefully down his back. Spock let out a quiet gasp of breath and she turned to press a kiss against his ear, stroking her hands across his shoulders.

"And now?" he asked as she cupped his head in her hands and pressed her foreheads against his once more.

"Now...I feel..." she smiled at him through slitted eyes. "You," she breathed. Spock kissed her intently on the mouth and she sighed against his lips. His kiss grew hungrier and she twisted in his embrace, feeling him grow hard beneath her thighs.

"Desire," he rasped and allowed her to push him down onto his back, sliding his hands down her body to squeeze the round swell of her backside.

"Yes," Nyota said, looking him right in the eye as she straddled his hips.

"Nyota," he stuttered as her hands wandered and he reached up to cup her breasts in his palms. She groaned and arched her back into his touch.

"I missed you," she told him, her face screwing up as his fingers trailed lower. "I love you."

"Yes," he hissed through gritted teeth, sitting upright abruptly and wrapping his arms tightly around her body, kissing her once more. Nyota clung to him desperately and shifted and when she felt him pressing between her legs she cried out and pressed back.

Afterwards she lay on her front, her hair obscuring her face as he lay draped across her. Spock stroked up her arm and gently tucked her hair behind her ear, placing a kiss on her neck. "I had forgotten," he told her after a minute.

"Hmm," she mumbled half heartedly. "What?"

"About your immense capacity to distract me," he replied, propping up on his elbow and stroking down her back. Nyota rolled onto her back and stared at the ceiling.

"What do you mean?" she asked quietly and he turned to look at her profile.

"Tell me what troubles you?" Spock said softly and she sighed, her eyes falling closed.

"I'm thinking about the future," she said after a long pause. Spock nodded.

"You are wondering what this means," he observed. Nyota swallowed and shoved at the pillows with her feet.

"I get my first posting in a few months," she said after a while. "What if...what if they send me miles away?"

Spock considered this for a moment. "It is something we must consider," he told her. She turned to look at him with a worried expression.

"What will we do?" she asked, her brow furrowed with concern.

"We have made a commitment to this life," he replied thoughtfully. "We must...do our duty." Nyota chewed her lip and turned her face away, an unhappy look on her face. Spock blinked and regarded her tenderly, stroking his hand down her arm. "You know we will never truly be apart," he said gently. She chewed her lip.

"I'll go crazy," she breathed. He cupped her jaw in his palm.

"It will not be like before," he explained. "You will learn to...live with it." She closed her eyes and turned her face towards the ceiling again.

"With you inside my head?" she quipped. "God help me." Spock regarded her with confusion.

"I will help you," he said, leaning down and kissing her cheek. Nyota looked him in the eye and nodded, stroking the side of his face.

"And what about..." she took a shallow breath and dropped her gaze. "When...the time comes?" she managed to utter with some awkwardness. Spock licked his lips and stared at the crumpled sheets with unfocussed eyes.

"I..." he began, shrugging imperceptibly. "I will find you."

"Even if I'm light years away?" she chirped hopefully. Spock nodded.

"Even then," he assured her and she smiled. He leaned down and kissed her gently on the mouth, snuggling back down to lie close beside her. "The sun will soon be risen," he said a little while later, gazing across her shoulder to the window beyond.

"You have things to do," she added a little despondently.

"I do," Spock replied equally displeased at the prospect. Nyota sighed and he squeezed her close. "You will remain here," he said definitively after a minute.

"Yes, sir," she mumbled, cracking one eye open and peering up at him. Spock quirked a brow.

"It is logical," he stated. "You are...convalescing." Nyota chuffed a little breath.

"I am," she agreed. Spock nodded in satisfaction and then his brow furrowed again. "What's wrong?" she asked gently. Spock let out a small sigh, his nostrils flaring.

"I do not want to go," he admitted. A huge grin broke out across her face and she reached up, grabbing him by the ears and pulling him down to kiss him.


	44. Chapter 44

Nyota was sitting cross legged on a cushion, staring at a candle that flickered on the table before her. She shifted slightly, taking a slow breath and letting her eyes fall closed again but a moment later he brow furrowed and she let out a dejected sigh.

Behind her the door slid open with a quiet hush and Spock entered, carrying a bag. She turned and gave him a smile over her shoulder.

"You are meditating," he observed and she let out a little huff of laughter.

"I'm trying," she replied. "I don't think I'm doing very well," she admitted as he stepped closer and deposited the bag on a chair.

"It will come," he said gently. "With time." She sighed again and slowly rose to her feet.

"I hope so," she quipped playfully, stepping closer.

"Patience," Spock told her. She smiled again, her eyes falling to the bag.

"What have you got there?" she queried gently, stepping closer and flicking the edge with her index finger.

"Provisions," Spock explained and she nodded, reaching in to dig around the contents.

"We can cook," Nyota suggested.

"Or go out," he said. "As you wish." Nyota smiled.

"I have been in here alone all day," she noted. "I better take a walk at least..." she hesitated, her brow furrowing and she dipped further into the bag. "Spock is that...chocolate?" She peered up at him through her lashes to see his eyes darting guiltily from side to side.

"There was a limited selection of foodstuffs available," he explained primly. Nyota bit her lip to suppress her amusement.

"I see," she replied, straightening up and brushing against him as she did so. Spock met her eyes and she grinned lasciviously. "I missed you," she whispered, reaching up on tip toes to peck him on the lips. Spock clasped her hip and pressed his mouth against hers a little more intently. Nyota let out the tiniest of sighs and reached up on her toes to wrap her arms around his neck. She closed her eyes and hummed against his mouth as they kissed.

After a minute she pulled back and Spock leaned forward, following her with his lips. Nyota chuckled and ran her hands down his arms to clasp his fingers in her own. "Busy day?" she chirped and he licked his lips, hesitating for a moment.

"Average in most respects," he answered, blinking and coming back to himself somewhat. Nyota's expression was lazy and she hummed in understanding. Spock quirked his lips as though he was about to speak but when he said nothing, Nyota tugged ever so lightly on his hand.

"What's up?" she asked. Spock tilted his head to one side and straightened his spine a little.

"Several students enquired after your wellbeing today," he said after a moment.

"Oh," she murmured. "That's...nice of them." Spock swallowed.

"I do not believe it was motivated by a desire to be...nice," he told her with a hint of cynicism. Nyota stared at his chest for a second.

"Well, what did you tell them?" she asked awkwardly. Spock stared across the top of her head.

"I related the information as submitted to me by your doctor," he said flatly. Nyota made a face.

"Okay," she uttered with a little cough. "Well, don't let it bother you."

"I am not bothered," Spock said haughtily and Nyota rolled her eyes.

"No, of course not," she agreed with a hint of scepticism. Spock narrowed his eyes at her.

"I was merely contemplating the ramifications," he told her and she huffed a cynical laugh.

"I think it's a little late in the day for that, don't you?" she quipped sourly. Spock's nostrils flared slightly.

"Indeed," he replied flatly. Nyota shook her head.

"Look, let's not talk about it any more," she said, turning away and picking up the bag to carry it into the kitchen. Spock observed from the doorway as she began to unpack the contents a little more forcefully than necessary.

"I have offended you," he stated. Nyota paused and let out a huff.

"I just...don't like the insinuation that we're doing something wrong. Like we have something to be ashamed of," she said in exasperation.

"I am not ashamed," he said, reaching forward and tucking her hair behind her ear with his finger. "But others will not understand." Nyota turned towards him but would not meet his eyes.

"I know what you're worried about," she said, staring at his chest. "But...I don't want to hear any suggestion of...cronyism or...nepotism...or any other -ism you care to name. When someone gives me an obscure Romulan communication to decipher they don't do it because I fucked my teacher, they do it because nobody else can understand it," she uttered snarkily, dumping a can heavily onto the sideboard. Spock placed a comforting hand on her shoulder but said nothing. "I wasn't top of my class because I was your favorite," she added bitterly and he blinked lazily, reaching forward and turning her into his embrace.

"Vulcans do not have favorites," he told her sympathetically. "Although if they did, it would most likely be because you were at the top of your class."

Nyota rolled her eyes. "So cerebral," she muttered.

"Intellect is a quality appreciated by Vulcans," he replied.

"I knew it!" she cried with mock indignation. "You only want me for my mind!" Spock quirked a brow.

"I assure you it is purely for your body," he told her and her eyes went wide. Nyota burst out laughing as she met his deadpan expression.

"Oh god, that's what they'll say!" she gasped, burying her face against his chest. Spock held her close and leaned his cheek against the top of her head.

"They will," he uttered with a hint of sadness. "They will say...what is that...incandescent woman doing with that...inhuman creature?" Nyota raised her chin and saw the faraway look in his eyes.

"They don't know," she said gently, stroking her hand down his face.

"They do not," he agreed, meeting her gaze.

"They don't need to," she whispered. "It's private."

"It is just for us," Spock murmured, clasping the back of her head and tilting her back for a kiss. Nyota hummed with pleasure, folding her arms around his neck and when he bent down to pick her up she obligingly wrapped her legs around his waist and held on tight.


	45. Chapter 45

Spock was sitting upright on the sofa with a lazy eyed expression, his palms flat on his knees and his bare feet on the carpet. He felt nothing. No, that was not quite accurate, he mused as he stared ahead at nothing in particular. He felt...serene, mindful, aware of his thoughts and of his state of being and he decided it was a highly satisfactory state. It was peaceful. It was...pleasant.

The same however could not be said for the Human female who was currently milling around his quarters half dressed, caught up in the illogical pursuit of neither dressing nor tidying up and yet claiming to do both.

"I can't get dressed if I can't find my clothes," she explained from the next room. "And I can't find my clothes if I don't tidy up first." Spock did not respond, merely sat mutely awaiting her next command although he was not sure what that might be. It might be the command to get food or to get undressed again or to kiss her or to stop kissing her or to be quiet or to speak, whatever it was he was certain to obey. Spock was nothing if not a dutiful servant.

Nyota walked into the room, victoriously clutching her pants in her hand. "If only I could find my shoes," she murmured as she stepped into them. "Have you seen them?"

"I have not," he answered placidly and Nyota pursed her lips.

"Hmmm," she murmured, glancing around the room. "You need to put socks on," she said, glancing pointedly at his bare feet. Spock made no comment about the fact that she was even less adequately attired than he and rose to his feet to obediently shuffle into the bedroom in search of the aforementioned garments. Nyota followed him in, holding a shirt in her hands but instead of putting it on she began instead to arrange the pillows on the bed. Spock leaned against the chest under the window and observed as she straightened the sheets.

"Maybe they're under the bed," she mused, dropping to her knees and bending low to look underneath. Spock pulled on his socks and admired the round swell of her backside through her pants. "Yes!" she exclaimed triumphantly, the top half of her body disappearing under the bed. "What's this?" he heard her query, her voice muted by the mattress. Spock rose to his feet and stepped a little closer, dodging as her shoes came skittering out from underneath one after the other. Nyota followed a moment later, dragging a flat case with her and Spock sat on the edge of the bed.

"Hmmm," he murmured. "I believe it is my lyre." Nyota grinned.

"Really?" she chirped, unfastening the catch and lifting the lid to have a look. Inside there lay an elegantly shaped Vulcan lyre and she let out a little gasp of surprise.

"I thought you were kidding," she told him and Spock quirked a brow.

"Vulcans do not...kid" he replied. Nyota nodded.

"Huh," she muttered, reaching forward and gently running her fingernail over the strings, her smile growing wider at the delicate sound that drifted up from beneath.

"Careful," he chided gently, reaching down and removing the lyre from its case. Nyota pushed up on her knees and came to sit on the edge of the bed beside him.

"Will you play something for me?" she asked as he began to idly pluck the strings.

"I thought you wished to go out," Spock commented and she tilted her head to one side and gave him a look.

"You said you would and you never did," she complained, her brow furrowing.

"It is out of tune," Spock explained, wincing ever so slightly at the tuneless dirge that emanated from the lyre as he strummed a chord.

"Excuses, excuses," Nyota said, rising from the bed and moving to pick up her shoes. As she put on some socks Spock began to tune the lyre and Nyota leaned against the edge of the chest to watch.

"I am...out of practice," he told her after a minute but then he began to play anyway and she smiled and crossed to sit beside him once more.

"Do you sing?" she asked hopefully.

"I do not," Spock told her in a dour voice and she pressed her lips together to hide her smile.

"Come on," she implored with mock petulance. "You must know a song or two." Spock quirked his brow.

"I am familiar with one," he said with a twitch of his lips and Nyota watched him with an eager, wide eyed gaze. "It is the tale of a young man who journeys far from home," he told her.

"Uh huh," she said, listening intently as he began to play a different tune.

"He is captured by brigands and taken before their leader," he continued as the soft strains of the lyre drifted around the room. "She is a wicked, heartless woman and she makes him her slave."

Nyota tilted her head to one side and narrowed her eyes at him. "She tortures him...sexually," Spock said. Nyota clenched her jaw and hefted a pillow in her hand to smack him around the head with it. Spock ducked, strumming a dissonant chord as the pillow hit him and his hand darted out to snatch it from her.

"Savagery," he uttered, shaking his head and Nyota shuffled forward and punched him on the arm.

"I suppose you think you're funny," she accused as he caught her hand and pulled her close. She squirmed and pulled against his grip.

"Be. Careful," he chided, holding the lyre away from them and she scowled at him for a moment.

"Are you going to play or not?" she demanded testily. Spock looked down his nose at her for a moment.

"What inducement are you offering?" he asked in a neutral tone and her eyes went wide.

"Oh, I see," she chuffed. "That's how it works." Spock did not reply, merely raised a suggestive brow and let his eyes fall to her bosom as he drew the lyre back against his chest and plucked a string. Nyota leaned back on her hands and chewed her lip.

"What if I take off all my clothes and dance around?" she asked and Spock froze, a loud discordant twang sounding out from the lyre in his hands. Nyota cackled. "I'm not dancing around Spock," she told him firmly and he tilted his head to one side.

"Perhaps you might at least remove your clothes?" he suggested and she gasped.

"Oh my god!" she exclaimed, flopping back against the mattress and covering her face with her hands.

"It was your suggestion," Spock observed. Nyota lifted one hand and peeked at him with one eye.

"And of course you wouldn't object," she drawled.

"I would not," he replied. Nyota sighed and sat up straight, leaning close to his shoulder.

"You are such a pervert," she told him and his lips twitched.

"You have been aware of this fact for some time," he told her seriously. Nyota chuckled heartily and leaned her head against his bicep.

"Oh, Spock," she said, giving him a broad smile and when she met his eyes he did something she'd never seen him do before.

He smiled.


	46. Chapter 46

The shuttleport was dusty and dry, a hot breeze gusting in off the desert across the city. Spock's inner eyelids fluttered imperceptibly as he cast his eye across the skyline, the faint whine of the transit in the distance.

"You seem eager to depart," his mother said and he turned to face her.

"Now that my business here is concluded it is the logical thing to do," he replied.

"I wish you could stay longer," she answered with a hint of a sigh.

"I cannot remain," he explained gently, reaching for her hand. She nodded, pressing her lips together in that typically Human manner.

"You have duties to attend to," she replied in understanding.

"Yes," Spock said. He opened his mouth to say more and when he hesitated his mother's eyes narrowed ever so slightly, one brow raising questioningly.

"Spock?" she queried gently. He licked his lips and reminded himself that dishonesty was unbecoming of a Vulcan.

"On Earth there is...," he began slowly. "One who waits for me." He watched with some apprehension as the corners of her mouth slowly turned up.

"A woman?" she asked, making a poor attempt to disguise her delight.

"Yes," he breathed, his eyes darting from side to side.

"A...Human...woman," she said, her smile growing into a broad grin. Spock's brow furrowed a little. "Oh," she chuffed, scowling in an effort to stifle her emotional display.

"This pleases you," he noted and she pursed her lips for a second.

"I am sure it is a... perfectly... logical... arrangement," she stated with a nod of her head.

"It is...a delicate situation," he added with the slightest tilt of his head. "But it is what I choose."

"As it should be, my son," his mother replied sagely. "You must make your own way."

"I must," Spock told her, his gaze as soft as his voice.

"This..." she began, gesturing vaguely with her eyes at the Shi'Kahr skyline beyond. "...is not the life for you."

"It is not," Spock agreed. Amanda dropped her eyes and stared at where their hands were clasped gently together.

"I regret that your Father is not here," she confessed quietly and Spock blinked, staring with unfocussed eyes over her shoulder. He took a shallow breath.

"He would not approve," Spock murmured. His mother's lips quirked up at the corners in a ghost of smile.

"Oh I don't know Spock," she told him knowingly, looking at him with eyes that were the mirror image of his own. "I think he might be more understanding than you think."

Spock held her gaze for a second before he squeezed her fingers gently and released her. "Goodbye Mother," he said, taking a step back.

"Live long and prosper, my son," she replied and he looked into her eyes for just a moment longer than was logical before turning and climbing the stairs into the shuttle


End file.
